Friends condoning affair.

How do you know really that the wife has no idea, I wouldn’t pass judgement so much goes on behind closed doors and only the wife and her husband truly know, like a couple of people have said until you are in that same situation you don’t know what you would do, I think the friends are possibly loving it, there’s nowt so queer as folk

Astitchintime

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

Victim blaming.

IamMaz

@ sago
What’s AC?

Adult Children

@ sago
What’s AC?

Flutterby345

Bluebell, as I understand it your cousin's wife remarried after he died albeit very soon after. Wondering if your cousin had been a long time ill beforehand. I have heard that if someone is happily married and the spouse dies they often marry again quite soon. Happiness all round for those surviving.

BlueBelle
See above, spelt your name wrong.

Bluebell, as I understand it your cousin's wife remarried after he died albeit very soon after. Wondering if your cousin had been a long time ill beforehand. I have heard that if someone is happily married and the spouse dies they often marry again quite soon. Happiness all round for those surviving.

Astitchintime

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

I found the phone number of the woman my husband was having an affair with and phoned her. I said to her, why are you doing this to me and my children. I’ve been a good wife. And she said ‘are you’. I put the mobile phone back on the coffee table and couldn’t touch it for days. I just skirted round it. When I said to my husband ‘what about our children’ he just said ‘ but it’s got nothing to do with the children’. He didn’t think that it would affect them in any way. Our son was doing his A Levels at the time and I had to do everything possible to prevent him from knowing what was happening. When he eventually bought a house with her and moved out our daughter didn’t speak to him for years; she said she’d always worked hard at school and tried to make us proud of her and he’d completely let her down. He was never at home anyway.neither away on business, or at various council meetings or at the pub or visiting his old uni friends. His sister said he was like that because he was in an unhappy marriage. But years later, and in a relationship with another, much nicer woman, he still lives in exactly the same way. However, he would never have had an affair if the woman hadn’t encouraged him, as he’d had plenty of opportunities throughout the years. No one could understand why he’d left us for someone who nobody liked ( to add insult to injury she’d even moved to our village while he was having the affair with her ).

Obviously Sago doesn't know whether this woman is hoping that this man will leave his wife and family, some women would do this for "fun". It is distasteful, whatever the relationship is based upon.

Galton

I am lost what does AC mean please?

Adult children

And if this is true- and they have tried their best and fought to mend things- they should at least have the guts to accept it is over, be honest, but kind and fair, and separate, and not just cheat and lie.

Claremont

Yes, this is what they all say!

Maybe it's true.

I am lost what does AC mean please?

Yes, this is what they all say!

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

Why not part blame her. If she knows he is married, then she should walk away.

I truly cannot understand any woman would would stay with a repeat cheat. Someone could make a mistake once perhaps, and do all the rok to mend trust. But twice or more?

And put up with it because of the high wage and nice house, etc?. No way.

I do know of one woman who did, again and again, but that was because she had a several handicapped daughter who worshipped her dad.

The Man is married. He’s the one in the wrong. Do not blame the other woman. She didn’t do the promising.

None of your business, keep your mouth firmly shut.

AGAA4

It's not pearl clutching. I've seen families torn apart by an affair. Children can suffer very badly. To think it's acceptable if one partner is having an affair then the other one can is irresponsible and makes the situation worse.

Quite right!

Lathyrus3

I’m aware that my bowling thing has hijacked this thread but one last post on the nature of lying and control.

It seems to me that a partner who says I am happy for you to spend time playing bowls but I would like you to spend non- playing time doing things with me is openly and honestly expressing what she needs in the relationship. I see no control there because the other person can then chose what he does based on that knowledge.

But if he pretends to agree to that and then lies about what he is doing he has brken that agreement and the trust that has been put in him. He is the one exercising control because he is dictating how their everyday life works through his deception.
She should be able to make the choice of whether to stay with a man who prefers to spend non-bowling time with his friends rather than her or leave.

Removing her choice of how she would act if she knew the truth is far more controlling than her openly expressing dissatisfaction.

Well people are allowed to like watching things. I don't suppose he spends every spare minute watching bowls.

Id advise him to consider leaving her and being free to enjoy whatever he likes as often as he likes. Life's too short to be controlled.

I’m aware that my bowling thing has hijacked this thread but one last post on the nature of lying and control.

It seems to me that a partner who says I am happy for you to spend time playing bowls but I would like you to spend non- playing time doing things with me is openly and honestly expressing what she needs in the relationship. I see no control there because the other person can then chose what he does based on that knowledge.

But if he pretends to agree to that and then lies about what he is doing he has brken that agreement and the trust that has been put in him. He is the one exercising control because he is dictating how their everyday life works through his deception.
She should be able to make the choice of whether to stay with a man who prefers to spend non-bowling time with his friends rather than her or leave.

Removing her choice of how she would act if she knew the truth is far more controlling than her openly expressing dissatisfaction.

Another memory of my divorce after my ex's affair with my friend - I was really hurt that it transpired that other friends knew and didn't tell me. Just saying.

Iam64

Can’t you see the difference between a loving honest relationship and a controlling one?

Yes I can that's why I sympathise with a man who has to pretend to go bowling as him going to watch his friend bowling isn't allowed. Women can be controlling and abusive as well as men but it seems like women get sympathy in that situation and men don't.

Can’t you see the difference between a loving honest relationship and a controlling one?

Iam64

To re-visit this. I agree with Lathryus that lying about watching a bowls match is a Trust Destroyer. I can’t imagine ever having told Mr I he wasn’t allowed to do anything. We loved and respected each other, had interests we perused separately as well as together. If I discovered he hadn’t been researching something at the library, he’d been watching the cricket, I’d have felt discombobulated. I would have wondered why he lied and what else he’d lie about. Lies - red flag.
It would have changed our relationship\
An affair - would have ended it

Being so controlling that your partner needs to lie about watching a friend's bowling match would also be a marriage breaker for some. My sympathies are with the controlled not the controller.

Jaxjacky

The information from the OP is second hand, neither us nor she or her friends know the facts and probably never will.

The friends do know the facts.
It’s so sad.