Why is 21st C life so stressful

My phone is one mass of different apps, half of which I don’t use so I decided to clear some of them - trouble is I don’t want to remove anything important and it is not always clear what they actually do or lead to. I have shopped with Temu for a while now and most of the stuff is pretty good but you need to be careful. It is cheaper than Amazon and delivers very quickly for free. They give free gifts which are quite good,too.

I have managed, quite easily, to stay off temu. But my DiL, who I love and trust, uses it so I tried to just take a peek to see what they have.
Ha! I can't get in without a pin, but as I've never used it before what pin did they mean?
I tried a few different pins, then just random stuff.
Finally, I just gave up!
I've since found out what pin they wanted, not that I can recall it now, but I ultimately decided to leave it as I wasn't happy with them wanting a pin!!

I really do love what domestic technology does for me making my life so easy and pleasant - but cannot deny that it also causes me so much stress. I only know how to 'work' that technology, not set it up or repair/correct it.

So last Thursday, having one those bad nights, I did what I often do in that circumstance and went into my living room on my recliner/riser chair to watch something boring on tv in order to help me back to bed and sleep. Did not put on my specs so could not read some message which came up on the screen, pressed the remote - and so managed to disconnect my tv from my wi-fi.

Not such a terrible thing, but despite trying then a couple of times, and the following day on several occasions, just could not get it to accept my email address and wi-fi password to re-set it. Still no idea why!!! Just technology having a go at me!!!

Okay, I was not going to go hungry, or get made homeless, but my nice, cosy world was undermined. I love tv - particularly in the evenings, when I settle down, in nightie and dressing gown, with my knitting and watch streamed programmes of my choice (never what is actually on life tv). And that niggling worry, that if I cannot get it to re=-join my wi-fi something major wrong. It DID stress me out much more than seems reasonable.

Of course, later in afternoon, son-in-law popped in, did exactly what I had been doing - and it immediately responded to him correctly and all sorted.

I was told off for getting so stressed over such a minor problem - all very well for them to say to me - but does not stop it happening.

In my younger days with a large number of children, and a severely disabled hubbie, I did have serious concerns daily about paying bills and providing enough good food, etc. etc.- concerns about losing out house, as well as the oft repeated hopitalisation of my hubbie. - so I really do know what those sort of horrible stresses are like.

I am fortunate that life is good for me now and all those children, grown up and doing well - I am not trying to compare my stress with not being able to use my living room tv to hiding from the milkman, etc. but stress it is just the same.

rafichagran

I agree with the OP, IT can make life stressful and annoying. I don't think the poster was comparing it to not being a struggle to put food on the table, or parents watching children being evacuated during the war. That was a different emotion to stress and annoyance. Parents seeing their children being evacuated was sad and heart wrenching.

That's exactly what I meant upthread. Those things in previous generations were far worse than not being able to scan a QR code or fearing your online banking's been hacked (or it actually being hacked). But they're different emotions & ways of coping with them are different.
I agree with OP that 21st century life is stressful for humans.

Now a widow, I need to make a new will. The solicitor whom we've always used has a copy of my old one, but I had to certify my identity. (Why?)

This involved downloading an App called Credas.

Then I had to put in a special code which they emailed.
Then photograph my passport on the app
Then take a selfie for the app
Then photograph my driving licence
Then my council tax bill

Each time, it took a minute or two for the app to accept each document.

The whole thing wasn't exactly difficult, but I couldn't see the point, since I have been known to that firm since 1979.

I agree with the OP, IT can make life stressful and annoying. I don't think the poster was comparing it to not being a struggle to put food on the table, or parents watching children being evacuated during the war. That was a different emotion to stress and annoyance. Parents seeing their children being evacuated was sad and heart wrenching.

There was a very similar thread recently on Mumsnet. As one who hates the dominance of apps I was surprised at how many mumsnetters also hate them (I am assuming the average on there is on the younger side).

I think it probably helped "nudge" the memory enough to turn out the rest of the phone number when one had to start it mentally with the number of the exchange.

But...yep...I can't remember my PIN numbers now - after having had to change my cards because someone I knew turned out to be a thief instead of a friend. It was easy to bin him within a matter of hours once I was quite clear he was a "thief" instead of a "person" iyswim. Easy to ring my bank and tell them to change my cards just-in-case and explain I'd made an error of character judgement. But can I remember my new numbers? Can I heck as like - and I guess it's a mental block of resentment from having had to do that because of him...

I think that's the thing - ie if you resent having to remember something you shouldnt have to remember = then you won't remember it, even if you need to. That's probably at least part of why I can't get on with smartphones or driving a car.....because I don't want to have to use them and want "phones as they were - including coinbox phones" and "good public transport".

The thing with mobile phone numbers is to memorise those of your close contacts by reciting them in your head in a more rhythmic way.
Rather like the more “normal” old phone numbers. Everyone had a “list” in their heads then.
Ditto PIN numbers for banks etc.

Those older granetters who said we are being ridiculous when we said modern life has become more stressful because of technology, I like to know when their broadband, tv and mobile phone goes wrong, who sort it out for them?

I am in my earlier 60s and I do find technology challenging.

When things go wrong. For example, when our broadband slowed right down, I was on the phone with our service provider for 30 minutes. She even asked me to unscrew the broadband master socket from the wall.

At the end of the 30 minutes, she said ‘We cannot detect any fault and will be sending our engineer to your house tomorrow morning’.

Three unsuccessful attempts to claim refund from East Midlands Railway and then I give up. When we were selling our overseas property, it took me 11 attempts to scan my husband’s face for facial recognition to access a government portal. If I gave up halfway, the property will remain unsold.

Ridiculous. Former times pre-1900 had no NHS, no unemployment benefits, limited sewage services, poor drinking water, child labour including chimney sweeping, women and children working in the mines, etc.

Granmarderby10

I think here is an arrogance in the assumption that everyone is doing this that and the other online and one must be living under a rock if your shopping,banking and household bills aren’t managed through apps.
These are all well and good if you fully understand how they work, and you feel confident and secure.
There is an awful lot of nerdy waffle in the instructions to follow sometimes which makes it worse when it is something that “must” be done.
It is stressful because too often after multiple attempts at logging into or registering an account for something important one has to give up and the original need or task remains undone.

I agree with you 100%.

Just reading your very accurate and realistic description of the problems that so frequently arise has been enough to trigger my anxiety.

keepingquiet

Something I say often ftm420.

Yesterday I spent hours trying to get through to someone regarding my new contract for gas and electric.

Then it was my broadband contract, replying to an e-mail I had received saying my contract was about to expire. I don't have a mobile contract but they kept putting me though to people who wanted to upgrade my mobile account.

After about 90 minutes the issue still wasn't resolved because there were two issues and they could only deal with one at a time, two days apart. Even though they e-mailed me saying my contract was about the end- the actual expiry date was June- so they told me to ring back in a few weeks!

Then it was my TV license- they thanked me for renewing it in an e-mail but no money had gone from my account. Again, I was worried the license hadn't actually renewed so I rang up.
It isn't due to be renewed for three more weeks!

Of course my mum and grandparents had very stressful lives but that sort of thinking doesn't help people who find negotiating on-line contracts and e-mails very difficult and stressful, maybe not in the same way but these things can be very challenging for some of us.

Was the broadband issue with Vodaphone, by any chance? You have just described almost_exactly_ the same problems that I had with them last year, and which have just started to happen again this year!

Do not realise now much these days, we depend on our' go-everywhere with us' Smarpthones.

I was away for a weekend recently, travelling firstly to stay with my eldest daughter in London - I travel by trains in my electric wheelchair. As the train drew out of my local station I realised I had left my phone behind at home!!!! Silly of me, but could do nothing at that point, Normally, as I start on the last leg of this journey (train from Liverpool St station to her local station), I telephone her to confirm the train I have she walks down to the station to meet me.

Had another daughter leaving my home town later that day, driving and she has keys to my flat, so could have easily collected my phone for me (and warned my other daughter not to expect that arrival phone call - BUT did not have a single telephone number in my head - so reliant had I become on using that smart phone for all calls. The ONLY telephone number I could remember was my London daughter's old landline number, which I know she had long since discontinued usage..
Yes, I do keep all those numbers written down - in my diary, which was sitting together with my phone at home!!!
Made for a distressing journey as I knew my daughter would be worried at the lack of my phone call - and she was!!!! If I had a telephone number in my head I could have asked a fellow passenger if I could use their phone for that one call = I usually find that the combination of my silver grey head of hair, the wheelchair (and being female) does tend to get most people being very helpful.

Grammaretto

It sounds idyllic, Cariad

I left my smart phone on the plane going to NZ last year, when changing planes at Qatar. I never got it back but survived not only the journey but a month in NZ without access to numbers, emails, Facebook , camera.
It was very peaceful and quiet. A real holiday.

I borrowed an old phone for keeping in contact with my son while there
but on arrival home in Edinburgh, there was no public phone at the airport and even the airline check-in counter told me they weren't to use their phones, security issues so to call a friend to collect me at 6am I had to ask a porter if I could call her.

Yep....it does take away our independence if we have to ask for something to be done for us that we are used to doing for ourselves/still intend to do for ourselves. I don't want to be forced into borrowing the use of someone else's phone in an emergency - I just want a landline phone available (eg coinbox) that I can use myself...just as I've been used to. I don't feel "guilty" about the - very occasional - time I have to ask for a bit of help I never used to have to ask for - as it wasnt my choice to "change everything". I'm still perfectly capable of doing things the "traditional" way....

I like your advice too Fran.

It can be hard to follow when you're in the thick of it....

The news, that stresses me and I am always in tears seeing how people are being treated. Not watching it, it should be called Bad News.
Another stress is trying to speak to a person on the phone, I had a message from the Tax Office, couldn't get on line to get my problem sorted, the virtual assistant was as much use as a chocolate teapot, you can’t email them, you phone and have to listen to messages for an hour and are then cut off. A human being could have sorted it with correct information in ten minutes
All these passwords for different sites which i can’t find when I need them, I have a book but sometimes with the best will, I forget to record a change.

Very good advice FranD0618
Will print it out.

I find my life is much less stressful if I avoid political posts. Stream an old movie like The Maltese Falcon ot His Girl Friday. Watch YouTube clips of people dancing. Do a crossword puzzle. Take your kids to dinner. Scientists agree: even under the worst-case environmental predictions, most of our descendants will simply move to Canada & live there happily ever after. Take up knitting & baking to satisfy your need for creativity. Do crossword puzzles & sudoku to keep your brain active. Walk outside at least 30 minutes a day. Smile & say hi to people. Find a volunteer activity. My husband died of cancer 2 years ago. I had to sell the house & put down 2 dogs. I was coping with dental surgery gone horribly wrong. Last year my femur broke & I struggled with physical therapy but I was determined to walk unassisted & for the most part I do. Ignore the news that distresses you. Read books that make you laugh. Put on your favorite playlist & dance. Weirdly, if you act happy, even if it's just an act at first, you become happy.

Les1950

Yes it was hard for our grgrandparents. 2 of them had 17 children and lost 10. How do u cope with that? Mygrandmother lost a son in ww1, then a son from epilepsy. I have a terminally ill son now, and it's breaking my heart. Apps and call centres are annoying, but just have to cope with them.

Agreed.

Mum's brothers were all pilots, taken down by flak. None lived through the war. I've suffered 4 miscarriages. Our daughter was a young widow.

Apps and call centers annoy me, but nothing compares to young death, imo.

Thank u Granmaretto. I do family history, so found out about grgrandparents, which we never knew.

That's so terrible for you Les.
It must be very annoying seeing everyone
grumble about technology.
Don't look!

I think we should start a thread about our DGP, who, as you say, all struggled
with much worse things. A kind of celebration of them.

Yes it was hard for our grgrandparents. 2 of them had 17 children and lost 10. How do u cope with that? Mygrandmother lost a son in ww1, then a son from epilepsy. I have a terminally ill son now, and it's breaking my heart. Apps and call centres are annoying, but just have to cope with them.

It sounds idyllic, Cariad

I left my smart phone on the plane going to NZ last year, when changing planes at Qatar. I never got it back but survived not only the journey but a month in NZ without access to numbers, emails, Facebook , camera.
It was very peaceful and quiet. A real holiday.

I borrowed an old phone for keeping in contact with my son while there
but on arrival home in Edinburgh, there was no public phone at the airport and even the airline check-in counter told me they weren't to use their phones, security issues so to call a friend to collect me at 6am I had to ask a porter if I could call her.