Partner can't say he will always be there for our little girl

Sounds to me like you should have had a proper conversation before you decided to have a child. If this is real, which I doubt.

MaxieF

In terms of fatherhood. He has fallen into it. He gets up during the night. He does all house chores first thing while I sleep in. He constantly plays and cuddles our baby and tells me he loves me. I don't have any reason to doubt him.

Why are you asking him, then?

Yes you are being very unreasonable and I'm not surprised he's fed up of these alternative universes (you) keep creating. If you're not careful you may find yourself living in one of them because you've driven him away.

To me it sounds like kids having kids.

MaxieF

He wanted more context, I said about if we broke up now. He said he wouldn't have a relationship with our daughter as she is a baby and can't be away from me. He said he would be a stranger and it would be in her best interest to not have him around. Isn't thay a strange answer? Why can't he fight for her

Why can't he fight for her? I think this question says it all. A man does not need to fight the mother of his child. This is why he may feel like walking away.
I think it is you who are wanting a fight where there needn't be one.
I really feel for this child...

You seem very controlling. Even in the way you’re posting on the thread you started. I feel a bit sorry for your partner.

Also do take notice of what M0nica advises, she makes very good sense.

*MaxieF
As OP have said, you have only recently given birth and you are bound to be feeling emotional. You could be suffering from post natal depression which is making you dwell on problems that are probably not there. Just tell your partner that you love him, that he’s a brilliant dad and that you are sure he’s never going to leave you and baby and then make yourself stop starting arguments with him about silly things as you will push him away. Do you have other people around to give you support?

Try Mumsnet.

MaxieF I think you posted on GN because you expected us to all agree with you, and when we don't you thought that repeating the demand will change our views. They won't.

You need to listen to what we are saying, even though it disagrees with everything you have convinced yourself your partner should be doing.

More than anything, though, you gave birth only 3 weeks ago and your hormones have still not settled down.

I think what you should be doing is talking to your Health Visitor or Midwife or whatever medical person is checking on the physical and mental health of you and your child. Tell them how love for your beautiful daughter is causing problems in your relationship. You will not be the only mother whose mental state is fragile after giving birth.

For your daughter's sake, to do everything you can to make your relationship continue by seeking help now.

You have just given birth so you are probably feeling emotional at the moment.

However, from previous posts you do sound very needy, and by keeping questioning him all the time, you could drive him away. This happened to a friend of DD, her husband said he felt suffocated by the demands his wife made on him all the time and he left in the end.

Try to relax and both enjoy new parenthood.

You are causing this, if it’s all true.

Maxie, you want certainty but by asking your partner questions like that you are introducing uncertainty and insecurity into your relationship, and actually forcing him to question his future with his child. It’s early days for both of you as parents, accept that you are both adapting to a new phase in your life together and don’t introduce doubt into it.

It sounds as though he has a lot of good points.

Yes it is a protection thing. Once we brought her home, I remember looking at her and thinking that I cant let anything happen to her and that everything must be for her. I loved her when she was the bump but my God, I didn't thinj it was possible to love someone so much. When she was born and they put her on my chest it was love at first sight. My partner said it was that too. He said he first felt love in the delivery room whilst I was in labour.

He does love her. He has sat feeding her smiling at her and speaking to her. He said he would die for her and will do whatever it takes in her best interest.

I did start an argument yesterday as the ceiling light in her nursery was bought with his ex back in 2020.

He hassaid that he won't ever break us up and it will be me and he doesn't ever me reason to doubt him. He got up this morning at 430am to feed her despite him having work this morning and he let me lie in until 11am (he works from home) and then brought me a coffee. He has also set up a pension fund already for her and has sold some of his own investments to put money into it.

He said if she was older he would have to revis the situation and see how he felt st that tine and decide what was best for her then. I dunno, I just wanted him to say, that he would always be there et.c he is very logical and it drives me crazy

At the moment, so soon after the birth you may have a stronger feeling of love for your baby than her father has, it often comes to fathers a bit later. He loves you so much that he couldn’t bear to see you if you split up , so in his mind it would be easier to not see his child. This could be how he feels now but when he gets that rush of love for his child he will not say that.

You are over thinking, probably hormonal and the natural overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect your child.

I don't think that you can rely on this guy to be there for you nor your little girl .
Recently I gave a guy the heave ho because he was making excuses about ditching his first wife and their five children .
I didn't like what I heard and I told him .
Move on .
Good luck .

Dear MaxieF you have ONLY JUST given birth. There is so much you are having to get used to, probably without anything near enough sleep. This is not just a challenging time, but your body will be giving you all sorts of mood swings and worries because it's swamped with hormones. Like PMT on steroids, if I remember rightly. I know you are stressed that dad hasn't given an unequivocal verbal promise to always be involved with your daughter, but please don't make this a hill for your relationship to die on. Wait it out, and he'll either say it or show it if his commitment to your little family holds out. He's being a good father at the moment, which is a very positive sign.
Please concentrate on being gentle with yourself, and those around you, and wait for the post partum maelstrom to pass. You will feel more grounded and secure, in a couple of months. Honest!
(Mother of 5, Granny to 6, Great Gran to another 5)

It seems you are fixating on this one thing. Did you plan this pregnancy? Did you involve him from the beginning? Have you made him in any way feel less of a person?

I ask these questions because I know someone this happened to. She set the father up to fail by gaslighting him until he was forced to leave after false allegations were made against him.

I'm not saying this is what you are doing but men are very sensitive about fatherhood (something that isn't really recognised enough) and he may have friends who have been gaslighted in this way, or similar.

Your baby is only a few weeks old and there is already a crack in your relationship. Speak to your health visitor (if they still exist) and try to focus on the many positive things he is doing for his child, and for you.

You both have to put the needs of the child first otherwise it doesn't bode well for the future...

Can you not just live for now? You have a lovely daughter and a partner that loves his daughter - that is joyous! He is entering into fatherhood you say and actively being part of her life - doing his bit with her care and helping you. By pressing him for these answers - you are risking pushing him away.

Is the father the guy you met on PoF in 2021?

He keeps saying we are only going to break up cause of me. He doesn't want that and isn't thinking about it so he finds it difficult to give an outcome when we aren't in thay situation, he doesn't know how he will feel and he doesn't know whay has happened.

I just wanted him to say he would always be there. Why can't a parent do that? Is it not easy to say that and do it.

In terms of fatherhood. He has fallen into it. He gets up during the night. He does all house chores first thing while I sleep in. He constantly plays and cuddles our baby and tells me he loves me. I don't have any reason to doubt him.

He wanted more context, I said about if we broke up now. He said he wouldn't have a relationship with our daughter as she is a baby and can't be away from me. He said he would be a stranger and it would be in her best interest to not have him around. Isn't thay a strange answer? Why can't he fight for her