Stay or go

Like OldFrill I think there’s not enough information in your post. If you’ve been together in his house a long time then it would be nice if you were given a fair amount of time to make arrangements before moving out. If it’s a fairly new relationship I can see that he might want to wait a while before making provisions in his will for you. Is he a widower or divorced? Did he promise his AC’s mother that their children will inherit their joint assets? I can sort of see what he may be thinking. You speak of your house and his house, you have one each, so why would you want to stay in his? And you don’t say for how long. Just a few months to get sorted out or for the remainder of your life? The latter may not leave his children much time to benefit from their inheritance. Will you be happy leaving your house to him? I don’t mean to sound harsh but this sounds as if it could be a newish relationship and you’re having doubts about your commitment to each other. You need to have a frank conversation about it, not just ‘wait and see’.

How long have you been partners? Where were you living before you and your partner both moved into this house? How long would you want to be able to stay in his house should he die first? Do you rely on the rent from your house as income or can you manage without it (in which case you could - if you raise enough funds by selling it - buy half the house you share with your partner and leave a life interest in it to each other. This would give him half the value of the house to give)leave to his children and they would realise the other half in your death (or when you sold the house).
I can understand his reticence in giving you a life interest in his property if you don't own any if it. I also recognise your concerns but you do have your own property so he's not leaving you destitute.

Yes, you should definitely make your own provision for the future. It would be much more difficult to establish yourself elsewhere as you become older. I would certainly plan to move back to your own house or sell and buy somewhere else once your tennant vacates. Your current position is too precarious.

I don’t think there’s any doubt - you should move into your own property. If he cared at all about you he’d make provision for you. You deserve better.

Once your house is vacant, you can say to partner

"From now on, I shall be spending more time in my own home. I'm looking forward to having time to please myself with no ties or obligations.

Do keep in touch, and let me know if you'd ever like to come and spend the weekend. ".

Hi Tilda21, Are his children behind his decision not to provide for you ? If he allows you to stay in his house , that’s going to impact on them . I only ask because a similar thing happened to a male friend of ours , he moved into his partners house , cared for her when she had cancer and after her death , he had to move out because the house had been left to his children . He claimed she wanted him to stay but the AC vetoed it.
I agree with other posters , move back into your house when your tenant leaves . If you love him , that’s going to be hard but you need to consider your future .

I m with the majority on here I d move to your own place you need the security and he’s obviously not that bothered about you

I would move into your house you own. And you will feel safe. If he died tomorrow you have no legal position to stay in his house. Move and take all the things you have brought with you . As soon as he died his children would want you out so they can sell the house vacant .
I know this sounds harsh but he doesn't want to protect you . So move and make a new life for yourself. And feel safe and happy .

You have no security either physically in terms of living in the house he owns and will leave to his children, or emotional security as he won’t add to his will thst you live in that property so his children can’t kick yiu out and sell it.

Time to tell him to ensure your security or you’re moving into your own place
I’d take the latter option whatever he said. He isn’t trustworthy or dedicated to your well being

My advice is to move back into your house Tilda. You can continue with the relationship if you want too, by dividing your time between his house and yours.

Your partner does not want to marry you, and the house you are both living in is his and will be left to his children when he dies, and he has made no provision at all for you in his will.

So the sensible thing, unless you love him too much to contemplate it, is to move back to your own house as soon as your tenant leaves it.

Even if you do love him, the sensible thing is to move now, as you say, you can still make a new life for yourself. You can, if you want, give him the option of coming with you and renting his house out for a while.

Don't procrastinate!

If you do not move back to your own house now, you will presumably have to rent it out again, and then what happens if your partner suddenly drops dead? You cannot just evict your tenant, but your partner's children can, and probably will, make no bones about asking you to move out, as the intend to sell the house.

Move to your home in the North and start your new life.

Judge people by what they do, not what they say. It’s his house, he can dispose of it however he wishes but if he doesn’t give you a lifetime right to live there it means he doesn’t care enough about you to bother. I’d be making preparations to go when it suited me. What if he becomes frail or ill, will you be looking after him only to have to move if he dies first?

I bet he doesn't "care" because you are staying.

How long have you been together?

Even if he fulfilled your wish, would his family fight you on it?

Watch on your resentment growing - take care of yourself

You probably do not want to hear this, but it may help you to come to a decision. Our erstwhile next door neighbours were not married. He died aged 97, with a proviso in his will that the partner of 27 years must move out within 3 months. We felt it absolutely heartless. The inheritors allowed her to stay for a further two months, but thereafter, she had to go.

It really does sound as though this is not much of a relationship at all; and now he has shown himself to be unconcerned about your well-being.

Time to head North I think!

Which bit of “he doesn’t want to marry” do you not understand?

Thanks for your comments, Sounds sensible to wait and see. I suppose it upsets me that he doesn’t seem to care enough and it is definitely causing a strain on the relationship.

And gentlemen, most spouses/partners want to stay in the home they are familiar with after the death of the other, even if you are married the house becomes part of the estate with no guarantees unless written into the will.

If I die first my wife gets residency for her lifespan then the house reverts to my family. This is a very common provision and I see no reason why any named person could not do this.

As you have your own property you are not destitute and could move in there, if that house is not where you want to live sell it and buy somewhere different. Living with your partner has enabled you to rent out your house so you should have savings. As you fear for the future you should make your own arrangements, whether you stay with your partner or leave soon, will be part of that,

Tell him that it’s bothering you so much that action has to be taken now or you’ll have to leave and live in your house in the North. It really is as simple as that.

Sorry I misread and you are not married.

Depends on how long you have been together, do you love him, does he love you. Is he giving it thought about leaving you in his property when he dies? or won’t he even discuss it?
I would give it until the end of the year, if he hasn’t made up his mind, I would move back home, tbh.

You sound pretty much as if this is the final straw, I imagine there is more, but certainly as we get older life really is too short and if you feel this relationship is far from what you imagined I would advise divorce as the previous poster said, or if not married you should just cut your losses and sell your property in the North to raise money for yourself.

I doesn't sound to me as if Tilda21 is married, Fairislecable.

If no provision is being made for you then for your own peace of mind, go to your own property when it's vacated next year. Until then, make sure you squirrel away what you can because presumably you have contributed to the running of his home.
You don't have to wait for the inevitable should he go first. He sounds thoroughly unpleasant, not making provision for you.

If you have been married for at least 6 years it would be better if you divorced him, at least that way you would have a 50 per cent claim on your home.

Although he will also have a 50 per cent claim on your property.

The other advantage of divorce means you can take control of your own life and make choices, rather than wait around for other people’s wishes to take effect.