Let me eat my food!

Chardy

A few years ago, I went to a wedding at a well-known London hotel. (Don't get excited, I was the plus one) The waiter kept topping up the wine almost every time I took a sip. All the waiters were clearly told to. Very intrusive to conversation and very irritating. And difficult to keep tabs on how much you were drinking.

I rarely have problems with my glass being topped up but have had this happen when attending dinners at my old college. There was a different wine with every course and I was driving home afterwards. I decided just to have wine with one course and I gave the others away to fellow guests who were stying overnight! Fortunately I live near enough to go home afterwards as staying over is quite expensive. Surprisingly the waiters rarely ask how the food is on these occasions. I guess it's because it is a fixed menu and we aren't paying for it! Normally when dining out I expect to be asked once if the food is ok and would be irritated if asked more than that.

Crossstichfan: Twerp, what a lovely word. Haven't heard it in years. My mum often used it

I wonder if the risk of complaints, unnoticed at the time, going straight to social media might be encouraging over attentiveness? There certainly are some damming reviews that get through to Tripadvisor and the likes.

I find it even more annoying when something isn’t right, no one comes to ask, and my meal is rapidly cooling while I try to attract someone’s attention.
If your mouth is full, a quick nod, thumbs up or similar probably works. I don’t like my wine glass being topped up either - I simply pop my hand over the top when I can see the waiter approaching.
But I do hate it when they don’t wait for your answer - or when you sense it’s a device to speed you through their system to free up the table.
A couple of times I’ve actually had a message back from the kitchen, thanking me for my useful feedback. Even competent places can’t assume that everything has gone to plan and surely a quick check with the customer it’s just good practice?

What a cranky person you must be, it's part of their job to ask. I bet you would be the first to make a fuss if everything wasn't up to your standards.

This sounds more like an elderly granny complaint!

If everything is good then just say with a smile/giggle - "Everything is absolutely fine thankyou - and believe me you would soon know if it wasn't. No need to check again until the next course".

Always works and no one is offended.
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I'd rather they ask a better question such as 'Is everything to your liking, in terms of quality and portion size" and then really listened. It's then you could say, "I'd have liked more of... but it's very tasty". I would then like them to say we'll be sure to let the chefs and manager know. Bit involved I know but it would make a difference to me especially as eating out is so expensive and it's not something I do every week.

2 of my teenage grandchildren are currently looking for weekend jobs in hospitality. I’ll have to tell them not to be too attentive to customers or they might be reported to the manager.

Slightly off thread but why do sales staff pounce on you asking if you need help as soon as you walk in the shop? Not all shops.

I think they are trying to get you to finish the bottle quickly so you’ll ask for another!

We go to a local restaurant for lunch every Friday and there is a waitress there who does this. She just doesn't seem to have any real understanding of being a waitress and always interrupts just as we are starting to eat. Also she asks my husband if he'd like another beer when he's not finished the last one, a cardinal sin in his eyes. Yesterday she asked if we'd like to order a dessert when we'd already ordered one.
There are quite a few other waiting staff who work on different days at different times and they are all fine, though it sometimes takes a new person a couple of weeks to get the hang of it. The one I'm writing about must have been there almost a year and she still doesn't get it.
I don't mind being asked if I'm enjoying my meal, in fact if I'm not asked I may well tell them how good it was, but some people don't seem to be able to pick the right time.

It would be totally rude on the Continent, not to ask. In fact, where I live, the Chef is meant to come out of the kitchen at the end of service and go around all tables to greet guests and ask how they enjoyed the meal.

If you go there regularly, why don't you ask to speak to the Manager, and tell him, with a big smile and in a friendly manner, how you feel. No need to be unpleasant.

Thanks for responses. I keep going there because it's local and lovely and good food, good value. Yes. I know the staff are only doing what they're told to do. I wouldn't be rude to them- and tbh complaining to the manager is OTT. It would just be awkward and I'd be put off going back.
I think I am being unreasonable.....and should put up, shut up -or speak up if it gets worse. Thanks all x

Well said TerriBull, as a student I worked in a posh little café & we were told to ask diners if everything was satisfactory. We did however know who to steer well -clear of & I'm not talking about the posh gentleman flasher! 😉

I do think there is an obligation on waiters to ask how the meal is, after a certain time has elapsed and the customer has eaten at least part of the meal. They are only doing what they have been directed to do. I don't mind being asked quite honestly, it takes a nano second to say "fine thanks"

I suppose one could just wave them away instead of saying anything. And, if they persist, tell them straight out it's annoying and be assertive with the 'do not ask me again' message such as "I realise you've probably been told to do this but I'm the customer and I'm asking you not to do it. You can quote me to your line manager."

And complain about it later directly in a review or in a letter to the manager of the place.

Never encountered this, and I go out regularly (not particularly posh places though not sure if that makes a difference )
usually asked once which is fine

I like them to ask once as that enables you to either say all is fine or not as the case may be.

I used to work in restaurants and cafes, and always left customers alone after the initial seating and order taking, unless they called me over or came to me.

In all the years, not once did I ever pounce on any of them, or repeatedly ask if their food was OK, no matter how much the managers told me I should!

As a customer, I don't mind at all when they ask me once, but it's pesty when it's multiple! I don't blame the staff, they're just doing their job, but it's always when I have a mouthful and sit there having to use ''sign language'' to say ''yes, it's delicious!''

There are two cafes I go to around here, both within a couple of minutes' walk of each other. I know all the regular staff and they know me, all by name, so they just don't ask me any more as they know the answer will always be ''oh it's gorgeous!''

One of them does the most gob-smacking large mug of hot chocolate with cream and mini pink and white marshmallows!

Hospitality staff just can't win when it comes to you lot! You complain if they're too attentive and complain if they are not.

I said ‘mostly it works and mostly it doesn’t! ‘ What a twerp!
I’ll try again - mostly it works but often it doesn’t.

A few years ago, I went to a wedding at a well-known London hotel. (Don't get excited, I was the plus one) The waiter kept topping up the wine almost every time I took a sip. All the waiters were clearly told to. Very intrusive to conversation and very irritating. And difficult to keep tabs on how much you were drinking.

Have you told the manager how irritating it is?

Apologies for the kisses - madly messaging family too.

We've just been out to lunch and the staff only asked once but in a really friendly way. They were great. Xx