Romance scams

‘Romance scams’ have existed since the dawn of time. Back in day we just met unscrupulous people in the pub, at work, or any other social gathering. Most of us have been taken for a ride I’m sure ( in varying degrees ) The thing with the online scammers is they deliberately target people who they think will fall for it. It’s a business!
More often than not it’s older women who are targeted. And that’s purely because they’re more likely to live alone, but more importantly, more likely to have money.

FranP

I watch Scam interceptors and subscribe to Which? scams. These folks have an opinion that we are all rich and fair game.

One lady said she had given them just £165 (approx) and they told her she must have some more to "protect" and we heard him getting pretty abusive that she was lying to him. They had called back to try again, when the interceptors got hold. They spoke to the scammer and asked him if he was ashamed, and he actually said that we in the UK could afford it.
I think that the romance scammers think the same, including the ones who actually want to use the relationship to get into the country. How many delusional/fragile/lonely older women are gently and persistently persuaded that this Greek Adonis loves them for themselves rather than their money, their home and their lifestyle? Perhaps if we were more involved in our friends/families/neighbours this might be less likely, do we think?

I think you're right - the "they can afford it" thing. Which obviously:

a. They won't be right re many people.
b. Even if they can = it's our money and being a scammer is not a valid job option just because one is in a poorer country.

It's only on a different - and less individual - scale for a country as a whole (various ones I can think of) trying to say we should pay them "reparations" for goodness sake for what a few of us only have ancestors (not ourselves) doing.

I have a friend (yep...she is a friend - despite some of her views) that is South African and has been living in Britain for decades and she honestly thinks/argues we should pay "reparations" to other countries!

So - some people honestly do - think "They can afford it" (whether we can or can't) - whether individually or as a nation and try to steal it off us. One country has succeeded to date in stealing some of our money - as we saw!!!

I struggle with how some peoples minds work individually - but yep...had what I thought was a friend (living/STILL living literally only a few minutes walk from my home) - so an "in person" thing. But he had to be binned - because I realised he was/is a thief and was telling himself that I could "afford it" for him to steal some off me!!!!! Stupid wotname -as the town has a pretty good grapevine and people now know.....

Wyllow, I’m not speaking for Rosiesmaw, or anyone else here.

I’m so sorry you discovered the man you were with was a coercive abuser. That isn’t a Romance Scam, it’s believing the false face being presented is genuine. IMO that’s qualitatively different. Different, but similar - I shared the view expressed by parents that our headteacher was a fantastic head and a lovely man. It transpired he was a paedophile. He was charming, seemed so good with our children, the staff group liked and admired him. Our school Outstanding.

We are talking about real live people who earned but broke our trust because it was built on the sinking sand of manipulation and deceit. Yes I know Facebook scammers operate in similar ways but it’s different imo.

How doyou help the elderly lady who featured on Spam intercepters a while back.
She had been on the phone for 2 hours. The team couldn’t contact her.
She did eventually cut the call because she had to find some information the scammer wanted.
Nick jumped in quick and told her who he was and what was happening.
Her response was oh yes, I watch you every week

I know you intended it in a light hearted way, Rosie, but what you said,

“Why isn’t it?
 We’ve all lived a good few years, possibly kissed a few frogs whether or not we found a prince,but we’re hardly innocent maidens.
Common sense is just that, surely?

I’ve kissed more than a few frogs but until I met my coercive abuser at age 60 and as someone with I guess as good a sense of common sense as many here did not suspect it could happen to me.

A calculating man, with hidden issues, did win my heart and gradually took over my life

....until finally at 72 I realised I had been stripped bare of friendships, confidence, my hobbies, and yes my wallet:

when extreme things started to happen I had to wake up up and get involved with police and god only knows so many bizarre and bullying events - and him pleading one moment, bullying the next, trying to ge to my solicicitor and claiming I had nt got capacity top try and hold onto me

- I didnt take him to court as I wanted to get the divorce through, but the damage went very deep.

So - common sense isnt enough, and I did find what you wrote as patronising and a bit putting down.

🌞. This is beginning to remind me of the Monty Python sketch on rows where the question was do you want the short argument, or the full half hour

I’ve been out helping my young powerful lab not to roar at perceived threats this morning. He’s a giant softy but a handful if he feels threatened. He’s improving thank goodness

Feel free to post at will OldFrill as indeed I intend to do, with or without anybody's say so!

Iam64

To add, I’m often surprised at offence taken in response to a fairly innocuous comment, but we are all different.

I responded as l did as there was an inference from Rosieandhermaw that she would "not be bullied". I had not bullied her, but to put her mind at rest she can be assured l won't interact with her. Seems quite straightforward to me it's what I'd recommend in the playground - threatened - back off/don't antagonise and I tell my dog to do the same.

Allira

Who'd have thought Sir Tom Jones needed £500 to get his car mended before he could visit someone in Wales?

😂😂

Iam64

Sheesh - this is a forum for older women, most of us are grannies. I wonder how we help our grandchildren negotiate the ups and downs of life at school, without cutting someone off, flouncing, taking umbrage 🙈

Hear, hear Iam!
It’s coming to something when innocuous comments cause any poster to up sticks.

Who'd have thought Sir Tom Jones needed £500 to get his car mended before he could visit someone in Wales?

I watch Scam interceptors and subscribe to Which? scams. These folks have an opinion that we are all rich and fair game.

One lady said she had given them just £165 (approx) and they told her she must have some more to "protect" and we heard him getting pretty abusive that she was lying to him. They had called back to try again, when the interceptors got hold. They spoke to the scammer and asked him if he was ashamed, and he actually said that we in the UK could afford it.
I think that the romance scammers think the same, including the ones who actually want to use the relationship to get into the country. How many delusional/fragile/lonely older women are gently and persistently persuaded that this Greek Adonis loves them for themselves rather than their money, their home and their lifestyle? Perhaps if we were more involved in our friends/families/neighbours this might be less likely, do we think?

To add, I’m often surprised at offence taken in response to a fairly innocuous comment, but we are all different.

Paddington1914’ looking back, it’s clear I cross posted wuth rosiesmaw. My comment was in no way meant to criticise her

Paddington1914

RosieandherMaw.
Sorry but I think OldFrill is right. We read and post on this site as we feel at the moment/having read a post. Diffirent opinions are voiced - but they are not to be taken to heart/or offence taken.
Iam64 - spot on! Well said.

I think what Iam64 might have been saying was that what OldFrill said ie:
There are one or two on this forum I ignore and they ignore me. We can't all get along and that seems a fair solution. With respect I'll add you to that list.
I'd be grateful if you did likewise.
was really not what mature people should be doing ie:

I wonder how we help our grandchildren negotiate the ups and downs of life at school, without cutting someone off, flouncing, taking umbrage 🙈
As it is not a good example to our grandchildren.

That's how I read it anyway, apologies to Iam64 if I've misunderstood.

RosieandherMaw.
Sorry but I think OldFrill is right. We read and post on this site as we feel at the moment/having read a post. Diffirent opinions are voiced - but they are not to be taken to heart/or offence taken.
Iam64 - spot on! Well said.

I'm on FB and Insight Timer. On both platforms I get 'friend requests', always from men I don't accept any of them, even if they're people I actually know! Mind you, while my relationship with my late husband was one of equality, there's no way I'd embark on another. I value my independence.

I used to have a friend M, living alone and having inherited money from both parents...she met someone online and in a few weeks I couldn't stop her talking about him!
I remember I felt very dubious and said to her "This isn't a lending-money relationship, is it?"

I went on getting more worried, but the end of it was, she broke off the relationship with me!
I've never heard any more but often wonder....

I agree! They even sound foreign and if writing grammar is usually poor. My dad always said 'Beware if it sounds too good to be true it probaby is! You just cannot be too careful these days. A very elderly friend got sucked into that. She was flattered and liked the attention 'these' fake people' gave her on FB. Gave them her phone number! She really thought they were coming over to see her... I told her it was a scam but she would hear none of it... gave up and contacted her family.. now not on FB or anything phone calls go through a screening system.. Sad that this is our society now.

There is so much information available around now about scams it's a shame that somehow there are still people getting scammed. I signed up to the Which scam alerts email that alerts people to all new scams that are emerging, it's free and well worth signing up for.

That being said I would add that anybody can fall for a scam and it is nothing to do with intelligence, I almost fell for one a couple of years ago, the scammers are so innovative these days.

.

Witzend

El Al have been the safest airline to fly with for many many decades now, as their security is so tight.
.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgmn7vdpy0wo?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
after40yrs of internet stupid people

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002mbxt
A very good podcast on various scams.

Sheesh - this is a forum for older women, most of us are grannies. I wonder how we help our grandchildren negotiate the ups and downs of life at school, without cutting someone off, flouncing, taking umbrage 🙈

With respect I'll add you to that list.I'd be grateful if you did likewise
Happy Days
Chill, Frill 🕊️.