Just wanted to do jobs

There does seem to be a great deal of assumption by your DD that you’ll mind the children and dogs as and when SHE chooses. She has little to no regard for your personal life and let’s face it, you do not need family permission to pursue your own hobbies and interests.
In your position I would back off, stop contacting her and get on with the things you yearn to do…….she will need you before too long! Be unavailable for a while and this will remind her just how valuable you are to her.

This story or versions of it are depressingly common.

The only solution is to get out from under and assert a right to your own life and doing things you want to do.

Grandparental childcare, should be a voluntary act, done when it is convenient to you, or in cases of dire emergency (like sudden hospital admissions) and at no other time.

I see that you posted this morning replying to a thread you started in February.
I’m assuming nothing has changed?

I totally agree with Asrirchintime and M0nica and suggest you follow their good advice.

Good luck and take care of you .

oops sorry Astitchintime

I thought I recognised the situation petra.
Seems nothing has changed.

I think some people are looking for solutions to problems that do not require them to take any action. They are in a hole, have a spade, but want someone else wield it and magically transport them to a sorted situation.

I think these people are people who have always found it easier to give way to everyones demands on them than stand up for themselves and even when they reach breaking point they break rather than take action.

How true, MOnica

Let's say we tolerate each other. When we have family get togethers I'm on the periphery.

Thank you everyone. I think I know what's required. I was just interested in your views. I'm going to keep in touch but just limit the time I spend with them. I'm going to leave when someone is rude to me. I really don't want to break of all contact even though that's what my gut says. 😂

Agree with a stitchintime

Oh yes, sadly, I recognise this. Not for pet or childcare these days but a complete disinterest in anything that I say to the point she talks over me, or just leaves the room. I’m the quiet one in the family. Maybe I should just accept she doesn’t actually like me, her dad though a completely different matter. Sad isn’t it.

So sorry 67notout.
Yes, it is sad but we can still get out and enjoy ourselves. which is my plan

Could you invite this daughter out for lunch just you and her and just chat generally to rekindle your relationship?

To be honest, sparkynan, I don't think that's a great idea as it would send alarm bells out and probably instigate an "I'm busy" response!

My daughter thinks that when I babysit her children she's giving me time with them and that I actually enjoy it, but realistically I'm just sitting on her sofa watching TV on my own for most of the evening.
I sometimes babysit during the day, when her 10 year old daughter answers back all the time and is absolutely no pleasure to be with, but I do like to give my daughter a break from time to time.
Maybe your daughter thinks that she's doing you a favour because you enjoy spending time with your grandchildren Aquariusb? I must admit that what annoys me most is when she gets home three hours later than expected.

I love your post.

Could you say to your daughter that you have other plans or indeed say that you are very tired and need to rest? She sounds very entitled. I often wonder what will happen to these young people who think their parents are unpaid servants when they can't serve them anymore. You will need to firmly set your boundaries and be unavailable using whatever excuse you think more appropriate and just keep repeating it. Don't be guilt tripped in not being invited or not seeing the kids. That is a shocking way to treat your parent who cared for you when you were small.

No need to break all contact but just get on with your life, doing what makes you happy…and as others say, be less available. Only babysit if it suits you and if it’s copable. Try not to dwell on family dynamics. I understand it’s difficult and I’ve been there….but you have this one life….theres no need to focus so much on children, adult or otherwise now. Make your life about you.

Who on earth classes playing with their grandchildren a job

Anyway it’s about you making sure that you only give what you can comfortably give snd not being a doormat for everyone to wipe their feet on Learn to be able to pleasantly say no sometimes, be less available but in a nice way
‘So sorry I d love to be able to help but it’ll clash with my drawing group’ instead of ‘well I’m not doing it as you take advantage of me ‘

That's the whole point. I love playing with my grandchildren and that's what I want to do. It's the work of don't want to do. The dropping off and picking up from school etc. but also not being able to join in with family celebrations because I'm looking after the children. I think others should help too so I can enjoy the party a bit.

Anyway, I've made my decision. I'm not excluded. I'm still invited. I'm not going to do the work. I'm going to enjoy my family. By doing this I realise that I am the only one who does help with the children. There are other capable people who could all take a turn.

Good luck and great attitude x

Who on earth classes playing with their grandchildren a job

It is when you are expected to do it so that other members of the family can enjoy themselves in the rest of the house/garden with you hived off with the children and no contact with the rest of the family.

But this happens because the person imposed on allows it to happen. If they said no, and had always done that, these situations would not arise.