Problem siblings at my age

I do sympathise, having had a similar experience with an elderly aunt. I supported my cousin in caring for her at home and arranging support and then finding a suitable care home when that was no longer enough.

Twice a year her eldest daughter, who was a GI bride and had been away for over 40 years would come over from America, criticise all we were doing and, as you say, issue a list of everything she thought we should be doing. And then, of course, return to her family in the USA🙄

And, yes, she did ask for money for her expenses. Fortunately the other daughter had Power of Attorney and was able to deny any instructions or requests. I hope you have that too or are matters still in your fathers hands? If so, it’s hard to see what you can do, other than what you are already doing.

Your brother I would just ignore from now on. It would have to be the ultimate emergency I think before I got in touch. Things are hard enough to deal with, without his interference.

The exhaustion I don’t have an answer for I’m afraid💐

I’m not surprised you’re hurt by his attitude, which stinks and is very grabby . It makes me think , did your parents pay for his expenses before ?
I’m in your position OP , I’m my mums carer and do everything for her and deal with her home admin . My siblings aren’t local and don’t visit often . My sister who’s quite bossy often voices things that I’m fully aware of . I just reply no shit Sherlock. And she backs down .
I’d ignore your brother for the moment . He’s not worth your headspace . Save your mental energy for yourself and your parents .
I know nothing about the French care system, however do your parents have friends in France who could help arrange help or advice? .

Thank you. So much appreciate your feedback. I feel less alone in the world.

Really appreciate the time you have given. Thank you. Pearls of wisdom.

I was in this situation with my brother. I saw Dad almost every day. Brother appeared occasionally but instead of taking the load off me he came up with ideas which created more work for me. He spoke to Dad on the phone and I was often met by ""P thinks I should do such and such" and then expecting me to put it into action. This included convincing Dad he needed hearing aids (at the age of 95). I knew he wouldn't wear them but had to go through the whole business of getting him fitted for some - he wore them once.
Suffice it to say I haven't seen my brother since Dad's funeral (7 years ago) - my choice

I feel that this will be repeated with me! Thank you