It is manners to thank someone for a gift - yes?

Was her car not insured? Why did you need to give her your car?

I think the comments from and controlling/coercive behaviour attributed to your husband are the issues on your mind really, not your daughters lack of a thankyou

I give because i want to, then let it go, I cannot worry about events years ago, its finished, but learnt from it. One child I helped more and he has made a success of his life, the other i don't see. If i had my time back I would do things differently but I cannot, I can’t change whats past.

Sallywally I think you are perhaps going through a difficult time and everything is coming to the surface
You know the answer to this
After reading your other thread you obviously have things going on in family dynamics at the moment I wouldn’t add any more long ago stuff to the list
This happened years ago why bring it up now, is it all part of past resentments?
Let it go

Your daughter was not in a 'good place' when you gave her the car. About to give birth. Her mind was focused on the baby. She should have thanked you, yes
Hope you get on well with her now.
Hope that talking about it here is helping.

Perhaps now is your time to think about what you would like to do or be. I can understand your feelings about not being thanked, but it is in the past and I think you will only make yourself either sad or angry thinking about it. So perhaps when those thoughts come , you could use them to think of better times in the future. So you could start small, by deciding that one morning or afternoon is going to be for something you enjoy doing. It could be meeting a friend for coffee away from your husbands influence. Perhaps better still, you can think of something you have always wanted to do and look to see if there is a class at a college or centre near you and book into it. Or you could decide to go swimming or out for a trip once a week. Whatever you find interesting, the idea is to make a routine that contains something that is particularly for you. With luck you will meet other people who are interested in the subject and can begin to fill your life with some more positive times. Go on, have a look today. Let us know what you decide to do

What a kind, thoughtful response madeleine45. Try not to brood on the past, what's done is done and life is so very short x

This is an issue that pops up in conversations all the time.

When I give a gift it is the giving that counts- not the need to be thanked.

It isn't something I have ever dwelled on very much. Sometimes I thank people, sometimes I forget and vice versa.

For me it isn't something I obsess about in the slightest.

I think the clue is in the first sentence Some years ago
It’s gone, it’s over with, if you are festering about something that happened years ago, it’s you that has a problem, and I think from this and your other posts Sallywally you should get some counselling or some help of some kind to untangle what’s going on in your own head.

Of course people should say thank you for a gift.

But why are you allowing yourself to dwell ( or even just remember) something from years ago.

All of us only have today in which to enjoy life. We can’t change the past,, we can’t control the future.

Just make the most of today, I beg you.

Yes you are right to expect a thank you.
You have to stop allowing your husband to play with your head.

OldFrill

Yes you are right to expect a thank you.
You have to stop allowing your husband to play with your head.

Agree 100%.
Find your voice OP .

Sallywally, you can take it for granted that your daughter appreciates and loves you. You are a good person.

Why does it cost £10 to say thank you?

So some years ago you gave your daughter a car for which she never thanked you.
I’m with your husband, difficult to understand

theworriedwell

Why does it cost £10 to say thank you?

Please let us know about £10.00 don’t understand

BlueBelle

I think the clue is in the first sentence Some years ago
It’s gone, it’s over with, if you are festering about something that happened years ago, it’s you that has a problem, and I think from this and your other posts Sallywally you should get some counselling or some help of some kind to untangle what’s going on in your own head.

Wise advice, Bluebelle.

Nothing wrong with getting a bit of help Sallywally1 to break this churning up of old issues and your feelings that there is coercive control going on.

A feature of coercive control is called "gaslighting", that is, someone questioning your own reality for a long period of time, ie telling you often in subtle ways what you are saying is wrong, weird, out of order

till you lose a sense of direction and the ability to make good choices where you can thrive.
Some of us need help to get that "will to thrive/self worth to thrive so do reach out.

Not saying thank you for the gift of a car is IMO an extreme case of lack of gratitude/ manners/ both!
Many years ago we gave student dd a car, and would have been astonished if she hadn’t bothered to thank us! It wasn’t a new one by any means, and had quite a few miles on the clock, but she was delighted!

Yes your daughter should have thanked you as you did a good deed- and apart from being your daughter thats basic good manners. She had a lot on her mind with the imminent birth of her new baby so giving her a big benefit of doubt, at best it was remiss of her.

However why has your historical upset about this matter raised its head now, some years later? You describe your husband as quite controlling and coercive and maybe that is the key reason, displaced, that is causing you hurt.

I agree with others, that its time to reflect and identify your own needs and what makes you happy and content, outside of your relationship with your husband, and daughter, if your relationship with her is still difficult. Life is short- find you own small pleasures and look to find pockets of happiness for yourself, so the behaviours of your husband and possibly your daughter, do not have the power to upset you as much..

.