Wedding Anniversary

If you asked for replies by a certain date and that date has come and gone you have three options, remind them firmly that you need an immediate answer or forget the whole thing or arrange the renewal of vows and then a meal for those who are attending in your favourite restaurant.

I agree with pp. I read hold the date cards as for information only and that an invitation will follow but I see that you asked for replies by a certain date. If this is far into the future lots of people will think ‘what’s the hurry’ and not consider the amount of planning you have to do. I also think that renewal of vows, if you feel the need to do this, is more personal than a wedding and people are less likely to want to spend money on accommodation and presents.

I would reconsider having a large party in view of the lack of responses as you may be let down on the day. Our anniversary party last year, one family turned up, ate and left immediately. No travel issues. My nephew turned up late and told me they were leaving early because his 10 year old son was going to watch the football at his friend’s house! Other people then felt they had to leave. So a party that started at 1 o’clock was over by 4. We had been so looking forward to it but felt quite deflated and were left with a lot of food and drinks.

OP says it was a ‘pre invitation’ card, which I assume is a ‘hold the date’ one, but if she asked for responses about whether they would be coming, then yes, only courteous to answer.

I wonder how long the couple have been married, and who the invites are for? Family, friends, work colleagues….?

Personally, I never want any fuss, and would rather do something with just DH and me. If we decided to renew our vows, (not), then you don’t need an audience for that either.

Allira

Was it a 'hold the date' type of invitation?

We've had a couple of those for weddings, didn't respond because it was not RSVP. We assumed proper invitations would be sent about six weeks before the weddings. In the event, they never took place because of lockdowns.

I agree, if it was a hold the date card I didn’t think you had to reply.
I have had a number of these and have only responded if I definitely knew I couldn’t attend otherwise I have waited for the official invitation.
Certainly with my daughters wedding most people didnt reply to the hold the date card!

I don’t think you were naive at all OP! It was a very nice thought and, after all, we don’t know why you had a small wedding. But if you don’t hear soon I would cancel and take yourselves off on a lovely holiday!

Very bad manners not to reply and I agree with those who do who do not see the need to renew vows. However, you say most people you have invited don’t live near and so there would be travel, hotels and (presumably) gifts involved. Perhaps that is a bit too much to expect these days. Also, if these people are not close friends maybe they were just a bit confused as to why you were inviting them when they weren’t invited to the wedding.
I hope you have a good day whatever happens with your guests. Perhaps a more intimate event would be more in keeping with the original.

Was it a 'hold the date' type of invitation?

We've had a couple of those for weddings, didn't respond because it was not RSVP. We assumed proper invitations would be sent about six weeks before the weddings. In the event, they never took place because of lockdowns.

Oh dear that is rude and very upsetting for you Sarahr. Unfortunately people don't seem to respond to things especially e-mails which people don't look at for weeks on end. Drives me mad they wouldn't not open their snail mail would they? I have to say though you are brave to plan this event. We have just has our 47th and I couldn't bear the the thought of all that attention. Couldn't you have something smaller. Spend more of the money on yourselves?

Would seriously reconsider the whole thing if I were you. As someone else has said spend the money on a lovely holiday and renew your vows before you go with a few close friends or family. Will be like a second honeymoon.
And yes not replying is rude.
Wishing you all the best with this.
Xx

I hope you don’t mind Sarah, but I’m trying to get my head round these 35 people who didn’t respond at all and why that might be.

It seems totally out of proportion somehow. How did you send the invitations. Is it remotely possible that somehow a whole bunch of them have gone astray?

And are you not in touch with the people anyway so that you can say, “Are you coming to our party!”.

I just can’t understand so many not replying. It must be troubling for you💐

Sarahr. It was very thoughtless and inconsiderate of those whopping 35 who couldn't be bothered to reply.

If they wouldn't or couldn't attend, they should have at least sent just a quick message saying ''I/we're sorry, but I/we have other things that day''.

I was sent an invitation about 3 years ago for Vows, and would have been delighted and thankful to attend. The couple knew I was working up to 18 hours a day as a carer in a home for those with disabilities and might not be able to make it, but I sent them a text anyway, 2 weeks in advance, thanking them, but I'd be on shift that night/day.

They were kind enough to post me photos of their Vows, and they both looked absolutely gorgeous! They were in their 80s at the time, after being married 60-odd years!

I'm so sorry you had such a rough time with the inconsiderate ones, but I hope you both had a lovely ceremony, other than that. X

Yes it is very rude. However I’m another that wonders why people renew their vows. Have they been broken or do they wear out ?
Go on a lovely holiday or do something you have always wanted to do together. Have a great anniversary.

I think it's very rude of people to not reply to an invitation, but having said that, I really have never understood the renewing of vows. but I hope you and your husband have a lovely anniversary.

www.tui.co.uk/destinations/faq/cruises/onboard-your-marella-cruises-ship/whats-included-in-the-marella-cruises-celebration-of-vows

This will give you an idea of what you get on a ship Sarahr.

Obviously you book the cruise in the normal way and the renewal of vows is an extra.
You could ring the cruise company and discuss it with them.
I've quoted Marella as that's who we always cruise with 🙂

I wouldn't bother to pay for other people to stuff their faces. And I don't see the point in renewing vows, unless perhaps there's been some traumatic incident (like health issues). Spend the money on a nice holiday instead. Maybe a cruise.

Do vows wear out!
Yes!
Especially the obey bit which I have always ignored.

Sorry that people haven't replied, Sarahr
Forget all that, go on a lovely holiday or cruise instead and ask the captain to renew your vows.

I think it’s rude not have replied.

But I don’t understand why you want people at your renewal of vows that you didn’t have to your wedding.

To be honest, I don’t really understand this whole renewal of vows thing anyway. Do vows wear out!

I don’t think I’d go to one, especially if I had to pay quite a bit for travel, accommodation and presumably a present too.

It just doesn’t feel like a special occasion to me. Maybe that’s their thinking too?

People are very rude not to reply. It is a common courtesy. I think you will have to send them a reminder unfortunately. I hope you have a lovely anniversary with whoever attends.

No, but I think you were rather naive to invite them in the first place.

Would any of them have preferred to be at your wedding I wonder?