Neighbour problem

After my horrible neighbours parties 18 hrs non stop most weekends I put a speaker against my bedroom wall and played opera loudly and went out . Being young they probably slept drunkenly through it but it satisfied me . Another time , 9am Sunday morning I got my heavy old lawn mower out and would mow over gravel stones which grated really loudly , and sometimes I'd roll the mower over the large rockery stones . Oh the noise was awful , my other neighbours never said anything but they knew but sadly no one supported me as they were not as affected . Again the drunks probably slept through it but I got my revenge . Just to say when the parties started I had to put my tv speaker up to 60 and I could still hear the thumping and banging and screeching even through ear plugs .

Best wishes to you and I hope life gets better these people are not worth wasting your kind thoughts on

Living in a semi detached house next to a family with a different lifestyle and noise levels is challenging for sure and must be horrible on those occasions when their noisy parties go on till the early hours. If the late night parties are only occasional that wouldn't worry me too much- I'd just read or watch TV till I could sleep, maybe try some ear plugs or move to a bedroom the other side of the house and get up later the next morning. I might ask for notice ahead of any parties and go and stay with a friend or family member that night if it really bothered me. You mentioned the last dinner party was a few months ago so how often do they occur on average?

If you choose to move and downsize from a semi detached house to a smaller semi or apartment you may land with selfish, noisy neighbours sadly.

So it’s mainly noise from parties in the evening and the dog barking. You aren’t going to be able to stop this I’m afraid. It’s their lifestyle since before you moved in so they aren’t going to change and probably feel justified and that you are the ones in the wrong, which of course you aren’t. So you are diametrically opposed. Moving is one option. Otherwise it’s put up and shut up. You then have to find ways of limiting their effect as others have suggested. It is a horrible situation to be in.

We once lived in a semi where the next door son got up at 10 in the morning then proceeded to play music so loud the shelves in our house shook. The silence when he went out was blissful.It was no better at weekends. Mum was profoundly deaf so totally unaware and complaints were useless. It was so lovely when we moved to a detached house with no noise, but we were looking to move anyway.

We’ve had words, with our neighbours, about OUR dogs barking.

However, we do our best to keep them quiet.

We still say “morning” and we still take each others parcels in and occasionally exchange pleasantries. We are mid terrace so very close neighbours.

We rub along.

Your neighbours do sound very selfish.

If you want to stay there try noise cancelling headphones. My DS has noise problems from neighbours but he uses the headphones and keeps things pleasant between him and his neighbour.

Nothing to add to what others have said.

Agree with your DH, you shouldn’t have to move, but I feel for you, noisy neighbours and barking dogs are awful.

It’s all very unpleasant can you move to a bedroom not on their side and when downstairs put your tv volume up, not in a nasty way, but to drown out some of their noise. I think maybe ear plugs at bedtime is an idea (and maybe some nice loud music when they are having a lie in after the party 🤣)
Dogs barking is the pits it really is

petra

Astitchintime

Taking the parcel issue out of the equation these neighbours do sound extremely ‘anti social’ in their socialising habits and to be honest that would annoy me too.
Dogs constantly barking, particularly during the night isn’t acceptable nor is noise from a neighbours party regardless of the fact that they’re ’only enjoying their evening’.
I would be making notes of dates, timings and incidents that involve excessive noise and reporting them. As for parcel deliveries, get another neighbour to agree to be a nominated drop-off for when you’re not at home or alternatively get a storage box for the courier to leave parcel in. Better still, have parcels delivered to a local pick-up point.

It sounds as if moving is a possibility.
Please be aware that if you report your neighbours you must by law declare this when you go to sell.

Yes petra, I am well aware of this.

Some really helpful replies here, thank you all

I’m sure they do think that we’re being spoilsports, we’ve spoken to them before about the dog issue as they sometimes leave it outside very late at night. This is just shrugged off with a casual ‘we must have fallen asleep watching TV’

Husband and I both have jobs whereas they have taken early retirement so our daily lives are very different. We are also very quiet and do very little socialising, unlike them. We have never been invited round in the 7 years we’ve lived here and would feel uncomfortable inviting them round - in fact, now that they’ve shown how petty and spiteful they can be, I’m sure it’s not a good idea to even try, nor do I want to!

I’m sure that not taking the parcel in was to avoid having to bring it round. We always nominate a safe place to leave deliveries so this was an exception and has revealed their true feelings about us, which is what has upset me I think.

When we first moved in (they were already living here), we would put out bins, take in parcels etc for each other but this tailed off after the first time we spoke to them about the dog, so things haven’t been good for some years. When they go away. they never tell us in advance and they ask friends to come round to put the bins out, so if they ever need us in an emergency, or we need them, I’m not sure how that would play out!

Financially it wouldn’t make sense to move right now and OH feels that we shouldn’t be forced to by this situation. His view is to continue being polite when we see them and otherwise ignore them and to be honest I can’t think of any other solution other than moving house.
I also realise that we might find ourselves in a similar situation if we do move. Our plan has always been to downsize eventually in a few years time.

We do enjoy listening to music but I generally avoid putting it on first thing, as I’m worried that disturbing them this way may escalate things further, or at the very least give them something to complain to us about or use to justify their own actions.

Our houses are semi-detached so we’re the ones most affected by any noise but I know others around us have complained about the dog issue in the past. When their parties are indoors, (which they usually are), we are the only ones affected.

Writing this all down and reading your responses has been really useful. I think we probably just need to try to get on with our own lives without worrying too much about them and in the meantime try to enjoy the positives about where we live, we love the house and area so there are some positives!

Thank you all

Oh I feel for you having suffered for 4 years parties and constant barking dogs and much more . Mid terrace house . Letters and speaking to them ignored . I had to leave the house on a Friday/ Saturday night and sleep on a friends sofa some times during warm summer nights . Thank goodness these awful people moved house ( I felt so sorry for their new neighbours ) I hope things improve for you and they move on . You sound a kind sensitive lady and obviously it's awful for you . I hope things become easier for you for I completely understand.

Astitchintime

Taking the parcel issue out of the equation these neighbours do sound extremely ‘anti social’ in their socialising habits and to be honest that would annoy me too.
Dogs constantly barking, particularly during the night isn’t acceptable nor is noise from a neighbours party regardless of the fact that they’re ’only enjoying their evening’.
I would be making notes of dates, timings and incidents that involve excessive noise and reporting them. As for parcel deliveries, get another neighbour to agree to be a nominated drop-off for when you’re not at home or alternatively get a storage box for the courier to leave parcel in. Better still, have parcels delivered to a local pick-up point.

It sounds as if moving is a possibility.
Please be aware that if you report your neighbours you must by law declare this when you go to sell.

Taking the parcel issue out of the equation these neighbours do sound extremely ‘anti social’ in their socialising habits and to be honest that would annoy me too.
Dogs constantly barking, particularly during the night isn’t acceptable nor is noise from a neighbours party regardless of the fact that they’re ’only enjoying their evening’.
I would be making notes of dates, timings and incidents that involve excessive noise and reporting them. As for parcel deliveries, get another neighbour to agree to be a nominated drop-off for when you’re not at home or alternatively get a storage box for the courier to leave parcel in. Better still, have parcels delivered to a local pick-up point.

I can sympathise with you , it is always difficult when there are problems but it makes it so much worse if you are unable to sleep well, and that in itself is tiring and depressing and you tend to lie there thinking of all the problems and it all mounts up. I have moved 19 times both here and abroad and so have experienced all sorts of neighbours good and bad, so my suggestion for you is one that I often recommend to people in difficult situations.

If you take two pieces of paper and on one write all the things that you like and enjoy about living where you do, and on the other all the things that you dont like . But do it like the old game of consequences. Each time you think of another point write it down on the appropriate sheet and then fold the paper over so that you can not see that reason. Then add more as and when you think of them and again fold them over each time. I would suggest that both you and your husband do your own lists. Let this carry on for a few weeks and then on a quiet day, when you are feeling comfortable , settle down with a coffee and open up your sheets.

You are not trying to make a list but rather look and see the groups that go together, so you would put loud parties and lack of sleep together etc, and on the plus side you may have got your garden to a lovely state that pleases and calms you down. When you have done your own list then look at each others lists. You may be surprised. Whilst you will probably both have very similar points there may be one or two things that you had not considered and it also allows you to see simply what the overall effect the situation is having on you.

From there you might then consider again pros and cons of moving. Do you have many friends and belong to various clubs etc ., and if you moved would you want to remain in the same area or make a total break etc. The thing is that it is unlikely that you can do very much about what they do, but you can make your own plans as to how you will carry on yourselves. Apart from the actual financial concerns on the plus side, you might decide that as you are going to move you would choose a smaller garden or a bungalow or be nearer family or the sea or whatever, which would be a more positive way to think about it rather than they have made you leave. However there is the fact that wherever you go and whoever your neighbours are , peoples lives change and in a few weeks you could end up with totally different neighbours, or the lovely open view you have then be bought for housing and have them building there for a long time etc.

So I think that if you did something on these lines, you would at least then have a clear idea of what things matter to you each, and then you can see what the most important things count and see what you can do to alter matters. You dont mention your ages or if you are retired or anything, so these are other things that might need considering. If you find that you really prefer to stay where you are, you might think it is worthwhile to look into things like changing a window for triple glazing or very good double glazing with a wide gap between the two sheets of glass. This would cut the noise level down. I used to go to Sweden and their good double and triple glazing saved on the cost of electricity, and definitely cut down noise levels. In the meantime as short term ideas, have you found ear plugs helpful? Another possibility is to have headphones with sounds of the sea or bird song , which can be calming and help you to relax a little.

I do not think that "tit for tat" attitudes help but at the same time you are entitled to live your life in your own way too. So if you are an early riser and want to put your radio on at a normal level you should. Out of consideration for my neighbours - I live in a flat - I dont put my radio on at 5am etc when I wake up early and think that about 7.30 or 8am is reasonable and I can here that they are up and moving about. However in your circumstances I would just put the radio on at a normal level, as you are then living your life your way as they live theirs. If they didnt go to bed before 1am that is not your worry. I dont advise you to deliberately do things to annoy them but rather think less about them and more about what you can enjoy in your own life. Do you know much about these new neighbours? If they are still working is it likely that they might move on in a year or two or does it sound as though they are here to stay? One last thing. If you have family or a very close friend or two perhaps they could visit you and hear what it is like . If it has previously been very quiet there and you have got used to that , it may be that your neighbours are not really doing anything unusual or particulary loud or bad , rather that you have got used to the way it was previously, and might be more sensitive to sound now. I hope these ideas might be of some use and at the very least you and your husband will be able to see written down the pros and cons of living there. We dont tend to talk about such things normally, just accept how things are. Wishing you well and hope you find some solutions for yourselves.

It must be so horrible to be in this situation You are at two different stages in life, you want peace and quiet and they want entertainment and fun.
The two aren’t going to ever equate.
The parcel business is just plain spiteful and isn’t a good omen for their care of you, their neighbours.
The dog barking is another thing altogether there is nothing more annoying that hearing constant barking.
Would a nicely worded letter be better than stomping round ?
(I d feel tempted to put some loud music on when they are having a lie in after a party but that’s being childish I suppose)
How often are these parties ? Are they weekly / monthly ?
Are you detached or joined on ?
Do the neighbours the other side have problems is it worth a chat with them ?
You do have my sympathy I ve never had a problem but my mum and dad did, they were in a downstairs flat and a man above had a barking dog and he used to bounce its ball regularly in the night on his floor (their bedroom ceiling) and have his dog running around after it He damaged the garden which my dad looked after, and was generally anti social and nasty, my mum nearly had a breakdown and after enduring it for a long time, they did move.
I hope you can find a middle ground and some peace

One person’s loud party and barking dog can be another person’s hell. When we finally crack and speak out it will inevitably lead to bad feeling on both sides as nobody likes being called out on their behaviour, however antisocial.

Your neighbour probably thinks you were being spoilsports to complain about the noise so is being petty in return. Perhaps they didn’t take the parcel so they didn’t have to bring it around or have you collect it - minimise contact.

It’s shame but it will probably subside in time. Something will happen where they need your help or agreement even if it’s only watering plants when they go on holiday or putting the bins out.

Have they ever invited you to join their parties? It could help you to be more accepting of their lifestyle. Similarly you could invite them for drinks or dinner to try to talk this over and put it to rest. Or offer to look after the dog, perhaps when they next have a party. It could be the over excitement of having guests that’s making it bark.

Generally the better people know one another the more tolerant they are of mismatched styles of living. The longer any standoff continues the worse everyone will feel.

Meantime, Muffles earplugs from Boots are very good at shutting out noise.