Just so upset

Just read all your lovely messages, thank you!
I tried on so many things and this was the only thing i put on and felt "nice"
I never wear dresses or makeup so the whole thing is way out of my comfort zone .
I have got a hair and makeup apt tomorrow.
I have had a very serious back condition in the past, which has caused a lot of nerve damage and linited mobility. I have been trying to exercise and was feeling much stronger, then i injured my knee and now I'm in a worse position than previously!
When we first knew about the wedding, less than a year ago i said i would like to go to ask about weightloss injections, DH went mad and said absolutely not (he still says the same)
My gorgeous Grandchildren 6 and 3 I'm sure will be excited to see me in dress as they never do!
I will put my big knickers on (literally) and enjoy the day 🩷

I’m sorry you’ve been so upset Narnia, sometimes people don’t think how much they can hurt 😭 I’ve been there I know what it’s like. You can go to your doctor now have a check over and discuss having the new weight loss injection and diet programme. You don’t have to let anyone put you down or hurt you, I’m sure you will look lovely at the wedding smile and put the hurt behind you and think just what you can do.
I wish you all a very happy day and many congratulations to your daughter and new son in law 💖🌷

Are you happy with the outfit? have you got time for a rethink/ appointment with a personal shopper?

I think something like a shirt waister style can be brilliant with fashionable shoes and bags ( non frumpy! and no matchy!)

I had to choose something fairly recently and I was pleased with a dress from Whistles and a pashmina. I wore nice sandals not frumpy and fascinator ish!! Looked ok I think.

What about a lovely long colourful scarf? A friend of mine, who was overweight, used to wear those, over dresses in a plain colour. It made such a difference. Have a wonderful time tomorrow!

Narnia, I feel for you, but..
tomorrow is a day of celebration for your DD and SIL. Go, with a happy heart and a cheery smile.
At all four weddings of my children, I weighed more than the " other mother". It was of no significance whatsoever.
It matters not, smile and be glad that you are taking part in this special event.
Have your hair done, put on some makeup ( if that's your thing) and worry about diets/ bungalows/ tactless husbands the day after.
I wish you and your family a lovely day

Hold your head up high! (Edit button please!)

My own DH, bless him, is the same weight at 70 as he was at 20.

I, on the other hand, have a different metabolism, I’ve had four children, three much later than most at 39, 42 and 44, and am very overweight, some 6 stone heavier than I was at 20.

He often comments, not very discreetly, about my health and wealth, he’s so right, but it shatters my confidence.

We eat the same foods, but I’m not great at portion control and he snacks on copious amounts of chocolate at night! GRRRR!

At 67 I have borderline under active thyroid, not enough to warrant medication and have a myriad of other conditions, which makes exercise very hard, even walking, none are caused by my obesity but certainly being overweight doesn’t help.

Pre-covid I attended a gym 5 nights a week after work, with a lovely (skinny) friend and acqua twice a week and was much lighter and fitter.

It’s so sad, I think people without “weight issues” think we fatties are lazy and greedy, seeing the amounts of comments which state”it’s easy, eat less, move more”, it’s not always that easy for some of us.

I’m not surprised Narnia that your confidence is rock bottom, but please go to your daughters wedding, wear your dress, hold your held up high and your love for her will shine through and you’ll enjoy the day.

I know this as one of our daughters got married 18 months ago and I dreaded it, I too never wear dresses or bother with make up, but I bit the bullet, found a dress and shoes I felt comfortable in and had a great day!

Go and be proud of your daughter and yourself

Btw, in my humble opinion, house moving and future proofing should happen whilst you’re still able to easily do so, it’s never too early to move to a bungalow!

There is a huge difference between someone saying you need to lose weight for health reasons and saying you need to lose it because you don't look good. Your husband presumably meant the former, which doesn't mean he doesn't think you look great. I was watching Missed Call recently and thought how lovely Joanna Scanlon looked. She is overweight, but has a pretty face and dresses well, and I'm sure many skinny Minnies wish they could look as attractive as she does.

I know it hurts though. I used to be slim, but have gained weight because of health reasons, and have realised how often people make thoughtless (or sometimes cruel) comments. The catchphrase 'obesity crisis' has a lot to answer for, too.

I agree with the others - try to put it out of your mind, and see it as a comment about how you both need to sort your health out. And most of all, enjoy the wedding

Narnia-
I'm afraid that many husbands don't think before unfortunate comments come out of their mouths .
One of my friends was told that she has a drink problem by her alcoholic husband.
And another that it was obvious that she was having an affair by her unfaithful husband .

Try the dress on again and ask your friends what they think.
If needs be get sone shape wear if you have time.

I went to a wedding last year and I went into a complete panic about my outfit .
I went shopping and procrastinated endlessly.
I spent a lot of money on shoes as well .

I looked at the other female guests .
Very few of them were as dressed up as I was .
The dress is screwed up on the wardrobe floor. I'm not sure that I like it. I haven't worn the shoes .
I now laugh at my panic .
How silly of me!

Stop worrying about it and enjoy the wedding.

It all sounds a stressful time.

Please try and put it all behind you tomorrow and throw yourself into enjoying the wedding day. You will look wonderful if you smile and fill your DD's day with love. Forget what you look like and rejoice in your DD finding a good partner and committing herself to him publicly with those she loves around her.

She is not inviting you because you are slim, but because she loves you and wants your support on her special day.

Losing weight can be a soul-destroying enterprise for everyone and can make people very sensitive and inclined to interpret any comments about it super-negatively when this might not be how they were meant - there can simply be concern for your well-being. Your OH has said it came out wrong (and maybe you interpreted it a bit wrong too).

You have no reason at all to dread tomorrow and every reason to be happy for your DD on this super day. She does not want you there being miserable!!

You have some challenges but do not focus these on this important day.

Enjoy the day and save future planning on slimming/moving/future moves for later. This is going to be your day off from all those concerns!

I am sure it will be a joyful occasion.

Enjoy the wedding all eyes will be on the bride not you.

Be the happy proud Mother of the bride in your new dress, could you apply a bit of make up or get a friend to help you?
This will give you a boost.

Set yourself a target to get fit and slim for their first anniversary.

Or, he may be very conscious of the health risks and really love you and be afraid for you both.
...especially if you have been talking bungalows!

I am overweight and "big" occasions always present problems of what to wear - but you will only be with people you know well and who love and care for you. Just be yourself and all will be fine.
Have a lovely day.

This is really about a marriage. I do hope your daughter had a long and happy one.

My DD hated what I wore to her wedding which made me feel so terrible, I gave the whole outfit to charity immediately afterwards despite it costing a bomb and having had a personal shopper help me choose.
Not many of us can safely say we feel great about the way we look and if your DD is happy on her special day that's really all that matters.

Let's all lose a stone over the summer?
Forget what DH said. It's probably his sore back talking 😂

Despite needing to lose weight you will not be a "fat horrible mess". You will enjoy seeing your daughter married to a nice husband . To show your dear daughter and her husband that you are happy for them is all that anyone will require of you.

As for the disruption to your house you have my sympathy!It will all be finished one day .

As for your husband please take care of him.

Do you have a good relationship with your daughter and the children? You don't mention anything unpleasant so I hope that is the case. They will be happy you are there in your new clothes.

Weddings can be so stressy, they bring all sorts to the surface and being in pain makes people say silly things. Keep us updated! What colour is your outfit?

And remember 60 is still relatively young!

While I can see that you are terribly upset, please remember that the wedding is for yiur daughter and her partner. Put on a happy face abd talk to your husband properly after.

Sorry that you’re so upset at such a joyful and special time. Accept the apology and make a calm moment later to discuss your feelings with your DH. You say ‘he’ said you both need to get fitter, so that’s a good start to make a plan.
I’m sure your dress will be lovely, take your time with your hair and make up. Have you managed to fit in a manicure? Little things can certainly boost one’s confidence.
It looks like the sun is shining on most of the country tomorrow, please enjoy the special occasion and family time. Best wishes.

You both sound understandably stressed out. I would accept that things just got overheated. I am sure you are going to look good and enjoy the day.
Once things have settled down a bit why not concentrate a bit on yourself, a little make up and the necklace idea.
Enjoy tomorrow

If you have time today, as I appreciate the wedding is tomorrow, maybe buy yourself a pretty necklace or earrings. The theory is that people will then look at your jewelry and not what you’re wearing. Although I’m sure you’ll look fine.
Your husband has apologised, which is good. After the wedding and once your house alterations are more settled, perhaps you could agree to lose weight / get fitter together. Start with going for a walk each day. Good to start now - you are still relatively young.
Please enjoy the wedding!

Enjoy the wedding sounds like he is stressed as well. I honestly don't think he meant it the way it sounded and he said as much.

Enjoy the wedding, stop worrying and watch your lovely daughter get married.

It’s so demoralising, isn’t it? My husband (ex) has said many upsetting personal things, I was only 49. It destroyed my confidence, despite the fact I was considered quite pretty at that time.
As a result, I never remarried and never felt good about myself.
I am not saying you should divorce him. But make him understand how his remarks are upsetting you.
Enjoy your daughter’s wedding and stand tall !

Your daughter's wedding sounds lovely. Not too formal and with family and close friends who will all know you and won't be judgemental about what you are wearing, especially as those who have seen your dress have said they like it.
Remarks about weight can be very wounding and it's difficult to 'unhear' what's been said. I have been overweight all my life so I know how you feel. Try to put it all to one side for Saturday and enjoy your daughter's special day. Everything else can wait.

Oh, Narnia, it sounds as though you snd your husband are both stressed out and, in those circumstances, it's easy for words to "come out wrong" in the heat of the moment. Believe me, I know! I have a mouth that runs away with me at times and I'm not proud of the times I've inadvertently hurt people I care about.
Your husband is likely feeling awful now. Please, accept his apology, give him a hug - but gently so you don't hurt his back.
Above all, don't let this incident spoil your daughter's special day or your joint pleasure in seeing her commiting to the partner she loves.
💐