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Don't know how to feel about being a grandparent.

(9 Posts)
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mscombobulated Sat 17-Oct-26 16:37:37

So my daughter is pregnant, she has been with her partner over 15 years. Never really spoke about babies, sort of unofficially said wasn't interested. Turns out that they thought they weren't able so dismissed it.

So I am pleased, of course I am pleased but I just don't know how to feel, what's expected etc. I suffer from long term anxiety so it has opened a whole new level of anxiety and what ifs. I could write for ages.

So my question really is what do I expect? my relationship with my daughter is not difficult but I wouldn't say we are close, she lives about 40 minutes drive so it makes popping in to help difficult, especially as DP and I work full-time demanding jobs.

I fully expect to help financially and have said I will buy the pram, I've started saving. More than happy to help, we aren't high earners but it's OK.

My parents were very involved with both of my children, I lived with them for a while with DD1 and was a young single parent, my DD pretty much spent most of her time at theirs, which was just around the corner and her two best friends lived next door. with my youngest it was just my mum as dad passed away when dd2 was born. I had a partner so mum was less involved for many reasons, her failing health mostly.

It's early days but there has been no "maternsl" rush of love, other than being happy for my DD. like I say, I don't know how to feel.

I want to help of course but I don't want to be controlling, which I can be due to long term anxiety issues. just really not sure what my role is.

we also have been toying with moving away for retirement,that may or may not happen now but it was always a maybe.

I feel like a bit of a cow and I'm hoping the feelings come. DPs response is that he likes children and is looking forward to taking them to the shop to buy sweets grin but that it won't change our lives.

mumsnet was my saviour when I had DD2, I didn't ever think I'd be posting on gransnet but here I am! Is it run by the same people, its been a hot minute. I remember things like nice ham, t-rexing in asda, sharrow and the wasp. It was THAT long ago

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mscombobulated Sat 17-Oct-26 17:03:30

probably should have posted in a different subject area

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BlueBelle Sat 17-Oct-26 17:11:18

I don't think you necessarily get a rush of love when you first hear, especially if it’s unexpected and never been much thought of.
You don’t have to know how to behave, just be happy for them and see how it goes it ll come quietly and unobtrusively if you keep an open mind
It might feel quite different when the little one first grabs your hand in their little fist
Take is easily and quietly and wait and see Don’t expect too much but allow yourself to feel what you want to feel when you want to feel it

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mscombobulated Sat 17-Oct-26 17:16:20

Thank you - wise words. It is early days so yes, taking it slowly. I've told a few people and they are mega excited and I am a bit, woooah, steady on.

I couldn't really speak I was so shocked - very happy for DD though.

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foxie48 Sat 17-Oct-26 17:17:23

My younger daughter has recently had her first child and I just said everything is different now and I'm very out of touch so I'm going to rely on you telling me what you would like me to do to help and I'll go by your rules. I'm retired but she lives an hour and half away so I said, if you'd like me to stay with you after you've had the baby, just to help in the house whilst you settle in, all you have to do is ask and I won't be at all offended if you don't want me to come. I also asked if there was something she wanted me to buy for the baby but she and her partner were very keen to buy secondhand as they like to live as "green" as they can. They have bought everything secondhand including baby clothes from vinted. They have not only saved many hundreds of pounds, they've also done their best to save the planet. I've just given them some money.

It's been an easy joyous time. I did stay for a few days when she brought the baby home and it was easy to make myself useful but also to keep out of the way to give her and her partner time together with the baby. I haven't changed a single nappy but I've become adept at knowing when to offer help and most importantly to keep my opinions to myself. I hope your experience is as good as mine has been. I'm not really that "baby minded" and wasn't yearning for her to have a baby but I'm really enjoying my grandchild especially as he's not always around so my life continues pretty much as it did before.

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Cossy Sat 17-Oct-26 17:21:13

Congratulations flowers Babies bring their love and you need time to get to know your lovely DGC when he/she arrives.

You sound like you’ll be great.

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fancythat Sat 17-Oct-26 17:21:44

I don't think you necessarily get a rush of love when you first hear, especially if it’s unexpected and never been much thought of.

One of my children is pregnant again.
Wonderful news.
But the baby so far, although a person, is still a blob.
Personally, I wont feel much more than happiness for the parents, until baby is born.
And even then, if dont see them for a while again, [they dont live near], not much will happen, feelings wise, until meet again. etc

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fancythat Sat 17-Oct-26 17:22:51

I meant to put in the word "agreed", between the quote and my reply.

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mscombobulated Sat 17-Oct-26 17:25:29

will definitely be pointing in the direction of vinted. my DD loves a charity shop and vintage stuff so yes that is a good plan,both financially and ecologically. I also plan on crafting blankets for the little one.

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