Grandparents and childcare

As you say, not a new topic, but with the election coming up I am wondering whether anyone will raise the topic of childcare as a legitimate, economic activity on which our society must expend time and money.

In some countries
- the taxpayer picks up the bill through subsidising nurseries/creches
- Women pick it with uncosted care/unvalued in financial terms
- Employers pick it up with flexible working/parent friendly solutions

Whatever way it is paid for - or not paid but still done by someone - raising our young is the single most important economic activity undertaken by humans - and that costs time, effort, planning - and usually that translates into cash and should be part of the political discussion as is energy production, manufacturing, even banking

So the question is not individually how we cover the costs of childcare - but how as a society we provide this most vital of economic activities. My question to politicians is - how are we building our single most important economic activity, the one activity on which all our long term plans can founder or grow - how are we developing it, strengthening it, creating a thriving and driving part of our economy.

As long as we regard childcare as private, as family, as individual (which of course it is as well) before we think of its economic importance to all society we will struggle to maintain its economic health.

I write as a retail buyer, volunteer, mother of 5 with 6 grandchildren, a foster carer, sports development worker, childcare development worker, mentor, primary teacher and childminder - now including grandchildren as a childminder. Yes, yes I have lived a long time and, as we all have, done lots!

I do agree that our children's expectations are very different from our own but that's probably what happens with each generation, particularly now, when marketing is more sophisticated and people are increasingly brainwashed into viewing many inessential things as "must haves".

I have always worked part time and we had to make our own arrangements as my mum wasn't willing to help. It was difficult, and so now we help with child care to make life a bit easier (and less expensive) for our son and his partner.

I do agree that grandparents should not feel obliged to provide child care if they really don't want to or don't feel up to it - and children should not expect it.

I do agree with some of what you say Eloethan but on the subject of house prices, yes prices have gone up [although I don't ever remember thinking houses were cheap.] However at the moment and for a number of years, interest rates have been so very low for mortgage holders.In the past myself and DH scraped to pay our mortgage. We all know that lifestyle and expectations have made our children's generation rather greedy at times with all the must have stuff.I look at what my children have [lovely homes and lovely furniture and decor and technology] and think how little we used to have at the same age.If there isn't a real reason to help bring up the grand-children, then I say let our children do it themselves, and we help out now and again as needed.Of course , if some want to do the day to day care, then that is very different, from feeling guilty if you don't.I also think that if the issue of having all the things they want [and I include the career in this] then they should think more carefully before they have children.

rosesarered House prices these days are relatively much higher than they were years ago so people tend to have much bigger mortgages and it's necessary for both parents to work. Rents are also very high. There is also the issue that if women have a significant amount of time away from the job market their career development is likely to be affected.

I'm still of the view that it's been many years since the standard working week was reduced (after all, once upon a time people only had a Sunday afternoon off) and I feel both men and women should be working shorter hours. In the long run I'm sure it would lead to a more harmonious society and fewer social problems. At the moment we have what seems to me to be a ridiculous situation where some people are working very long hours and others are working very few, or no, hours and none of these groups is happy with the situation.

To some extent I think the help that grandparents give can be taken for granted by the parents, and is most definitely taken for granted by the government and business. The cost of childcare in this country is ridiculously high and would be prohibitive to many lower earners. Grandparents who help out are actually providing a free service not only to parents but to the economy as a whole.

gettingonabit I totally agree with your post.I see my DGC frequently as they all live close, but don't get too involved in all the day to day stuff.
I think a lot of Grandparents are dashing about looking after young children when they are really not up to it, as we know, young children are exhausting.We have already done our share in bringing up our own children
[well, I certainly have!]There is a lot said about 'poor' Mothers, so how about they stay at home, but make do with very little money coming in [like I did.]Then they can stay with their own children that they chose to have.There could be a few cases where Grandparents just have to help out [single Mothers] but otherwise, they should cope themselves.That's what makes you an adult , coping by yourself. Most of us on here have done this, and most of us have not had much money either [or household goods] but we didn't expect our parents to bring up our own children.There is a huge difference between helping out now and then [in illness or babysitting]and virtually being the nanny.As for doing all that because your DD 'prefers' to go out to work.....!!!!!Why are we all as a Nation baby-ing our own grown up children? To all that say 'oh they can't pay the mortgage' well YES they can, because we all had to, and they will have to cut out all the frills to do so, but they can do it.If they can't, then why have children?

I have just started looking after my DGD 2 days a week which means I stay Sunday night to be there first thing in the morning and Monday night, returning home Tuesday evening. As my DH is usually away on business at least one night a week it fits into our lifestyle well. I take my laptop and catch up on work while DGD sleeps and don't to any housework or cooking so when she is awake I can just enjoy the time with her. I see it as a privilege to be part of my DS family

Good job, YaYaJen! Your grandchildren are absolutely gorgeous.

I get quite cross about the lack of recognition for grandparents who care for children so that parents can stay in work. I'm also dead jealous of those who had parents capable and willing to care for their little darlings.

I also feel that many grandparents are taken advantage of, and that expectations of them are way too high. I have a friend who retired early to help out with her grandkids, at the same time as her own parents became very frail and also needed a good deal of support. I feel she should be enjoying some freedom now. Many are in the same boat.

Thanks Gillybob,

Quite a bit about other Granetter's experiences and generosity was cut and where I say we get no recognition it should have included " from government for our economic input" otherwise I think they got some of the main points from the report over.

How brave of you to "face the cameras" YaYaJen . I agree with everything you said, we'll done. Your grandchildren are beautiful.

Piece was not shown yesterday as the terrible tornado in the Philippines continues to dominate the news, my heart goes out to those catastrophe stricken people.

BBC did publish some parts of the filming online - they were with us for over an hour - DD a little upset that they didn't use her piece to camera but the GS's were just fab, only one melt down by the 4yo but Jeremy Cooke and Justin the cameraman worked very thoughtfully around the boys.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24913575

BBC filmed us doing the school run yesterday plus a few comments to illustrate a report out today which shows that the number of grandparents has risen dramatically over the past few years and has often profound implications for our lives. Report here yayajen.blogspot.co.uk/ scheduled for main news 6pm tonight...eek

I seem to spend my life surrounded by children, but I love it!
Was left to bring up my 3 DSs when they were 5,7 and 9. Without my parents help I couldn't have done it, as I worked continually due to nothing from the ex.
Nowadays, it is my turn to help my GC, and others!

Still working hard, as an SEN TA, but means I get holidays with the DGC.

I have GS4 3 early mornings, Mon, Tues and Sat. Dad works in the day, and Mum does 3 night-shifts a week. Unfortunately DS has to leave an hour before DiL finishes, so I step into the breach. They have another due in Feb/March, and she plans to take minimal maternity leave, so this will carry on for some time no doubt.

Monday, Tues and Fri after school I do respite for one of our pupils, 2 hours at a time.

Thursday I have GS1 after school (he is a pupil where I work), and then spend some time with him and his siblings (GS2 and GD3) when I take him home.

On Wed pm and Sat am, I help a 7 yr old in the village with his English and Maths (he struggles greatly bless him)

In between all that, I collapse in front of the pooter/TV, or am babysitting somewhere (lad in the village and his brother last night, 3 eldest GC tonight)

Think that may be why I am still single...no time to meet anyone lol.

Wouldn't have it any other way though, they are the reason I get up in the morning

We have looked after our grandson, who will be one this month, since our daughter in law returned to work in September. This involves mainly late afternoon/evening 5 days a week as son and daughter in law have a language school and work mainly in the evenings. It is not the retirement we had planned but we do it because we love him and know how important positive family involvement is to child development. They are fortunate to be able to afford nursery fees but we don't believe in sending children to nursery before they are two if it can be avoided ( in many cases there is no alternative) but also, their hours are not compatible anyway. In some ways we fell trapped, but trapped by love so there are worse things in life!

I think it so important to have a social life , keeps one sane !!!

I enjoy mine !!

Meant to add that i do work p/t and have a busy social life too! Did not want to sound like I was tied to the kitchen sink /nappy bucket!

I have looked after my grandson's for a day a week, since they were about 6mths, to keep the childcare costs within budget for my DD1. My DD2 has been fortunate not to have to work until her kids were at nursery school. We also help out with drop off and pick ups from school/nursery and childminder for all four DGCs. I am happy to do this and if needed would do a bit more..not full time and my DDs would not expect it. Often offer to have all or some for the day to help DDs if they are busy & do some evening babysits so they can go out. I am just repeating what my mum did for me

Grandparents are the one who is taking care of their grandsons or daughters because their parents cant take care of them. One of the biggest expenditures that a they has to face is for child care. Child care costs are rampantly growing and in some areas, eclipse costs like rent or a house payment.

This government makes me so mad,shouting that mothers should return to work with never a thought for childcare costs. Why should a mum leave her children in a nursery and only be left with a few pounds in her hand at the end of the month. Childcare costs are so high and it's not the staff who are being paid good money but the people who own the nurseries.
I look after my granddaughter 2 days a week including overnight stays and the other grandma does two days too. I also looks after my friends son for two days. I love doing it but it doesn't leave much me time but they will be at school in no time as the years fly by and I will miss them.
If they want everyone to work until we drop dead who is going to provide the childcare of the future? And what time will we have left to spend with our grandchildren,we will be too exhausted.

Don't get me wrong - I absolutely love my GC I babysit, have them overnight, look after them if parents are sick etc. Have them for my own pleasure. I just love my freedom and time with my DH, especially now I realise just how precious life is after our recent traumatic years. In fact I have one little one staying this week and two little ones over weekend.

How I wish we were invited to help with child care! Although we did the school run, etc. for six months last year when my DIL was recovering from two major ops, we are never asked now to help out, despite constantly offering our services at any time. Granddaughter aged 5 used to come for the day until she began full-time school, but now our son rebuffs any attempts to bring her to our house, although she is very keen. We plan to tackle him and our DIL to ask if we have offended them in some way, as we find our constant exclusion very hurtful, especially as the grandchildren (aged from 2 to 10) are growing away all the time and we are missing out on this special time.
I envy all of you sharing in your grandchildren's lives in this way, although I can quite see it can be exhausting!

I had 3 children close together. Grandads died before they were born.
Grandmas in their 70s and over 200miles away.I had to cope with Mums dementia when children were 9,8 and 6.
I have only 2 GC one (12) lives 160 miles away and her other Gran lives nearby so I've had little chance to care for her.
GS (13) lives a mile away and for 11 yrs I often cared for him especially in early years when DIL went back to work.Now denied all contact for 2 yrs!
Many GNs are unable to help with childcare because of distance,disability or denied contact.
For those of you who do help with childcare I rejoice for you and wish you well.Make the most of it whilst you can.

I did feel I needed something else when my youngest was still a toddler, I worked at a drop-in for children with learning disabilities on a Saturday, then moved on to working at at hostel for adults with LD finally for 15 years worked at a day centre for adults with LD and challenging behaviour part time and at weekends with children with the same needs. I love the work but was so glad to retire.

Not selfish at all Flower...I too stayed at home to look after my two children but my DD is a different person from me and gets depressed if she's not doing something intellectual so she was always going to go back to work.
Not sure how I got involved really- I retired a bit early to support my daughter when her baby was born prematurely and was going up at least once a week to help her. At some point it was mooted in a non serious way that I could look after the baby when DD went back to work. Next thing you know I've said I'll do it without really thinking about the practicalities!
It's not easy but I am pretty fit and healthy and it won't be forever-plus I get to be a 2nd mother to my adorable GS-he knows me and trusts me since I've seen him every week since he was born.
Starting in the winter means things will only get easier as the summer arrives.
Good luck to all other Grans who are helping with child care!

as an add on I stayed at home to look after my 5 children and go a lot of pleasure out of them. I loved being a mum and never wanted or needed to work outside the home. I started working when my youngest started school and then because it was shift work in a home for adults with learning disabilities and on the days I could not be there for the children my DH was able to pick them up from school as his hours were quite flexible (or he made them flexible)