How to survive village life.

I have lived in several villages and loved them all, also in big towns and a couple of cities. We moved here from central Winchester, although I knew several neighbours in my road it was not at all the same and took far longer to get to know them. I had only one really good friend by the time I left after two years, I had half a dozen here after the same time, and that applies to all the villages I have lived in. (OH with itchy feet)

Last night at book club one of my friends said that it was the reason why it is almost impossible to buy a house in our village, no-one wants to leave it and there is a constant shuffle around. Our house was once 'swapped' along with three other houses, the four owners who wanted to move all got together for dinner one night and the family with four children in our house went to the largest, the older couple from the largest went to the house next door to us, the very elderly couple in that one went to one next door to their daughter that was tiny, inhabited by a young couple who were expecting their first and came to ours!

We usually rent in an area before we buy. It does mean that we have to move twice, but we have been able to do lots of research first. A village hall is usually a good sign, as is a school (we have one which means there are always families so that the village doesn't die off) a shop is even better, although we don't have one as such but the garage a couple of miles away has a very good shop and barbers.

jane that sounds lovely, I could live in a place like that, you are really lucky.

You are right about that would not happen in London for eg

Did you move there from a town and if so did you adjust ok?

Villages are manageable, size-wise and quantity of friends-wise. A typical example today - a good friend of mine's husband died of a massive stroke last Monday night, just after we had all got back from the WI. I went to see her this afternoon bearing more cake because of all the visitors she has had - and there were two ladies knocking at her door as I walked up the lane. She has been inundated with food, flowers, wine and callers, no chance to feel alone yet.

In a city that would be highly unlikely. That's if you could even find somewhere to park. Once you have got up the courage to join the supper club, the church, the village fete committee, the WI, the keep fit for the not very mobile, yoga and pilates ditto and Zumba if you can manage it, the Christmas choir and the book club you have a ready made support network all within walking distance of your house. Every few months we have something like a safari supper club for over a hundred people, we are having a St.Patrick's Night complete with irish band soon and a couple of hundred villagers will go to that. We all know which teens are likely to be troublesome. We knew exactly which teen was drawing graffiti on the bus shelter and school buildings because he can't spell. On my walk to my friend's house in the space of five minutes I had three conversations - in a quiet backwater of a road. It's really rather nice.

It's just made up for a newspaper or mag eliza and is meant to court the usual controversey I think. Most people don't even think about do's and don'ts when they move house.Although I have always made an effort with neighbours whenever we have moved house, it would have been nice if the neighbours already there had made an effort with ME.Especially on the day that you move in, the offer of a cup of tea [when you can't find the kettle]would be lovely. However, there are friendly and also unfriendly people wherever you move to, be it city, town or village.On the whole I prefer to live in a village.

You make moving to a Village sound like a massive chore

Why are there soooo many do's and dont's

And why can you not just do what ever you want.

After all NO ONE has paid for the property that you have bought

So why should these people have SO MUCH say over how you live.

I do not understand why it would be a bad thing to invite your new neighbours round for tea or diner??

Too many rules for me, I could not stick to any of them

Best thing about this village today is that "The Thieving B*****D" next door has put his house up for sale. Lets hope it sells quick ! Anyone want a cottage in North Yorkshire with lovely neighbours ?

It sounds absolutely idyllic, and I'm glad it worked out so well for you. I have a small town 5 minutes drive away or a bus every half hour, or a city 20 minutes away by either. We have only a church, a school and a village hall but so much goes on here, I have just received an invitation to go on a trip to the WW graves and monuments with any other villagers who care to go. I'm not sure I want to go as the timing could be awkward, but I'm sure many of the older villagers will jump at the chance.

I must say that I am now living in a village for the first time in my life, and am loving it!

We really are a tiny little place, 50-60 houses and couple of farms spread about in 2 sq miles, no pub or church, only 3 buses a day, and just the garage shop for essentials.

BUT, there is a larger village 20 mins walk away, with a couple of pubs and a convenience store, or 2 towns either side that are a 10 min drive away and have supermarkets/thriving town centres, so I reckon I have the best of both worlds!

I work in one of the towns, where I lived before, and 2 of my sons still live there. The other son is in another, larger village just 10 mins further down the road.

I have been here for 14 months now, and can't imagine ever going back to a town. My neighbours are all friendly, and we have a busy Social/Sports Club at the top of my lane, with many clubs/societies that use the hall there. Great for getting to know people, as is going for a walk, where you can meet many people jogging, riding or dog-walking.
But I must say the best bit for me is the sound of nature. I sit here with the windows open (not so much now obviously, but whenever I can) and listen to the birds, a tractor in a field, horses clip-clopping down the lane, and just RELAX.
The GC love it here too, the youngest one (3) being absolutely mesmerised when he heard an owl hooting in the woods behind me.......he was agape that 'it a real owl Granny, he whoo-hooing in your garden'.

Must admit though, when I first was offered the place (council down-size) I wasn't sure. Apart from not having lived alone since the age of 19, it did seem rather remote because of the lack of facilities. But I am SO glad I bit the bullet and took them up on it! Best decision I've made since chucking out the ex 23 years ago!

Yes, my son loved it too, although it was a 20 minute journey by car where we were concerned and I was more worried about the road than the scenery, the mornings when we have a hoar frost are just stunning. He loves his new uni life and the city, but on the couple of weekends he has been back he has really enjoyed the countryside and not even grumped about helping his father to cut the hedges. I just love the silence - not that it's all that quiet, but it's a calmer sort of noise. No police sirens or ambulance sirens. No boom boxes. No clubbers going home at 3=4am. No boy racers at night. On the times when we have lived in a city or town I have had to take sleeping tablets.

My third DD was the one who was brought up in the depths of the country where we are now - she adores it and wants us to look after her little one here on the day a week we have her, rather than go to her house, as she wants her to experience the beautiful surroundings and the friendliness of village life. All the girls miss this house and the views and come back lots - I have resigned myself to the fact that we are not the great attraction!

All of the girls are country born and are clear that this is one of the wonderful memories of childhood that they have to look back on.

Even the travel to school (an hour on two buses plus a fair bit of walking involved) did not make the fed up - the view across the hills whilst travelling on little bus to and from school (sunrise and sunset in the winter) is fabulous and they loved it.

Judthepud2, I agree. I love London for a visit but have moved often from city to village and back again, several times over the years. Much spreading, pig farms just up the hill - at least we no longer have the huge chicken farms near us, they were worse.

Deer in the garden are very common, rabbits, pheasants eating the berries off the aucubus, sparrowhawks - and once I was weeding the front garden when a cow leant on my shoulder and knocked me over. When I had managed to get it back down its lane, wielding a large stick, and back over the scrappy bit of wire netting that was the only thing keeping it in, I went to tell the farmer next door. He just looked at me, and said 'I don't do the cows, I do the pigs, ring my brother if you see another one that may come to harm.' There was no hint of any concern about anything the cow may have done to me or my garden! Later on I was at a drinks party and saw one galloping towards the main road. I checked with another woman to make sure it wasn't a pink elephant. She said it was a fairly common occurrence in our village. We are on the Suffolk/Norfolk border and the people are lovely. We think we will stay here. Past villages have all been lovely too, but we had to move for work.

Yes Tiggypiro. Smells are an essential feature of country life. We have fields next door to us and experience the aromas of muck spreading and cattle on a daily basis. I was brought up a 'towny' but you get used to it. The situation compensates for it all. And the sea air wafts the smells away.

Re: the London debate, my DS and DIL live in Clapham and we often visit them. I just love the buzz of London life and all the wonderful facilities - but I wouldn't want to live there all the time. It is very much a place for the young and thrusting!

tiggypiro Totally agree - for our first stay in the country when we had two school age children and I had returned to work. We only ever saw the countryside form the car as whizzed past on our way to and from work, to and from school, to and from swimming, music and gym classes. When our eldest was coming to secondary school age we moved back to a town centre so we could walk or bus everywhere.

Once the children grew up and we neared retirement, we moved back into the country and now it is very different, we do the walking, the gardening and the pubs. As our country is in the highly populated south east we have buses, a small supermarket and even a curry house and sandwich shop, which serve the big industrial estate about a mile away

The shotgun bit was said in jest. Mind you we have been near to buying one. My neighbours and family all agree it is just best to move on. Feel bad leaving some other family to the delight of our village life. We have two very good offers on our house. Back to the city for us. Cannot wait. Thank you for kind words.

I agree Grumps15. The TV programme 'Escape to the Country' always makes me smile. Everyone wants to go to the pub for Sunday lunch, have long walks in the country, grow their own veg etc etc. They never seem to realise that they won't have much time for the 'lifestyle' because the shopping takes longer as the nearest shop is miles away, the housework is still to do and the garden is probably bigger and they will spend longer commuting to work. Perhaps an over simplication but the sun does not always shine out here in the sticks and at times it is mucky and smelly and noisy. I do love it but other than at college I've never lived in a town but will move to a small one in the next few years.

Fox poo looks quite different from dog poo usually, sorry to bring subject up for those of a delicate constitution. Our dog just loves rolling in it!! We also get badger digging and poo leaving.
Our main problem at this time of year is the wild deer on the rut. They just have one thing on their minds and it's not their safety or other cars. I have had two cars badly damaged by deer landing on them.

And foxes would do it straight onto your garden, no need for it to have been lobbed in. Have you seen anyone doing any lobbing? (Or any dogs doing pooing?)

If it is foxes, it will have a powerful smell, even worse than the usual doggy-do.

Lilybet are you sure the poo is dog poo, it could be fox poo

Sadly, idyllic country villages and small towns are not immune from violence, and anti social behaviour. The Soham murders were committed in a town that couldn't have been better for raising a family. Good schools, sports facilities, a lively community - all set in beautiful country side. The village where I live is 10 mins drive from Soham and we had a reign of terror from a family who were eventually moved on but not until after the children's author Jean Adamson was viciously mugged and robbed on a peaceful Sunday morning.

I love village life and wouldn't like to live in a town but it's not all paradise!

Yes, not very nice at all Lilybet!

Have you any idea why?

The small village where I live has seen an increase in people coming in to purchase holiday homes. Some are fine and no trouble at all. While others will moan about everything that they consider negative, and that which spoils their chocolate box image of country life.

If those people are daft enough to leave the hood down on their convertible just as the local farmers are passing with trailers loaded with hay, or worse - a leaky muck spreader ........

The countryside is a large working factory, not a retreat!

"Chacun a son gout" it would seem. We have been very lucky with the rural community into which we moved 20 years' ago - welcoming and kind beyond measure.

It is interesting how people's tastes differ so markedly. I only really feel human and alive when surrounded by green - others feel secure in the environment with shops round the corner and lots of buildings.

Happily both are there; and when it comes down to it, people are people wherever they enjoy being, and the need to be good to your neighbours applies in every setting.

That is shocking Lilybet , how could anyone stoop so low ??

lilybet that's so sad. We had a similar, though not such an awful, experience. I felt totally bereft where we were living and, although I had some friends at work who were nice, we were otherwise friendless. It was such a relief when the removal van was packed and we were finally on our way.

We too lost money but although we had to take on a much bigger mortgage for a much smaller house, we were back where we felt happy and comfortable so we never regretted moving away, despite the financial loss.

I really hope you soon get a buyer and that things eventually sort themselves out for you.

Lilybet is the dog mess thing done to intimidate?

'A shotgun near to hand'

Oh, Lilybet how awful!

I am just so happy to be living somewhere that, for the first time in 48 years of marriage, we actually chose. Sea and countryside close by - lovely!