Galen one of my friends went to the Friary at Lichfield (not as a boarder though). She was my best friend at primary school and the family moved to Lichfield when she was 11.

DH went to boarding school at 8 - not from an 'elite' background at all, more the fact that he had lost his father and his mother did not want him brought up in an all-female household.
He hated it at first, got used to it later but never really liked it.

I was always desperate to go as some of my friends did, thinking it would be like St Clare's, but never got the opportunity.

Friends' DC went to boarding school in the 1980s onwards and absolutely loved it.

One of my friends went to Harrow and hated every minute of his time there - another of my friends loved every minute of her boarding school education and wept when she left. There is no one size fits all.

triciamcb1 that's so sad. I hope that wouldn't happen nowadays.

A member of my husband's family went to Eton. Aged 13, he was called into the headmaster's office to be told his mother had killed herself. When the nurse tried to comfort him, the head told her to leave him alone 'He has to learn to be a man'

Absolutely.

I think the danger here is not to project ones own experience or generalise or develop "syndromes". For some children boarding school is not the right schooling experience; for others it is the opportunity of a life time and relished. I agree that age is also a factor. A 13 year old going to school is very different from a 7 year old. The most important thing is that the child is invoved in their education choice, is happy and has good access and connection to the parents'; these days that does happen. If your child is unhappy in any schooling environment, then that needs attention and careful and thoughtful action.

Thanks to the Anthony Buckeridge "Jennings" books I positively looked forward to going to boarding school at the age of ten. Nor was I disappointed; I think my divorced working mother missed me more than I missed her.

I enjoyed boarding school right through to leaving at eighteen, although I could see that some boys did not. I observed the same mix when I taught at a boys' boarding grammar school. Come to think of it, there was a similar mixture of those who liked and disliked school at the CEG (French equivalent of a secondary modern) where I taught in the Paris suburbs - my last teaching job before opting for a very different career.

Duffell is right about preparing young men to run the Empire, but this is hardly news. I have somewhere my Dip. Ed. dissertation entitled "Arnold's Guardians", in which I examined the influence of Plato's theories on Arnold of Rugby's educational ideas. And it was old hat then (1967).

I always knew why I was at boarding school and knew it was not because my parents wanted me out of the house. First it was on medical advice then later because, as DF was in the army, it was the only way to get an education. I attended 9 primary schools and my parents didn't want me attending another 9 secondary schools.

My parents certainly made the decision about which school without consultation but when it was clear that neither DS or myself liked our school we were offered the opportunity to leave when DF was sent abroad yet again. It was DS and I who made the decision to stay where we were as we realised a move at that point would interfere with our O and A levels respectively.

I know my parents worried about us at school, missed us and every week without fail wrote separately to both of us. The one thing I never doubted through out my childhood, indeed throughout their lives was my parents love and devotion to their children.

But then if it's your parents that send you away to boarding school.....

I guess the end result is the same, it's your parents that fucked you up (or over, as the case may be). As Nick Dufell explained quite eloquently I think, when talking about the messages given to children who were sent away at a very young age, and without seeking their views.

I think Philip Larkin is probably nearer the truth than Nick Duffell.

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.”

We're all doomed!

I was sent to the friary Lichfied at age 11. There were 30 of us boarders and I think they were the worst 5years of my life. I hated it! It was a boarding grammar school for girls and VERY RELIGIOUS. Church at least once on Sunday's and only improving books allowed to be read while knitting squares for missions!
In the evening the headmistress used to come and give us RE lessons.
I left as the science teaching in the sixth form was non existent, and also they wanted me to take RE, history and English, try for a a scholarship for Oxford to read theology!!!Moi?

I have always (jokingly) expressed the opinion that all 13-16 year olds should be sent off to boarding school to give parents a break from the teenage moods and traumas. When they become civilised and more adult they would be allowed home. On a more serious note I don't like the idea of Boarding schools for young children BUT I think Nick Duffell assumes that all families provide a protective and supportive, caring place. There are some families where a boarding school provides a much more stable atmosphere.

I'm with janeainsworth. Every child is an individual and I should not like my grandchildren to have to attend an inner city comprehensive but then I am only judging by hearsay. I have no idea what they are like. I went to boarding school at 11. I loved it.

I'm another one who went to boarding school. I was 10 and it was right for me, I look back on it with happy memories but my best friend there hated it. Just depends on the person really

Everyone has their own experience, good, bad or indifferent - as in the rest of life, generalisations are never helpful!

My two sons boarded from the age of eleven and are now well-adjusted delightful young men. They are certainly not emotionally damaged. One is a devoted husband and father and the other has a good relationship with his girlfriend. They are both 'people' persons and have many very good friends. The friends they made at school have been important to them for 25 years. Private education was made possible because my husband was in the Royal Navy, plus my salary. We had concerns about the size of our local comprehensive and some of the things that were going on there. We took care in the choice of school, visiting the three within reasonable travelling distance and meeting all the headteachers, (which ruled out one of the schools). We involved DS1 in the decision and they both enjoyed their time there.

That was the documentary that I saw years ago, which had such an effect on me , probably compounded by the fact that my children would have still been quite young then and tucked up in bed asleep when I watched it.

Sounds like (with the odd exception) girls cope better with boarding than boys. Perhaps that's why there's no books called Malcolm at Mallory Towers or Colin at the Chalet School.

My DH was sent away to boarding school aged seven and it had a terrible effect on him which continues to today. He was born ten years after his youngest sibling and always felt he wasn't wanted. When at home he was mostly brought up by his sister. No one went when he graduated from university. He is fiercely loyal to me and close family members but finds it hard to make friends or to express empathy although I know he loves me dearly. I recognise what Nick says. Boarding school, although seen by some as privileged education is not all tuck shops, feasts in the dorm etc. it can be bullying, intimidation and a form of cruelty, although I hesitate to say it, akin to child abuse.

nightowl Yes George looked very young and very vulnerable. I think he was eight but he appeared to be a lot younger.

I wanted to thump those teachers.

I could never have parted with either of my DSs at thirteen or any other age up to the end of school. I was fine with DS2 going off to Uni, probably because that's what I had done myself. DS1 hung around a bit longer because he was training on the job.

Ok! Stop it! Please!

I think thirteen is a good age for boarding school - if that's what the child wants. Certainly no younger than eleven.

I think it was George's glasses that touched me the most Nellie (if I've got the right child), especially when he was washing his little face with them dangling off his ears. I just wanted to scoop him up. I wonder what they're all doing now?

Flipping heck! I have just watched that documentary.

It's the body language of the boys and those two parents that is so telling.

The boys were so clearly parroting what the have been told to think about the benefits of boarding.

The mum of George did not look convinced that it was a good idea at all. I wonder if she was being pressured by her husband to send the boy. As I have said before on here good day prep schools are readily available and I would think if the parents both work a Nanny would be cheaper than boarding school fees.

None of those boys were in a position other than to agree with the headmaster when he was going on about how soon they would settle down.