Inger Wallis, aged 53 and from London is married with two daughters, aged 27 and 22. Inger also has a grandson who is 1. She is a former manager of retail at the Royal Academy of Arts and was diagnosed with a haemorrhagic stroke in 2009 when she was 48. This left her with a condition called Aphasia which affects her reading, writing, talking and understanding, as well as her relationships.
Inger and her grandson.
At 48 I was a busy mum with a wonderful job and a solid relationship. But having a sudden stroke at 49 meant that I struggled with basic things like reading and talking. I no longer work full time and share the care of my delightful one year old grandson. Life has definitely got better since my stroke as it has made me a softer, more calm and appreciative person. Although I loved my job, it dominated my life. I now work only one day a week (still at the Royal Academy of Arts) and therefore have much more time for my family.
Like a lot of women I was the dynamic leader of the family. But for for the three years following my stroke, my husband had to be both mother and father as I adjusted my new life. My youngest daughter left school at 16 and developed anorexia almost immediately after my stroke, while my eldest daughters’ epilepsy went off the scale and my wonderful husband started relying on alcohol to relax in the evening.
I now know that life can change in the blink of an eye, so I enjoy every moment.
It has been a long, hard journey to get to our new "normal". My relationship with my husband has deepened, but it is different. As my stroke happened during sex it has had a massive impact on our intimacy and the taboo nature of my stroke has meant we haven't been able to offload our awful experience as you might usually when overcoming a dramatic event.
Many people suffer strokes and heart attacks but most help from the NHS is focused on the physical body, not the emotional effect. I have also struggled with depression along the way but the arrival of my first grandchild has changed that. He has brought real meaning into our lives and there is no greater pleasure than pushing him around our local park and feeding the pigeons – or chasing them! I now know that life can change in the blink of an eye, so I enjoy every moment.
Due to my experience I am supporting Relate’s Best Medicine campaign, which calls on the government to put relationships at the heart of the NHS. Find out more and sign their petition at www.relate.org.uk/thebestmedicine.