Jenny Molloy describes how being taken into care at 9 years old was the best thing that could have happened to her, and how it's affected her life and family ever since.
Jenny Molloy
How the care system changed my life
Posted on: Fri 18-Sep-15 12:04:19
(15 comments )
Jenny aged 8 or 9, and with her family today.
My name is Jenny Molloy, and I was taken into care aged 9. When I say that social workers rescued me as a child, from a life of degradation and destitution, I'm often looked at like I must be living in a paranormal world. Social workers ruin lives, right? Social workers steal children, right? Well, mostly that's wrong.
Going into care was, to me, like entering a different world. Suddenly, I didn't have to worry about violence in the house, my parents hurting themselves whilst drunk, horrible men coming and going or being hungry and dirty. I had children's home staff that cared for me in a way that I had not experienced before.
I remember the feeling of sleeping under my first duvet, and being able to choose my first brand new set of bedding. Strawberry shortcake was my favoured choice. Promises had not been kept at home so I dare not believe that I would actually get it. My happiness at receiving it was shown by me clinging to this duvet around the house for days. It was like sleeping underneath cotton wool.
It's a huge emotional struggle, knowing that your parents are hurting because someone else is caring for you, and at the same time being happy that this was the case.
Of course, life in care was not always easy. My parents struggled with the loss of us, often turning up at the children's home drunk and aggressive. It's a huge emotional struggle, knowing that your parents are hurting because someone else is caring for you, and at the same time being happy that this was the case. Your loyalty is tested. Your heart feels at times like it's going to burst.
Leaving care aged 18, pregnant with my first child, Lauren, was confusing, sad and scary. I had no idea what to do with this baby, at the same time knowing that I had to put up a pretence of coping for fear that my baby would be taken from me. It's hard that one, isn't it. You are taken into care through no fault of your own, but then seen as a risk to your own child simply through having been in care.
Doesn't make sense does it, morally or logically? I loved my baby so much it hurt. I believed that I was a terrible mum. Just because. When my second child came along, I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I could make it as a mum. But what does this mean? To me, a successful mum kept their babies safe, protected them from pain, kept them warm and nurtured their physical and mental wellbeing to within an inch of their lives ?? I can now look back and accept that I did just that.
Today, I am a successful author and consultant, working with social workers and children in care. But most importantly to me, I am a mother to two and a nanny to one. My little Lily. I can finally say that, for our little family, the generational cycle of losing your children to the care system is over.
Jenny is the author of the Sunday Times bestseller Hackney Child. Her new book Neglected is published by Simon & Schuster and is available from Amazon.