All the weddings I have been to, that I really enjoyed were those done without parade and great expense. Some of the weddings have been in churches with the bride in the traditional white dress, others have been in registry offices, but in all cases the event has been a joint endeavour by family and friends to provide everything from catering and the cake to dressmaking and photography.

Interestingly none of these marriages has yet ended in divorce, one couple have been married nearly 50 years, the most recent 10 years. I have been to very few overblown weddings but DC have been to a number and have commented about the inverse relationship between the size and price of the wedding and longevity of the marriage.

Nelliemoser - I think you could have hit the nail on the head with your last paragraph!

Today in 2 weeks time it will be over (bar the "do" and DH's speech) !!
Just hope it doesn't pour with rain as we all plan to walk (with Basil the dog) from the ceremony venue to the reception. Probably will.

Average UK wedding £24.000 !


£0 to £5k 26%

£5k to £10k 21%

£10k to £20k 25%

£20k to £30k 12%

£30k to £40k 5%

More than £40k 10% - wow, 10% over 40K!

Exactly- this is not being in a timewarp or judgmental, to say that you can have a fabulous day without spending 20-30.000£. If you can afford it, fair enough- but I know so many couples who have put huge pressure on parents to pay for extravaganzza with all their savings- and others who borrowed the money and now have to reapy at extoritionate rates- and it's breaking them up. And THAT is just not worth it- as said above, it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding day. Magazines, wedding fairs and 'expectations' if putting huge pressure on couples, especially brides, and parents too.

Definitely if they have to go into debt to fund it!! If they can afford to pay for it upfront, then it is their choice I suppose.

The weddings sound special Badenkate and just what the bride and groom wanted. It's their day, who are we to get all smug n superior about their choices ( not your weddings Badenkate, I mean weddings in general). Older folk need to think on before making judgemental comments about you get folk. Many of us will have caused a stir amongst some older family members who we'd have seen as stuck in their own time warp.

Both my sons got married this year. The elder one for the second time. His wedding was in Stockport Town Hall which has an amazing marble staircase for the bride to come down and the reception was at a local pub where friends could drop in during the evening - it was informal relaxed and they both looked very happy as did his 3 children from his previous marriage. The younger son got married in Santorini with everything organised by a wedding planner out there. It was for close family and a few friends. Like some of you I've always been shocked by the cost of weddings and this one involved them saving for some time BUT I have to admit it was stunning. Everybody was invited to spend the day with the bride and groom as they got ready and the wedding and reception took place outside overlooking the bay as the sun set. I shall remember it for a long time. Both were special and both suited the people and the situation. I still think there are a lot of people making a lot of money by selling a dream, but I shall remember both of this year's special weddings with a great deal of pleasure☺

(as for funerals, there are some very unholy alliances out there - and I could tell some stories that would truly shock you... about such alliances especially in the old days of the arrival of cheaper options, like the Coop, etc).

Alea, so true about the 'appearing noughts' for weddings... and funerals (with the guilt trip attached - surely you want the best for your dearly departed, blablabla)...

For DD1's wedding, we went to visit a local flower shop (in Oakham, Rutland) and said we wanted flowers for her wedding, but not at all fancy, stiff and formal flowers- just 2 big vases and a couple of arrangements to hide the radiators (in the medieval Castle there/hall). The snooty woman said 'wedding flowers are wedding flowers and prices start at £90 (15 years ago)... so I rehiterated we didn't want classic wedding flowers. I turned round and there was a huge bouquet waiting for delivery- which was perfect and just what we wanted (I explained I had already got 2 massive vases for them) - eryngium, pink roses and white delphinium and other stuff- perfect! So I said admiringly- that is beautiful, how much would one of those cost? Her reply, £30. So I said perfect, we will have 2 of those please. Ah no, she said, if it is for a wedding, they will be £90 each, as it is the minimum. Ensued a 'conversation' which ended up with her handing me a 'wedding flowers' leaflet- and a 'you do seem confused, perhaps you should go for coffee and think it over'. Never ever been to that shop again!!

The little flower shop across the road got the message immediately and all was arranged in a giffy for a very reasonable sum. They offered to take the flowers from the medieval hall to the restaurant a few miles away- so they would be used twice- with a few additions, and they delivered all the button holes to our house 30 miles away for a small fee. Wonderful and perfect.

It does seem that the older weddings brought people together to make the day happen. Maybe that doesn't happen so much now. Maybe the cost is about buying more things or using more services instead of family and friends to help make the day special.

My only bridesmaid was my sister, then aged 6 years old so my mum signed for me, along with my brother who was best man and my dad gave me away, a family affair which I wouldn't have done any different for anything, even though we paid for most of our wedding too.

I certainly couldn't have uninvited my mum like I was to my D's this summer, after being told they were paying for it so they would do it how they wanted. I have lovely memories of both my parents being so proud on the day, like they deserved to be after working hard to bring me up.

Oh, pssh! We had a cheap do - church down the road (no bells!), local small hotel for chicken dinner for 40, pub for evening disco, hired dress, coach trip to a rainy week at a b & b in Llandudno. My DC have run the gamut of a civic ceremony with witnesses only to a huge castle do for 140. Whatever is right for the couple is right, and who can say what they should and shouldn't do? My only caveat would be that if they, or their family, can't afford it, they should reign themselves in. Otherwise, have the day you want - the memories last a lifetime!

It sounds lovely, Alea and I hope all goes well.

"Today's weddings" covers a massive range from "big fat" weddings with meringue frocks, horse drawn carriages and a bill for over £20K to chic simple civil do's with a meal in a wine bar and dresses that could be worn anywhere. So I wouldn't want to generalise although my gut reaction was to say "Yes!!"
The important thing to me is the marriage not the wedding but I do understand that couples want to throw a memorable party. One hopes they won't be doing it again!!
What shocks though is the way the noughts appear at the end of any quote when the word "wedding" is let slip. That is unnecessary profiteering and it annoys me.
DD gets married 2 weeks tomorrow (gulp) and I hope that they are doing it their way, I know they will be buying the flowers at the market, a talented friend is doing all the arrangements, DD is wearing a vintage 60's dress and their "do" is in a Social Club a few minutes walk from the museum where the ceremony is taking place. They drove over to France last weekend to buy all the wine and quantities of cheese and saved nearly 50% of what they would have paid plus almost certainly got better. I like to think they have struck the right balance.

I know of at least three couples who had private dance lessons so that they could impress their guests with the first dance

My mum made my dress.
We had just bought a house and paid the solicitors estate agents fees and had little spare money.
We planned to go down to Weston Super Mare to camp for a couple of nights before going back to our jobs in London.
As it happens it started to pour with rain so we had a meal in a restaurant and rang my mum to say could we were come back for the night and the following day we packed our stuff and drove home. We did get a holiday later on in the year when our bank balances had recovered.

All you need is a venue a bit of a party and good friends and family around you.
Being of a cynical bent I have a theory that for many more expensive weddings the length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the ceremony. Just look at many celebrity weddings.

Yes, ridiculous! I feel it's all for show and outdoing other couples - it's a competition. I can't believe all the fuss that's made, let alone the expense. I know a couple who had private dance lessons specifically so they could impress with their first dance.

Well yes- but there is no denying that the pressure to out-do the Jones (or rather the Beckhams) is not huge. I've known many a groom who, after 2 or more years of stressful preparations and temper tandrums- had lost the will to live, or to marry- but felt they couldn't pull out due to cost. What a way to start.

I love a good wedding too- but not an ostentatious and snobby one- where it's all for show and the dreaded video.

I don't feel it's right to get all superior and put our judgy pants on about ' the youth of today and extravagant weddings' . As most couples pay for their own weddings and often already have a home together, surely our role is to go along in a spirit of happiness and goodwill.
I would not want a huge do but as it isn't my wedding, I'll buy a frock, or some other appropriate item of clothing, buy something off the list, or give a cheque towards the honeymoon, put on some lippy and share in the joy. ??

The OP is a generalisation. Not all young couples spend that amount or ask for ridiculous things for presents.

I am sure there has always been a wide variation in the amount spent on the nuptials and on the wedding present list.
I'm sure ours cost more in comparison to either of the two DC's weddings (one still to go, if she bothers at all ).

I made my wedding dress and veil, and the three bridesmaids' dresses. My going away outfit was a snip at £5 in Leadenhall Market - a French Navy linen jacket, skirt and trousers, all fully lined and with the Jonelle label. The skirt was 2 sizes too big, but no problem, I took it apart and remade it. I had my hair done at a local hairdresser, but did my make-up myself - nobody in those days would have dreamt of having a make-up artist
My dad hired a marquee and invited neighbours of my sister to run the bar for us - no pay, they were happy to do it for free food and drinks and they enjoyed the party. We had a record player and whoever was nearest put on a new LP when needed. All the food was done by any friends or family who could lend a hand - I spent my wedding eve with my mum and sister making up 12 loaves of sandwiches . My sister made quiches, an aunty made 6 Victoria Sandwich cakes, mum made half a dozen trifles. And as it was a summer wedding, plenty of neighbours donated flowers for decorating the marquee. My dad had his own carpet business so he brought home some cheap carpet runners to go from the marquee into the house and along to the toilet .
It was a wonderful day, we didn't have little favours on the tables, or pick and mix with specially printed bags for the children, or chairs festooned with oversized satin bows, or any of that extravagant nonsense that is de rigueur these days.
And then we had a week in Lynmouth, North Devon, and my brand new husband got food poisoning and was ill in bed for 3 days

I love a wedding. All that goodwill, hope and happiness. Family and friends sharing their happiness. My three children's were all very different one abroad, not too expensive, one cheap and traditional, (this one didn't last) the last one extortionate. I loved each one. Sharing it with people who'd known, loved and watched them grow was amazing. Each of the brides had very expensive designer dresses and I was privileged to be invited to accompany all three shopping for them. I think I enjoyed that experience more than the wedding. I hope on grey days in my old age I can pull the memories forward and relive them. Women today are so lucky those type of dresses were out of mine and most of my contemporaries reach. So my answer is no weddings are not a waste of money if that's what the couple want and are happy to pay for it.

Our daughter did!

TerriBull I think few couples these days expect or want the parents to pay.

I am not a wedding person. When I got married I wore a white mini-dress bought for a fiver from a boutique in Reigate high street, even in 1968, a fiver for a dress was cheap. We married in church, with 17 guests. My uncle, a priest, performed the ceremony.

We spent our honeymoon in the flat we were renting, there was no point in going away for a honeymoon in February, unless you can afford somewhere warm or interesting, and we couldn't.

DS & DDiL had a wonderful wedding without too much cost. Again a church wedding but DDiL is an events organiser and part time folk singer and people offered services as wedding presents, the photographer came free, as did the cake, the catering was done at cost and some creative friends decorated the village hall where the reception was held. We provided the wine. An ensemble her sister belonged to provided the music in the church and the Master of Ceremonies was a Performance Poet dressed in a smock (he is a friend). We all rallied round to lay out the hall for the reception and returned the following day to do the clearing up.

As the wedding was hundreds of miles from our home we rented a big 6 bedroomed house for the weekend and over 3 nights provided bed and meals for a revolving selection of wedding guests.

Neither DH and I nor DS and DDiL had hen/stag nights. As Terribull says it is the marriage that matters, not the wedding.