As someone else said it's not just the meal, lots of people have family or friends staying which all adds to the stress of trying to make a perfect day for everyone.
There are ways to make things easier like buying in some of the excellent preprepared food available now or asking others to bring a course to the dinner. I think some people are reluctant to let go of being in control of the day then complain about it afterwards.
My sympathies go out to those of us who are grieving at this time, it's even harder when it's Christmas.

True Ankers one of those "wise if sometimes cryptic pronouncements" we became familiar with last year.
Welcome back.

A lot of people have far more choices than they think they do.

Also, who says her sister can't take 'her turn" this year? Just because Patricia's house is better for her poor dad, doesn't mean her sister can't take major responsibility for the dinner, etc. But Patricia would have to turn over her kitchen to her sister and I don't know if either of them would be ok with that.

I love Christmas with all the fuss, etc. But I understand that for some people, it's very stressful. Maybe the answer for Patricia would be to scale back on some of the traditions? Skipping the family breakfast, for example, and just focusing on the dinner might ease some of the stress. So might cutting back on some of the decorations. She could also make it easier for herself by ordering some ready-made side dishes that she just has to heat up, so she can just concentrate on that turkey. It's not an all or nothing choice in my view. She can still do it but make it less pressured.

It's just a roast with a few gifts and crackers.

We watched Jamie Oliver's Christmas show and it was lovely. He got the children involved making a chocolate swiss roll Christmas Pudding, a chocolate drizzle bar made from liquid chocolate iced on to grease-proof paper (a bit like you do toffie for decoration) and left to go cold on top of different flavours of sugar. It was then broken up in to individual pieces. He also cooked the perfect turkey and roast potatoes, plus all the vegetables. No panic, no stress, all looked so easy and yummy. If you can find it on catch up watch it because it really is good. Some great ideas.

My husband and son cook our Christmas dinner. They are both great cooks. I am very lucky I know. However, they enjoy the whole thing so why spoil their fun. I used to be up to my armpits in suds afterwards because I got to wash all the dishes, and believe you me they used almost every dish we own. They relaxed on the sofa and went to sleep after dinner.

These days we have a dishwasher! Win, win!

When dh and I have dished up Sunday dinner or Christmas Dinner one of the offspring or dgc will say..... ok Granny, time to check there's nothing still in the oven/microwave !!

I'm inclined to over cater and many's the Monday I've found the pork crackling, or roast potatoes, unused.

Best to go with the flow and even if there is a little disaster..... sure it makes for a good story the following year

Lucky girl. I'm with you on this. I miss being the one whose home was the centre of Xmas, even though it was hard work. But nothing stays the same and now we spend Xmas at my elder sons house. And it's lovely!

Mushy peas???

Noooo!

I can never understand the fuss people make about Christmas dinner. It's just a glorified roast. I actually like cooking it! And when people suggest going out to eat instead - no way! So expensive, can't believe it's ever worth it, or as nice as dinner at home - and no leftovers to pick at!
Mind you we never have mushy peas - have never heard of them for Christmas dinner - maybe we're just a bit weird.

The key is in advance planning, preparation and delegation. And not too much tonic in the gin!

I have always loved being the lynch pin of the festivities - cooking for everyone and sharing presents. I never saw it as a pressure - if I forgot anything people would just laugh it off.

I miss it now that my DDs "do" Christmas and invite us over there - I am delighted that they do of course! - but it is not the same as making the puddings with everyone having a stir and getting everything ready. I have no preparations to do any more!!!

I will have a lovely time - but it feels very different and I never ever grumbled about doing it.

Try not to feel guilty Popalina. Your mum would want you to continue to celebrate Christmas with the family she loved. Very sad to lose a child to cancer and for your poor D's marriage to then split up. Hope her new relationship works and brings her much happiness and healing.xx

Christmas, I love it normally but also it brings such sadness for me. I have to pretend that I'm in the Christmas mood and be jolly but deep down, I feel sad.
My beautiful Mum passed away on Boxing two years ago. She always had a Boxing Day celebration at her house and now I'm keeping up the tradition but I miss her so much.
My darling Grandson's birthday is 23rd Dec but he also tragically passed away with Cancer at the age of 4 just 6 weeks after my Mum passed away with Cancer.
Celebration, comes with all this grief and the need to support my daughter at this time.
She is amazingly strong and is just going through a divorce( maybe the loss of her only child has contributed to that)
This year she has a new partner. We also have a beautiful new Grandaughter from my other daughter and her husband.
I do feel blessed but miss my darling Grandson and Mum so much ?
I wonder if this feeling of guilt when we celebrate, will ever go away... ??

]

Indeed!

LottieSweetpea has a point. I find all the other stuff more stressful than cooking Christmas dinner. This weekend we'll have a houseful because it's DD2's birthday and as they won't be coming for Christmas this year I said something daft like, 'Oh DO come for your birthday instead.'

So it's a double whammy and I only have myself to blame.

bellsisabelle I used the word glorified, so it implies it's not a normal Sunday dinner, which most of us can do standing in our heads. So, there's a few more veggies to prepare, stuffing and bread sauce can be prepared in advance, pig in blankets take a few minutes to prep and my gravy is always made from meat juices.

And as for the Christmas pudding I have an amazing recipe which doesn't require boiling the ingredients to destruction for hours and has been described as the 'best Christmas pudding ever'.

I am with you careof123 just me and the 2 sons this year. I will ask what they would like to eat , if it is a roast dinner it will be just like the one I do at other times of year + bought Christmas pudding ect . One of my sons will be going out to do a soup kitchen with other volunteers for the homeless who otherwise would be eating nothing. Such a lot of hype caused by the media with adverts of `The perfect family gathering` like the ones with Ruth Jones put people under such a lot of pressure to recreate the fantasy !

After reading all the comments i am glad it will only be my husband and i on Christmas day, i couldn't cope with all the shopping,expense,cooking, and entertaining involved in making a day special for everyone else. I find the build up before Christmas exhausting and when the day arrives i want to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet put my feet up with a good film or radio programme and chill!!!!

It's not just the meal though is it ?!
I will have 5 extra adults and 2 young children staying for about 5 nights .
I shall be practising my delegating skills!!
There's space to be found for them all to sleep and everything else Christmassy to do-presents , cards, tree, food and drink shopping etc etc
Add in a DH who likes to leave it all until the last minute and yes it has the potential to be quite stressy and not as enjoyable as it should be.
Trying to simplify things and count my blessings
It will be fun but also hard work !

This year we have to go to a 30 person family meal on Christmas Day, for the first time. The girlfriend of DH's son is in charge and bossing everyone about with a list of things and every person has to do one dish. Already a row has broken out on Facebook because she wanted to put sweet potato in with ordinary mash....I've said nothing..just observed the comments. I can't stand sweet potato, swede or parsnips.

If it's sooooo stressy ...don't do it !!

Luckily , my lot don't come for the food they come for the company, the love, the memories !!

I certainly don't make pigs in blankets ( life's too short !) . I can turn out a creditable spread and if the gravy has lumps ...I sieve it

My puddings come from M and S ,no one ever struggled with a cheese board! Oh, and the alcohol flows freely so by tea time no one gives a stuff.

That's what I call a perfect Christmas !

What - you do all that for a normal Sunday roast? Wow!