I want to help.

I wouldn't. I've found that people who you try to help sometimes use and abuse you. My mother gave money to people and found they came back for more.

I suggest you go to your charitable organisation that is slow or not willing to help this lady and ask them why. There may be a very good reason why they don't with something in the background that you don't know about.

I think you have to be very careful so what about giving her a smaller amount say £50 and then see how you feel but be wary. Some people just can't manage money well.

Dawn22
I would give her the money. You say you are a good judge of character, go with your gut.
Over the years I've given/ lent a lot of money to people in trouble. I've only ever been let down once.

No,no and again no. It could lose you your job with the charity that you have at the moment and open up a great cupboard of demands on you for money, help, dispute resolution and other troubles that cannot be forseen.

I worked for Age Concern (as was) for many years as a volunteer Home Visitor and we constantly had it ground into us that we should not get over involved with our client's lives. On several occasions, I had to walk away, having done all I could, knowing that having done everything I could and passed it on to another body who should take responsibilty but wouldn't. That must be the end of the case for me.

The fact that you have posted about this in GN shows that you too are not sure whether you should do any thing.

Whatever you decide to do. never,never, never, give money, give in kind and small quantities, so that it cannot be sold on.

I think you need to talk some more with someone at the top of the charity. Find out their reasons why they won't help her anymore. As a volunteer you are entitled to be listened to. Charities rely heavily on their volunteers.

Don't give up yet, but wait until you know a lot more about the whys and wherefore. You could even ask the charity how they would feel about you giving personally to her. It would, at the very least, show them how strongly you feel about this.

Dawn22, your intentions are good but this is not a good idea and may have long-lasting consequences. Also, if the organisation you volunteer for gets to hear of you working outside the rules or getting personally involved in any way with their clients then you will probably be asked to leave, which would be a shame as it sounds like you have a lot of compassion for the clients. It is hard when you work with people that need help but there may be circumstances you are currently unaware of or good reasons why the organisation is not helping more at this stage. Please just offer support or point this woman to other agencies that may be able to help, but do not give cash or anything else.

I agree with most of the posts here. Don't get too involved with this lady and don't take her out for a meal, as one Gran has suggested. Have another chat with your charity and suggest that you maybe can find a way to help her out. Tell them you are worrying about her and you wonder if the charity can be persuaded to help a bit more. Perhaps they know something about her that maybe they should tell you, such as she is a drug addict and that is what she will spend money on. Her bad health could be related to that.

Your first step should be to arrange a formal meeting with the head honcho of the charity - not just an informal discussion when you have "batted for her." You can then ask them about their policies and protocols, and then you can think through how this relates to the person about whom you are concerned. There may be sound reasons for their stance on this, and, if there are, you need to know what these are in order to make a proper judgement about whether their decision is "unfair." Unfortunately charities are forced to make some very difficult decisions at times.

I was a SW and there were times when I just wanted to scoop some poor soul up and do everything for them. But there were rules and a professional distance had to be maintained. So I do sympathise with what your heart is telling you, but would advise going with your head and working through the proper channels.

It is a sad truth - and it pains me to say this - that some people who have had dysfunctional upbringings can simply suck you dry - I have been there - and you do not want to get yourself into this situation.

I would suggest that, if all else fails, you research other sources of support for this woman and provide her with this information.

But at this stage I do not think giving her direct help off your own bat is the right route to go.

It's a hard world out there but UK is supposed to be a civilized place where people are provided for. But it does not seem to be happening - judging by statistics of millions of children living poverty. All the time charities appeal for funds on TV - where does all that money go? Why is your charity not supporting this woman? If you decide to give her extra help - do so anonymously.

I’m really concerned that there are a few posters advocating the giving of money personally with no regard to the possible consequences for the OP. Just because some people have done this themselves and got away with no bad consequences doesn’t mean the OP will be in the clear.
There are many many better suggestions on here.
There has to be a reason why the person has got into difficulties, can’t seem to get out of them, and is not “qualifying” for more help through this particular avenue of support. Throwing a large lump sum of money at the problem may not necessarily solve anything longer term, may open the way, unwittingly, to more problems and cause the OP to lose her job and reputation. If the person is on benefits they would be expected to declare the gift? As to giving anonymously, this could be extremely difficult to do. A compassionate person should seek to guide the person to organisations who can legitimately help. Offering time and support to help do this would be far more useful as well as being safer. A poster previously mentioned CAP. The person does not have to be a Christian to use their services. They help, support and guide any person in financial distress.

I’m a charity volunteer in a similar environment. Volunteers have to abide by the same Code of Conduct as the employees and trustees. You would be violating ours by giving a client money and would be banned from volunteering. We hand out food bank vouchers. Could you not arrange for her to access these? You must do as advised by the posters on here. I know you sympathise with this lady, but you must got get personally involved.

Hi Dawn
Please reconsider this , my sister did something similar for a charity she volunteers for and it caused her more mental stress that she has actually given up Her charity work .
She had a young lady with a little 2 year old , she was given food every week for quite awhile but then started to say her food wasn’t lasting the week.
The charity found out her partner was selling the food to buy drink, although this was in no way her fault they stopped her from using the food bank.
My sister felt sorry for her and gave her £50.00 to buy groceries. Unfortunately her partner followed my sister home one day and started pestering her for money , it got so bad that the police were involved.
So please reconsider although a lovely thought it could have repercussions.

I'm pretty surprised at the tone of these responses to be honest. In the four years I've been working with homeless and vulnerably housed people I would say that the vast majority are inspirational people trying to make the best of a life that has kicked them in the teeth. Some of my clients are working, some are mentally/physically disabled or too ill to work and a very few are dealing with the consequences of being raised in dysfunctional households or drug/alcohol abuse - the thing that they mostly have in common is that they are poor and have very little family support.

My volunteers, caseworkers and members of the local community have occasionally given anonymous gifts to clients in exactly the way I described up-thread. So far all of the outcomes have been positive. Have we been extraordinarily fortunate?

I am with sazz1 and grannyactivist. Dawn22 you are obviously a caring and compassionate person and I disagree with a complete ban on helping people personally, as so many have suggested. Certainly there are many situations where people do take advantage, but it sounds like you have known this woman for some time and are able to make an informed decision. Perhaps anonymously is the best way. And I certainly agree with send her to CAB and other agencies. And if you get dismissed from the charity for your involvement, I don't see it as a great loss. Can you find another organisation with a kinder heart?

You sound like a very compassionate person Dawn, but don't give her money. As gillybob suggests can you help her in another practical way. I am assuming you mean for the food bank that the vouchers are given. Could this lady's needs be reassessed to see if she can get any extra help. CAB could give her some practical advice and go through her situation with her and make a decision, I was under the impression that you are given 3 vouchers if you qualify which have to be spread out over a period of time. Does the town you live in have any of the cafes that are springing up all over the place now to help disadvantaged people, were they cook meals from foods that have been donated from local shops. You can pay what you can afford or nothing if you have no money at all. The one in our town is connected to one of the churches and also has one of the foodbanks. If you give her money outright, then she may expect to get some more when this is spent.

This could contravene your volunteer work agreement and you might find that they ask you to leave should you do this.

Totally agree don't give money, or even groceries of that value. I like the idea of paying for something anonymously, but DO ensure its anonymous. She may be a lovely person, but her family may be violent, abusive, controlling (I've met all that in the charity I work with). Even knowing you have a source who can give money may leave you open to demands.

I should say that I run a charity that works with people who are usually in dire poverty and one reason for this is that many of them are not claiming all the benefits they are entitled to. For many people who are in debt the problem is not that they're unable to manage their money - it's that they literally don't have enough to live on. I have a client who was attempting to live on an income of less than £80 a week and we managed to get him a small Personal Independence Payment (PIP) that has made a massive difference to his ability to pay his bills AND eat. (I should say that he DID pay his bills, but then had to rely on the local food-bank because there was no money left over for food).

A friend of mine felt very sorry for a young couple sleeping in doorways over the winter. She rallied friends to donate and paid for them to stay three nights in a hotel over Christmas. Half an hour after they checked in, the couple tried to check out and have a refund of the cash paid to the hotel. This was refused so they trashed the room instead leaving my friend with a bill for damages. In case you are wondering if this is an ‘urban myth’, unfortunately not . I know the people involved. Dawn, don’t do it.

No you really shouldn’t give to her individually- as others have said it may well cause far more problems in the long term - if the client tells a friend then what happens if they come to the organization you volunteer for asking for similar help - aren’t they just as in need? Why is one person more in need than the others ? Maybe donate to the food bank instead? Also think about the person - however much they are in need do they want your charity ? I know it’s hard but to survive working in the charity sector you need to leave the clients behind when you leave

Like some others on here, I'd also tell you to 'tread warily' where this lady is concerned.

Recently, I've become quite friendly with a lady who sells the Big Issue. I've bought her a hot drink as well as buying the magazine. Then she asked me for money to pay for some nappies for her baby. A couple of weeks later, it was some nappies, wipes and cream. Then she asked for nappies and soap powder. After that she visited the charity shop where I volunteer, and was seen to take something without paying by one of the other staff members. The last time, she asked for a buggy for her baby. In the meantime, she has had another baby - so now has four children under the age of 8. Her mother lives in her own country, though her boyfriend is living here and so is his family.

On another occasion, I gave a decent, functioning, but unneeded, mobile phone to somebody who said she needed one to keep in touch with her family. A couple of weeks later, she told me that she hadn't been able to get a new 'sim card' for it ........................ but her sister told me that her son takes everything that she has to sell for money for drugs for himself. He claims to be 'her carer' as she has mental health issues, but he's just helping himself continually.

Best to find some other way to help this lady that won't compromise yourself or the organisation that you work with.

We need more Earth Angels like you Dawn. Horrible the way some people have judged this woman without knowing the circumstances. As a child I lived for a while in a homeless hostel with my parents who were perfectly decent human beings. I agree with others who have said perhaps help out with groceries etc. I wouldn’t want to work for a charity that doesn’t help people. I wonder how they would feel if they were in this woman’s position?

No no no ! Please don't put your hand in your own pocket for this person, however much you feel sorry for her- it may well not stop at just the one time.
There may be reasons that the charity are aware of and you are not as to why they will not help her, that may involve the rest of her family , or maybe they have helped her in the past, financially and she has done nothing to help herself get out of the hole she is in.

Hi, having worked for a charity I feel for you as I have seen a colleague in a similar situation. Please DO NOT GIVE HER Money it will come back on you big time. You say she has a dysfunctionly family, they may see you as a cash cow and use this to blackmail you into giving more & more money and bigger amounts. I saw a colleague get caught up in this situation and in the end it cost her, her job, her clearance to work with vulnerable people and her reputation. Be her friend and help her to access other places for help but keep records of everything you do for her, always cover your back as this will confirm your actions should she decide to complain about you. I'm sorry I sound so negative but it's very easy to get pulled into a bad situation.