This made me laugh.......

Veet for Men reviews - I haven't laughed so much for a long time!! Unbelievable!!!

You are cruel! However, I had to smile at the man who thought it was eleven times more painful than childbirth.

PHEW!That certainly livened up a boring evening!Is it just a coincidence that most of the posts are dated today!!

Yes, it is a coincidence - I just post a few more jokes whenever I have a few spare minutes, which is often.
Please forgive me if I repeat any -I think I have posted well over 200 and I can't always remember if I have already posted one without looking back through all of them.
When I get to one thousand, I shall expect a party in my honour.

None of that Sissy Stuff!!

Are you tired of those sissy friendship poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1.. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b*****d who made you sad.

2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3 When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath~ I pledge it to the end. “Why?”you may ask; because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth!

A man came across his wife in the kitchen counting one and two p coins , so he said to his mate I don"t know whats going on with her , his mate said I do she"s going through the change

Veet for men reviews!

Thanks for all the laughs everyone. Greatnan you and I did'nt get off to a great start - 'If you were Prime Minister',. I am a new member and I was'nt sure gransnet was going to be suitable for me as I obviously upset some of you and I was a little upset I had done so.

This has given me a lot of laughs and I hope that whilst I will have a few run-ins I hope we can agree that is because we are strong minded people with our own thoughts and can view our comments as debate not confrontation.

Must think of a joke but I doubt it will match these.

I wonder if you will all enjoy this true story? I used to run a 'Gateway' Club (a leisure club for people with learning difficulties). Their ages ranged from 15 upward, and at a certain stage many of them were older teenagers with siblings getting married and having babies (not necessarily in that order). We were very fortunate in that we were able to encourage many young volunteers to join us, and on occasions we would go on what we called a pub crawl, we actually hired a coach and went to a local pub, who knew we were arriving. On this occasion Colin (one with learning difficulties) was really keen to know all about families, etc., and whilst he was leaning on the bar, he was chatting to Andrew (a young volunteer), and asked - 'How long does it take to have a baby then?' to which Andrew replied 'About 9 months' Colin picked up his beer in disgust, announcing to all in sundry that he 'could not stay in bed all that time'. BOOM! BOOM!

print

No problem ,POGS, I would get bored if everybody agreed with me.[Smile]
Print - I loved that story. Sometimes the things people say are much funnier than any joke.

Am still ...thanks for the laughter.

Thanks everyone. I needed a chuckle. Just come back from very wet Paris to wet Cheshire!

Annobel, I have a lovely little oil painting of a wet Parisian boulevard which brings back many happy memories. Don't you know that Parisian rain is quite different?

Print Bless him.

This is a genuine news item - Greatnan.

Spanish prostitutes ordered to wear reflective vests for their own safety

Prostitutes working on the street outside a town northern Spain have been ordered to wear reflective vests to make them visible to passing traffic and reduce the risk of a traffic accident

Women touting for customers on a rural highway outside Els Alamus near Lleida in Catalonia have been told to don the yellow fluorescent bibs or pay fines of 40 euros (£36) under road traffic laws.

Police claim the sex workers on the LL-11 road are not being specifically targeted because of what they do but because they posed a danger to drivers.

The prostitutes are in breach of 2004 law which states pedestrians on major highways and hard shoulders must wear the high visibility garments.

A spokesman for the regional police force, the Mossos d'Esquadra said: "In the past couple of months the prostitutes have been fined for two reasons: for not wearing the reflective jacket and for creating danger on the public highway."

The move follows recent legislation introduced by Els Alamus town hall to ban prostitutes from offering sex for sale in public urban areas. The mayor Josep Maria Bea has been accused of mounting a campaign to drive the sex workers out of the area.

Paris rain was wet and cold this week, Greatnan. I wasn't 'singing in the rain'!

Oh and did I mention the hail storm in Montmartre?

Greatnan.

DEMENTIA QUIZ for those that think they're clever

This may be a "LITTLE" difficult for all who are over 60.
Those who are younger than this will have no hope at all.
Good luck (you'll need it).



DEMENTIA QU FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~



ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME..
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN)

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~





ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30..
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 ... NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100....

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION:
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
2 WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?





~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~



DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S REALLY EASY
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASK FOR THEM

I'm a genius! I got one right!

I got two right!

But I got 4,090 - where did I go wrong...?

I got them all right (I've seen them before!) except the maths one (I've also seen that one before ) Please tell me!!

I got them right except for the arithmetic one, I got 5000.