This made me laugh.......

Exercise While Pregnant
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk

This is my favouritd thread, please keep them coming ladies. It was a pleasure to be sure of no nastiness on this one -ho hum. What would life be without a daily chuckle?
I just wish I could remember a single one of the jokes to repeat to friends!

Not Gratnan sorry....... Greatnan

Yes, keep 'em coming '*Gratnan*! We need a laugh on Gransnet

Just in case anybody else is worried about the time I spend looking for jokes - it takes me about one minute to copy and paste off one of the dozens of joke sites I have found by googling.

Nonu - you seem to find time in your busy life to post something negative about all my posts. I think people will be getting a bit tired of it now - it has stopped being amusing and is just irritating. I have posted over 800 jokes and many people seem to enjoy them. If you don't, it doesn't take a great intellect to work out that you can just stop opening the thread.

I keep forgetting to look at this thread but when I do it really cheers me up!

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s**t.

You're doing a great job glass Keep it up

Nonu no one is making you read this thread! So if you don't like it , don't read it! Simples.

I have a little Satnav

I have a little Satnav,
It sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend,
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav,
I've had it all my life.
It isn’t like the normal ones -
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions,
Especially how to drive -
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says,
"You're doing thirty five."

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake,
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green -
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear,
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device,
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice!

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught,
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while . . .
I could turn the damned thing off.

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, Dad, she said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPad.


I can tell you,
that bloody fly never knew what hit it...

So ? what ?

So?

Always seems to be the same posters .

Laugh even!Keep 'em coming!

But they made me smile!!!

Think this post is a bit old hat now , the posters must spend hours searching for jokes , I really could not be bothered . Ofr course i do have a busy lifestyle x

A Time of Weakness
Rosemary had been divorced for a few years and was finding life very lonely.

Finally, after much persuasion, she consented to go out on a date with Andy, a gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.

Andy picked her up and they went to a very secluded spot to have a picnic.

Andy had also been divorced for quite some time and found himself very attracted to Rosemary.

Despite her initial resistance to his advances, he finally suceeded in making love to her.

Rosemary was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, "I don't know how I'm going to face my daughter, knowing that in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"

"What do you mean, twice?" Andy asked. "We only did it once."

"Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?" Rosemary asked.

That's funny! It makes me think "Things men wouldn't say....."

Brilliant!

I'd Do Anything
A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean.." she whispers, "..I would do ANYTHING!!"

He returns her gaze. "Anything??"

"Yes,.. Anything!" She says.

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you.. study??"

Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

And the number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

A Fisherman's Tale
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.

He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."