Can't bear to watch

Those of you who work with abused children I admire. I am sure some cases are forever printed on you brain. There are quite a few awful stories I have read that I can never forget of child abuse. One, a little girl was so terribly abused by her step father. It upset me so much and I was so concerned for her that I wrote and said if she has no home I would take her. Silly of me really but I could not sleep worrying about her. She ended up living with her father but has injuries that will never be healed.

specki I remember being in a caravan in Northumberland when poor little Madeleine went missing. I remember lying awake listening to the night (as you can do in Northumberland) and hoping beyond hope that she would be found by morning. I remember wondering how I would feel if it were my own dear grandaughter and begging (I don't know who as I am not religious) that she would be okay. The fact that she is still "missing" haunts me to this day and I would dearly love her to be found and returned to her loving family.

I always think of Ben when a missing child is mentioned. There wasn't the same lurid speculation about his disappearance. How awful to live your life not knowing where your child has gone.

And what about Ben Needham - an even earlier disappearance? Every so often his mum is in the media, still hoping that one day she might be reunited with her son.

I hope with all my heart that Madelaine is safe and has not been harmed. This is a rare case where the sadness of the family is so often talked about, unlike many cases where their feelings are overlooked.

Me again - the case of Madeleine McCann still gives me sleepless nights. Every time it comes up in the news, I am filled with longing for that child to be found. I veer between pity for her and what she may have suffered to pity for her parents who must wake up every morning with such heavy hearts. When my eldest son was tiny, we used to go round to our next door neighbours for supper and keep popping back. We lived on a small estate and all the young parents did it - this was in the late 60s in a country village - not trying to make excuses, because I now feel guilty as hell about it. But it seemed quite normal at the time. We'd never heard of paedophiles in those days.

But one has to watch a little to know and do something. Any pain we suffer while watching pales into insignificance when placed next to the victims' suffering

I've been in positions like when and ga, and taken it home with me. I remember my turning point only too well (I was Child Protection Officer at the time, at school). Still with me.

But knowing about man's (generic) potential for inhumanity can only inform and govern our responses. Knowledge is power.

nightowl I've known a few back-watchers like that, too. They sweep in to check the paperwork is up to date and have no notion of the anguish that the poor worker is going through.

At the moment I am struggling to work out how long I can keep doing it though. Sadly when the kind of support you describe from your manager no longer exists, at least not in my experience. I spoke to 2 different managers about the child on life support and the first response of both was 'is the department in the clear'. The job has changed beyond all recognition and has lost its heart.

grannyactivist that's exactly it - I have cried driving home, thinking about the children who have been harmed. As an experienced worker I went into a specialism with abusers. I thought I had seen everything by that stage. The day I listened with horror as a sex offender described his ideal child was the day that broke something inside me, as he described my teenage son. I ran to my manager's office and spilled out all my feelings of revulsion and when I had finished, she gently said 'the day you stop having those feelings, you should pick up your coat and leave. Now you have to learn how to tread that fine line of being objective and helpful to the people whose behaviour repulses you.'

People comment that they could never do our job, and there are jobs that they do that I could never bring myself to do - we all do what we're cut out for, don't we?

Cannot watch programmes on television which show harm to animals (even when it's another animal attacking), and even if this is in the natural habitat of the animals. Have to go out of the room when the news is on and it details cases such as Baby P. Gratuitous violence/abuse towards children is thankfully rarely shown on television, although the Silent Witness episode where the young boy was suffocated still stays in my head, and has made me decide never to watch the programme again. Maybe it's the thought of vulnerable children not being able to escape such violence that affects me so much. grannyactivist, that will be with you forever, but when you're able to think of the way his life is now, hopefully HE will be able to forget a little bit.

I completely agree. I find it even harder now than when my own children were small; I think it must be something to do with age and the perspective that brings. I have been dealing this week with a toddler with multiple injuries on life support. It is not clear exactly what has happened to her, and it is not clear whether she will survive. I am looking at my precious grandson today and my heart just breaks for that little girl.

Hi whitewave I know exactly what you mean. I agree with specki4eyes and can't bear to think about the abuse of defenceless children or animals never mind watch it.

Oh dear grannyactivist I could never have done your job, but I really appreciate that there are genuinely good social workers, without whom many children would continue to be badly abused throughout their lives. It must really difficult not to become too involved when you have children or grandchildren yourself and make comparisons like you did.

Did anyone see the Great Ormond Street on TV last night? Those poor children and their families coping with Brain Tumours it broke my heart. Thats where the money we are wasting on the Jubilee and Olympics should be going.

when I remember when my son was a blue eyed, blonde, four year old. I sat sobbing at my desk with a file in front of me which detailed the unspeakable horrors perpetrated (by his mother ^et al^) on a blue eyed, blonde, four year old boy - he looked remarkably like my son in the attached photo! To this day I think about what was done to that child and no matter how much I would like to I just cannot undo the memory. I carried on working as a front line social worker for a few more years, but something in me broke that day and I could never regain the degree of detachment necessary to maintain separateness between my work and home life. (The boy was found an amazing adoption placement and I like to think of him progressing now along the same lines as my own son. There is a way back from even the most horrendous abuse.)

I'm the same! Its frustrating because I'm so interested in the natural world, but the programme makers always want to focus on the killing/predatory aspect of wild animals. And always in such graphic detail. So I just don't watch those programmes, although I would like to.
As far as cruelty to children and domestic animals is concerned, well I can't even bear to THINK about it, much less watch.

Oh yes I can't turn away from children in need - it is so depressing though I remember having a debate in uni about what is the chief cause of poverty - absolutely nothing has changed. I deal with it by giving all my charity money to children's charities.

It's a mixture of feelings for me - I avoid watching dramatisations of people and animals being harmed, but when there is a news report of, for example, children being helped in the Sudan or following an earthquake, where an appeal is being broadcast, I feel bound to watch and respond - can't turn away and think of those children suffering.

Having grandchildren certainly affected my ability to work with offenders who harm children. I can be objective and address some harrowing accounts of crime, but when a child who has been harmed was like my grandchildren in any way, it resonated deeply.

I too feel the same and I put it down to having grandchildren and realising that nowaday because of the news coverage giving every detail we know more of what goes on in the world.