Living alone - live webchat with Virginia Ironside, Thursday 12 July, 1-2pm

chocolateaddict

Hope it's ok to go slightly off topic - but I would love to know more about what it's like to be an agony aunt. Did you have to get special qualifications? Do people's problems ever stay with you? And have you ever given an answer you wish you hadn't?

I'd always been a journalist since the age of 20 and having had a rather troubled childhood with an alcoholic mother I found caring for people very satisfying. When I heard there was a vacancy for an agony aunt at Woman magazine in the early seventies I jumped at the chance and I've been doing it ever since. No, I've never given an answer I've regretted, and yes, problems about child abuse always stay with me. When I say abuse I don't mean just sexual abuse - I mean the far more common neglect, physical violence etc.

curlynan

My main worry about living on my own is what happens in an emergency. Can you suggest some steps to put in place in case? I have friends who live in sheltered accommodation and they have alarms to press - but in my own home I can't see any alternative bar making it to the phone. And if I was seriously ill or hurt that wouldn't necessarily be possible or practical

You can, of course, buy personal alarms that you wear round your neck all the time and if you're worried you might fall ill and be unable to make it to the phone, I would really recommend one of those. But one thing that's extremely important when you're old is to make friends with your neighbours - and I mean your immediate neighbours. Ask them over at Christmas for drinks, and be sure to get to know their names. It is much easier, when you're alone and have more time on your hands, to initiate these contacts particularly with busy working neighbours, rather than expect them to start the friendship. It's amazing how kind - and useful - neighbours can be in medical emergencies.

granIT

I believe you had a facelift a few years ago. What made you decide to do that? As someone who now celebrates getting older, do you still feel it was a good idea?

I realised that having been so depressed when I was young, I was looking terribly gloomy. Since I was feeling so much happier, I wanted my face to reflect that - hence the facelift. I have to say it's been one of the best things I've ever done. Because I look happier, people feel happier when they meet me, and so I respond in a more smiley way and so on.

Maniac

Lived alone for 30 yrs.Most of the time happy with that.-have good friends and neighbours.- lots of activities -changing as l become less mobile.
Virginia -love your books -bought 'No!I Don't Want to Join a Book Club' on publication .-Hilarious.
I would like to ask what you suggest for holidays and weekends which can be a bit lonely.

They can be a bit hard, I agree. I have two strategies. One is to say to myself that I NEVER go out on Saturday nights. That way when I don't go out, I don't feel alone or neglected. And the other is, of course, to make endless plans. What so few people realise is that living alone is really like a full-time career and it requires a huge amount of work. Friendships need to be watered, you have to ask people round if you expect to be asked over, and you have to arrange jaunts, instigate phone calls and so on. It's much more relaxing not being alone, in my view, and living alone can be exhausting, even if fun.

Greatnan

I would like to ask Virginia why it is so hard for people to accept that some of us actually like living alone. I know it is not for everybody, but it is so annoying when people insist that I must be lonely as if it couldn't possibly be a deliberate choice.

To be honest I don't think you should get annoyed because it's very kind of them to worry about you, even if you're not worried about yourself. So I would just smile graciously and say: "How kind of you to be so sympathetic! But I'm one of the lucky people who actually like being alone." And remember, too, how lucky you are. Because lots of people hate being alone.

sixtiesgirl

As having been an 'almost' only child, yes, I do like my own company and the peace to indulge my hobies, so that part of growing older doesn't bother me. However, should we not also touch on the other subject of growing older and that is 'our appearance' and 'health'. Do you, Virginia, feel a grieving for 'the way we used to look' and the stamina and tiptop health of youth? I do.

No, I don't! My experience is that so many older people let themselves go that with only a very little effort it's extremely easy to look a lot more glam than quite a few contemporaries. As for health, having suffered depression all through my youth, which is worse than anything, a bit of arthritis now doesn't bother me at all - it's a welcome relief in fact! Anything is better than being depressed.