Living alone - live webchat with Virginia Ironside, Thursday 12 July, 1-2pm

Start a Sunday afternoon group?

I was married for 42 years and we were together for 3 years before that. It is difficult to make a life after so many years as a couple but as Merlot said there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I have friends that I see regularly and although I have no immediate family of my own, my husbands family are very supportive and we see each other regularly. I find the hardest time is on Sundays. That was the day we used to spend together, no matter what else was happening - that was our day.

I live in the country and as most groups meet during the evening it means coming back home in the dark - I can't say I enjoy that very much. I just wish there were more groups that met during the day.

There is no one else to snatch the remote control. Ive been alone for nearly years - cant believe it is so long but I'm almost never lonely, but delighted to be with others at times. Although fairly gregarious, I'm surprised I don't need others and of course pleased that I don't because I've lost a lot of friends who have died young. I don't think it makes me selfish, although I realise I don't have to consider anybody in the same house - but children and grandchildren are there to be considered and that is nice too!

There are many gransnetters who obviously cope very well with living alone and enjoy life to the full. I have been happily married for forty-three years, since the age of nineteen. My OH is in very good health and I hope we will enjoy many more years together, but I can imagine that making a life alone after all that time would be very hard. I would like to ask you how you advise people to start to make a life for themselves after many years as a couple? Are there any things you should definitely do or not do?

I would like to ask Virginia if she thinks that belonging to groups, either for women or older people, can be a big help to people who live alone and miss human contact.

{grin] Merlot

Merlot - you are a girl after my own heart

Very well said merlotgran

Advantages of 'cyber' friends:

Your dogs won't jump up at them
You don't have to worry if the house is a mess.
You can chat and watch telly at the same time without appearing rude.
If they get up your nose disagree with you you can think up a reply you wouldn't normally think of until after they'd gone home.
They don't outstay their welcome.
Best of all....They don't drink your merlot

the worry is if you are ever ill at night,but i have good neighbours.

I live alone, sometimes it would be nice if i weren't but i crave to be alone to chill out.

Lived alone for 30 yrs.Most of the time happy with that.-have good friends and neighbours.- lots of activities -changing as l become less mobile.
Virginia -love your books -bought 'No!I Don't Want to Join a Book Club' on publication .-Hilarious.
I would like to ask what you suggest for holidays and weekends which can be a bit lonely.

I know how you feel,I've had falls and lost confidence too. Apart from angel next door and my work, I'm isolated. That's why I enjoy my cruises!

When I retired I didn't think loneliness would be bad. I joined things,went out a lot etc. Then, I began to fall which has taken over my life--10 times last year and so confidence is rock bottom. Of course I know how it became so, the condition just wasn't picked up. The worse thing is when one begins to lose friends, for different reasons-moving away and a few lost to cancer.
But I keep trying and haven't given up yet!

Aruna, certainly the fact that I have good health and sufficient income for my travels makes a huge difference. I am well aware that there are many people who are not so fortunate and also some people hate living alone. I think we just wanted to make the point that some of us are very happy living alone, by choice. It might be encouraging for anyone who is newly bereaved to know that living alone need not be a miserable experience.

After two years research into lonelines culminating in in a book the findings indicated that for the majority of older people loneliness can be real problem. As one person said` If you admit to loneliness others back off` .

Gransnet members comments are mostly upbeat and positive but think must not forget enjoying living alone often is largely dependant on social material and physical cicumstances.

I have lived alone for almost 13 years now and mostly enjoy my own company, but I work or look after my grandson, so I'm not alone during the day, and can find plenty to do in the evening and at weekends, but would hate to be alone all the time, if I wasn't able to work, or do some voluntary work, I am sure I would get depressed. I enjoy gardening, reading , watching TV, but have not got any real hobbies, not in to sport of any kind.

I am awake early in the mornings and it would be a verey long day if I couldn't get out, also I am lucky to have a car, but have never driven on the motorway and think it is too late now for me to even attempt it!

I have never lived alone, but I do like 'alone-time' which I can now have, now that all our children have left home. My husband and I (past retirement age) run a small business and he spends much more time there than I do. he's happy and I am too.

Four of my closest women friends live alone and value it's advantages.

As having been an 'almost' only child, yes, I do like my own company and the peace to indulge my hobies, so that part of growing older doesn't bother me. However, should we not also touch on the other subject of growing older and that is 'our appearance' and 'health'. Do you, Virginia, feel a grieving for 'the way we used to look' and the stamina and tiptop health of youth? I do.

I had dd living at home for a year while she took her pgce. I love her dearly, but, having lived on my own for several years, it almost drove me crazy.
I do get lonely sometimes, but it's rare and now I have my virtual friends!

The only drawback for me is that there is nobody to make you a cup of tea if you are feeling ill - fortunately, I can't remember the last time I was laid low.
The great advantage of having cyber friends is that they never interrupt when you are watching a favourite programme or are immersed in a good book.
Sanctuary is exactly the right word to describe how I feel about my home. I love travelling but when I get back I feel as though my flat welcomes me!

Anagram, you have no idea the number of excuses I can make to myself - and make myself believe them!

I know I'd be like that too, Annobel. I'd probably stay up late, sleep 'til noon and read all afternoon! I wouldn't answer the doorbell, and I'd really resent anyone trying to 'take me out of myself'!

The only drawback to living alone, as far as I'm concerned, is that it's turned me into an ever worse slob than usual. Never do today what can be put off till tomorrow...

Yes, same here - I don't think anyone would dare to presume that I feel lonely, having seen me enjoying my life much more since retirement. I love being with people, and I love coming back home to my sanctuary