Lil's Bar

Just testing!! Only jesting -Lil - of course , I remember her well!
Once seen NEVER forgotten, - but I got you all going. innit?

Ana's right, Gramps. Surely you remember Lil, the buxom lass behind the bar. Hair like hay and lips like a gasping guppy. The very same Lil whose cigarette ash falls into the beer glass after she's polished it with her hanky. Whose dress-sense leaves nothing to the imagination. Of course you remember Lil, the love-light of your life. PS - You're in for a right rollicking if you don't...

gramps, you've got the wrong end of the stick again)! It's Lil who's been pining for the feel of your handlebar moustache brushing against her more discreet one, and who hasn't been able to look at a pork scratching since you went into rehab the Retreat!
She won't be pleased if she thinks you've got the hots for nellie. Save yourself while you can, nellie.......

Little Nell, Oh little Nell!
No more cry the salty tear,
Your old soldier is close to here,
Take off that tatty beer stained pinny,
I have for you one from Witty Winnie,
Winnie whinnies like a horse,and her manners are rather coarse!
It has a saturated odour, rather like a boggy floater. {er! soggy bloater}
This lovely gift I bring to you, will keep you safe from "you know who"!
My mode of speaking has improved,(unless I say sumfink reely rude!)
Oh Nell I'll come with burning passion,
I've got some notes on latest fashion!
I'll seek you soon by that old shed.
{Hope they changed that squeaking bed!}

Sorry, that should be

Now I'm off to do some serious maintenance of Rory's low-market apartment. Back later for a pint of whatever's on special offer...

We need a SCREAMING with laughter thingy... [grin

where is my lovely old soldier,who are these people that have stolen him...we want gramps we want gramps we want gramps....
Lil is heartbroken she met her soulmate in gramps,now she is sitting in the corner a sodden mess with his collection of dads army DVDs and an uneaten 12" meat feast lays festering in the box she treasures the piece that has gramps denture marks imprinted in it a a few clippings from his handlebar moustache which got covered in tomato purée and had to be trimmed,the light has gone out of her life,...

pete why would we settle for half measures just accommodate your box...or can your lean mean delivery machine not provide the goods,.a 12" meat feast is much more satisfying and you get more portions per serving....

A most goodly day to you all. My Confederates who contribute so knowledgably to this page.
My name is Arthur, the other exubriant half of Marthur and Arthur, who have had knowledge of this page! We have tapes from the VPS , proving malpractice and offering help! (certain conditions apply!)
Gramps will be back shortly now and will attempt to answer your questions then!
Good evening to you all!

nell and ana I took your advice and did a shift for Lil last night.
Meet "beautiful women" you said.....well everyone of them was a huge slob grabbing at the 12"meat feast as though they hadn't had any for weeks.....(Why 12"? 6-7" would fit in the box much better). After what seemed hours of knocking on doors of what appeared,inside,to be waiting rooms for the Jeremy Kyle show I'd had enough!! Doreen agreed and we went to do the last one. This was an eye-opener for anyone....Bloke dressed in a pink leotard with matching high-heels opened the door and wanted to measure the meat feast..I told him he was taking the pizza and off we went.
So never again will I venture out with a meat-feast, 12" or otherwise, had my fill of the 'Twilight Zone'....

There is the advantage also of having a partner to ride pillion Doorstep Doreen will cover your back and get you out of any tight situations,she will look after your "lean mean delivery machine" whilst it is parked at the kerb,she is also good with a spanner should any repairs need to be carried out on the job,her name originates from her ability to whistle through the letter box to alert customers that she has dumped on their doorstep...

Pete, perhaps Friskie is not the one for you, it sounds as though she's been round the block a few times and has picked up more than an infectious laugh!
I think you should take up Lil's pizza delivery job offer, I can see your 12" meat feast becoming a speciality - it may have to be delivered under plain cover to avoid investigation under the Trades Description Act but as long as you keep your helmet strategically placed you should be OK. You may be required to work long shifts though, depending on the popularity of your wares!

Ah pepperami pete Lil thought that you would like the pizza delivery job to help you get over fifi's deflection,you would meet beautiful women of all ages who would be eager for you to rattle their knockers and make a deposit on their doorstep and your 12"meat feast would awaited and welcomed eagerly with open arms,your shiny red helmet would be a symbol for an upright member of the community and a byword for prompt service at all times. .....
ana Lil admits to being a rather voluptuous junoesque.pocket Venus
The fact that she has a cast in one eye and a squint in the other dosent prevent her from being loveable and doe eyed when the occasion arises,she prides her self on being able to see a problem from both angles,and who is creeping up behind her
Now friskie fanny is an old boiler from the docks,she has long passed her sell by date and comes with a government health warning,do not let her get her hands on your 12" meat feast......

Not sure about the frisky bit ....

She sounds just up your street, Pete!

Oh dear, poor Pete...ask Lil if she can recommend a decent escort agency. We girls will help you to sort through the list of hopefulls. I did hear that Frisky Fannie was on the look out for a tall, dark, handsome man [much like yourself].

Hiya Girls,and Pete,
Just managed to escape from the clutches of my tutor, by putting my hand up and asking to be excused!
The "study" is still in use as a broom cupboard, but I've been offered better accommodation if I agree to stay for another three months - Mrs. G NOT 'appy 'bout that!My dicktion is improving , like also my vocer vuca, vox. - talking like!
Gotta go now. Miss Steely Knickers is coming back!
She's got a heart of ice - fancies "younger" men!!
Byeee.

The complete opposite of Lil, in fact, then!

I've not seen Fifi since that business with immigration...
In answer to your question my dear soop Yes she is ! Small and petite with beautiful doe eyes and...... I could go on but I'm filling up now...

Did you leave her on the station platform, Pete? If so, she's camping in lost property. Do tell me...is she a little firecracker or what...

anagram I only had a 'Brief Encounter' with Lil many months ago....the passage was clear for gramps to become an item with Lil
soop have you seen Fifi??!!

Littlenellie You've been peeping. Pete performed the basic moves...Fifi added to the spectacle with some jaw-dropping aerobics...after which, they appeared to need assistance from the fire brigade. You know how it is when passion gets too hot to handle.

Hope he dosent forget to empty it before putting it back on,but yes it is a multifunctioning helmet,can be used to place a pizza underneath if there is a long journey,like a Swiss army helmet many uses...

...the helmet comes in handy when he needs an urgent wee en route...

soop did they duck and dive at the same time as is synchronised ducking,or was it more indivual attempts with a cojoining in the middle ending in an explosive finale...

Oh definitely gramps ,pete is still pining for his exotic fluff buster,fifi ,I suggested the part time pizza delivery vacancy to help him get over this,and comfort and eat all leftovers at the end of his shift,he also gets to ride a state of the art pop pop bike that does 0-20 mph in 10 minutes ensuring your 12" meat feast is cold limp and soggy by the time it arrives,and a red crash helmet....