How judgmental are you?

Mishap, I live in South East England and can tell you that not only do we have a crucial shortage of affordable rental housing stock there simply wasn't enough before the recent influx, but also increasingly a shortage of school places, so much so that several new schools have been built in my area and still there aren't enough places. This has only happened in past five years or so. We are all influenced by what we experience around us every day and depending on where we live in the country, sometimes our experiences are not the same, irrespective of what the DM does or does not say.

Oh Matson , heres a smile from me

have quite sadly become more insular with age, if i dont like it i wont buy , watch, read or interact with said item. i smile at people, they rarely smile back! but maybe thats just the way we have become. sad x

I don't think it's possible not to have any judgemental feelings. It's programmed into us as we are growing up. The thing is to recognise these knee-jerk reactions and use the intellect to modify them (as other posters have remarked already).

Having said that, I don't think I'm all that judgemental these days. I don't like to demonise people and call them low-life or scum. I don't find it all that difficult to tolerate people with views that are different to my own.

I might dislike some people who I see as being snobbish/selfish or whatever but I don't think that's the same as being judgemental.

Incidentally, I think there is a difference between making a judgement and being judgemental. It is possible to make a judgement in a positive way (I like those shoes) but being judgemental is usually negative (he's scum).

All of the above. There's good and bad judgement, making incorrect assumptions, being prejudiced, and being downright discriminatory and not being aware of it. I don't worry about not liking dodgy newspapers, and I try not to let my prejudices influence me unduly. One thing's for sure - every time I act out my prejudices, they will come back to bite me in the backside further down the line!

My brother and his wife are DM readers and express views that mirror what they read - but not often in front of me now, as I think they realise that I am not comfortable with that. They live in SE England and have views on the influx of immigrants there that are I find difficult (but then I am sitting in my beautiful isolated country cottage so who am I to judge!).

The other side of the coin is that they are kind and caring and would cross the world to help me if I was in a fix. They have been hugely supportive since OH's PD diagnosis and ring all the time to make sure all is well.

Oh yes, matson. I am infinitely more tactful than I was fifty years ago!

do you not find that with age and experience comes the wisdom of sometimes keeping ones views to oneself and the gob firmly shut x

I think we stand corrected, absent, but aren't you being a tad too purist about the use of 'judgemental' which in common usage tends to be used in the sense of having and expressing adverse opinions? Of course, you are correct as one is also correct in using the word 'critical' to mean making a judgement, either positive or negative, based on sound evidence. Getting this through to A-level English students often took some doing!
My Concise Oxford Dictionary acknowledges the common interpretation of 'judgemental' by giving 'condemning' as one of its meanings.

Where are you all coming from? Judgemental doesn't mean prejudice. Every time you go to the butcher and say. "Oh, those lamb chops looks tasty" or you go into a dress shop and say, "I think I look nicer in the blue than the red" you are making a judgement. Every time, you talk about a thoughtless parent who has somehow let their children down and caused them to suffer, you are making a judgement. Every time you say, "That was a really rotten film – I wish we had just stayed at home, you are making a judgement. Surely some of you have done jury duty – did you suggest to the court that you couldn't come to a decision because that would be judgemental. Let's get a grip about this.

Making assumptions and giving into prejudice are different from making a mature and wise judgement (which can still be wrong – but was made with the best of our ability).

Finally, as an example, are you going to accuse me of being "judgemental" when I say that the Nazi party's final solution that involved the deaths of 6 million Jews was so appalling it defies belief?

It's very hard - perhaps impossible - to be completely non-judgemental. We are brought up in a particular environment which is difficult to escape. For example I was brought up in a very anti-Catholic home, school and church. None of us ever met a Catholic until we went to University and it was then that I found that they didn't have horns or a tail. Subsequently many of my friends were Catholics who shared my likes and dislikes and frequently my political leanings. Religion? We could all live and let live. In fact, I have no prejudice nowadays against Catholics but cannot say the same against the Catholic church - or any church for that matter. I could say the same about people whose political views I don't share - get on well with them socially but agree to differ on politics. If they don't like me because of my politics, my humanism or the papers I read, that's their problem.

Yes, it would have been more accurate to have said 'making assumptions about' rather than 'judging', I agree. Even so, we all do it - remember Jasper Carrott and his weekly micky-take of Sun readers? It's human nature to feel more comfortable in the company of people who share our views, but I have been caught out in the past by assumptions I have made which have been proved wrong.

I do have prejudices which I try really hard to challenge myself about ..sometimes tolerance and balance prevail other times I am the person I am prejudiced about and make an uninformed judgement!

I have considered views & life values which i hold dear and that I believe are based on a combination of personal experience, reading and research. These are broadly socialist/atheist/internationalist/republican!! However I know very many people who hold wildly different opinions from me, including family, whom I love and spend time with. I will always argue /promote my point of view and challenge what I see as bigoted and ill thought out opinions. I respect the rights of others to hold opinions different to mine as long as they do not emotionally or physically hurt others.

My DH however is less tolerant than I am and more vociferous in expressing his opinions!!

So people don"t think the daily paper they read influences them ? Has to otherwise wouldn"t read it .

Oh dear I have to admit I am judgemental sometimes. If I know that someone reads the Daily Mail or The Sun on a regular basis then they go down in my estimation and I can't imagine having anything in common with them-

I am not down on benefit scroungers because I feel that if there are a few then that is the price a nation has to pay for paying benefits to the needy. You will never get a benefit system where nobody fiddles and so many gain by living in country which looks after needy people.

Like golden gran I do try not to be judgemental but I know from the reaction of my daughters that I have judged people wrongly in the past, and they tell me off about it! My own mother was very judgemental and we used to laugh about people a lot. She could be very sarcastic and funny with it and that was my background. I have tried to improve since then but not always with success.

Oh, I try, and fail, and try again. I do get angry and frustrated with some things, then question why I feel like that, but sometimes it is all engrained.

Salaciousness is bound to get my hackles up and I do judge those who indulge in it gratuitously.

Not perfect then, but so what?

I guess it depends what you mean by judge, Anagram. If the DM is all they read and they believe every word and reproduce its prejudices in their own lives, then I am sad about that and I think that I probably would not choose to have a close friendship with them. I do have close friends who have very different views on politics and religion from me and we are aware, on both sides, that there are things we never discuss. This does not detract from our friendship. I find sexism, homophobia and racism pretty impossible to accept though and I would avoid people with those views where possible.

I do try to be completely nonjudgmental about people, but it is hard, I think everyone has prejudices hard wired in. Tolerance is the thing, I try to be accepting and tolerant it's not always easy. We are human and all we can do is our best, none of us are perfect. I do a volunteering job, and like Goldengirl have to put personal judgments aside.

But Mamie, by saying that you detest the Daily Mail, are you not judging the people who read it, even though you wouldn't dream of saying that they shouldn't?

Moi aussi - perfectly said, thank you.

Must say I am glad I grew up in a place where all the local children went to the local school- resulting in less stereotyping and class division. When you are schooled and grow up with people of all social classes- it really helps to break those barriers- and helps you to see 'things' from different angles.

But yes, it can be impossible to be tolerant about intolerance

Je suis d'accord Mamie

I think there is a difference between strongly held views / beliefs and prejudice, Kitty. I detest the newspaper in question, but I wouldn't dream of saying that people shouldn't read it.
I don't particularly approve of independent schools (perhaps because I went to one), but I wouldn't dream of saying categorically that anyone (including Labour politicians) should never under any circumstances send their children to them.
If I feel strongly about something I will put my views as eloquently as I can, but I hope that I can disagree with someone's views without them feeling that it constitutes a personal attack.

I have to admit prejudices do seep out from time to time, in the sad Tia case when it was first reported "last seen visiting grandmother" and given her age of 12, I imagined grandmother's age to be late 60s/70s when I found out she was 46 living with ex convicted crack dealer of 37 I did think heavens! Similarly, with Karen Matthews, 7 children by 5 fathers, again I'm afraid I admit to thinking that can't be good for Shannon and her siblings and that's before we found out the truth. I want to hold back about making a judgement about Tia's grandmother because we don't have all the facts.

Yes, but I think we all know (even if only deep down) that it's not really all politicians, any more than it is all benefit recipients who are scroungers etc. etc. Generalisations are not helpful, but do pander to our baser instincts!

I try to be non judgmental but my prejudices do seep out from time to time. Having a bit of a legal background you do learn to put your own prejudices to one side but it's not easy when things get hyped up in newspapers or on TV. It's so easy to get sucked in. Stereotyping is a national past time on occasion eg all politicians fiddle their expenses