crying daughter

Hello angiebaby sorry I canot help with your problem but can understand it, we have 6 yr old GS who has recently started not wanting to go to his dads, fortunately DD had not got any court orders to force DG to go (although we do try to encourage him to go) It must be terribly upsetting for you all.

Yes, it is in the interests of the child to see their father, as long as he can be reliable and put the child's needs at the forefront. Don't know about Bob Geldof starting anything detrimental to children. He comes across as loving and interested in the welfare of his family. If this man is unreliable, perhaps some formal contract could be organised with him. As for nasty texts, your daughter can speak to the police about this, and they will have a word with him. If the behaviour ceases, they tend not to pursue it, but any further problems and he could be prosecuted for harassment.

It sounds awful. Whilst it's in the interest of the child to see it's father, s/he will not be benefitting from the relationship if this state of affairs continues. Would it be possible to discuss this with a mediator? It sounds as if the Courts have been involved with access. I can't imagine the Courts would take kindly to a child being treated in this manner - incredibly stressful all round - and it might be more appropriate for the child to have fixed location visits for a period of time.

And messing about as he is can be passive/aggressive. Dog in the manger stuff - as long as he is unreliable, she can't get a life.
One of the great insights of my life is that women often cry when they are angry. Crying is a response to sadness and loss. There is pressure on girls not to display anger, so we learn to release the tension and frustration through tears. All this weepiness is not good for the children. if she is crying a lot, and the children know it is due to dad, then they will pick up and cry too.
It might help if she could get a bit "mad" instead of "sad".
Weepiness of this kind is not empowering. It dissipates the energy that anger brings.
If she can use a bit of controlled anger to do something that makes her feel a bit more in control that might help the situation.

angiebaby

It never ends does it.

I do agree with you JessM that women are inclined to cry when they are angry.

I also wonder if men get angry when in fact they are actually sad.

I think men do get angry when in fact they are sad petallus. Anger can be a symptom of depression in men that is often missed. Not that anger or depression can be used as an excuse to harm people.

Oh that too. I remember my DSs raging around the house when a dog was dying!

Why oh why do men harrass their x-partners as they do? is it that they like to still have control even though he has remarried I feel so sorry for your girl,I went through this last year with DD and the now x-husband he would text an hour or two before he expected to collect the children and created hell if they where not there it got to the stage that DD could not arrange their week-ends for fear of him going off the deep end if he decided he could see them.All was sorted at mediation it was tough to get what DD wanted but he soon realised he was getting no where in his bulling tactics,he now collects them from me every other week-end and if he is not on time and not contacted to say he is late we go out and he has to wait until the next visit is due.Don't let your DD be intimidated by this man and tell her to report the texts if they get to agressive.

thanks everyone for that its very helpfull,,,,,,h4e bought the kids back next day,,,when he was supposed to have them for the weekend , but he had them for just 24 hours hardly worth it an overnite stay with him,,,but he returned them a day early saying he had to work his regular exscuse,,,but we have since found out he goes motor bike racing. my daughter has been nice to him giving into him with what he wants for long enough,,,she hasnt got a life while he is in it with his access to kids.....i long for the day when he is out of our lives. he doesnt really want to be bothered with the kids , he just enjoys giving my daughter hassle...yes i will certainly get in touch with the law.....but they say its a civil case and dont usually want to get involved. i agree if the kids have a nice father it is lovely whe n 2 people get on even after a divorce...but not this guy.he sent the new wife to collect the kids once my d went mental,,,he is a pig.