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Lost for words....

(85 Posts)
Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 09:41:25

I am feeling very overwhelmed,by the amount of concern and support that soop has been passing to me from my lovely friends,I thought if I slipped quietly away into my "darkness" no one would notice I had slipped away,similar to a really low point last week,we visited a small town or our lovely coast,the car inches from the harbour rails and the lapping high tide,the thoughts of just slipping in and letting the water submerge me and the resulting peace was very very enticing.
You will have guessed from that that the dreaded blackdog has visited me again,it is something that I have fought all my life,but in later years only come to recognise it for what it is,it has many triggers and many faces.I have been on a maintenance dose of antidepressants for about four years,but my GP,decided from latest research that the dose I have been taking has been proven to cause heart problems in the elderly!!(thanks for that doc) so a reduction in dose was suggested,and I feel has left me vulnerable again.
The threads with the "differences" hadn't offended or attacked me in anyway,but in my heightened emotional state don't like discord,although if two people in the street where having a heated discussion I would move away and not listen as with the threads just not look,I think it was more a case of the threads with everyone meeting and not being able,through geography and finances,and family restraints,that bought home to me how much I have come to value you as friends as you are obviously becoming the friends and the family that have been missing from my life for such a long while.....you may have guessed now its me,my new name is an amalgam of the three different surnames in our household...we jokingly use it as our collective family name...I am still very low,but have come back from that very low point....the humour is still there but it is taking all my energy at the moment to slay the enemy...I won't say black dog because I have a lovely blackdog who is snuggling next to me as I write this,so not all black dogs are evil.
As my lovely soophas said many of my friends are fighting the unseen enemy also,so I feel able to open up to you and confirm my empathy with you all,and in turn support you to fight your battles also,but just be very sure I love you all as friends ,and as a surrogate family .
I will still sign myself as Nellie,and please call me Nellie after all what is in a name,...thank you allxxxxxxxxlovenellie

gracesmum Sat 20-Oct-12 17:16:23

an' me? smile

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 17:00:57

Wow have just read all of you on page one again there are so many of you ,kitty mishap,Jane,harri,glass gally,grannylin,moomin,shysal,elegran,gally,notso,learner barrow ,jeni,glass bags,absent,grrrranny,nannaanna,just thank you allxxxxxx

soop Sat 20-Oct-12 16:59:24

We're with you in spirit. flowers

And now, I really do have to get a move on. Today has been happy. I shall raise a G&T [with lime and ice] to you all at six sharp.
moon smile

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 16:54:36

marelli and Ariadne thank you also,and I am sure I haven't thanked everyone ,if I haven't I am so sorry the good wishes are meaning so much to me,I would hate to have left any one out,*gracesmum,Tanith,when,*right now just wish I could have you all in one room and say thank you to you allxxxxxx

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 16:53:41

Maybe Contessa Smoluski?

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 16:43:56

pogsgrin
ella,anno,number,merlot thank you,and ella ,thank you for the elevation up the ranks as nobility.....think silk purse and sows ear come to mindxxxxx

Marelli Sat 20-Oct-12 16:43:11

Nellie my dear - I was horrified when you seemed to disappear into the wide blue yonder! Thank goodness that you kept in touch with soop. flowers for you, soop.
There are so many of us who might just have an idea of how you've been feeling, and there's nothing much that can be said to make you feel better, other than we're all here for you to talk to if you feel that you can.
I've been ducking out of the discordant threads, and just looked for more sociable ones. It's settled again now, thankfully.
Love and hugs, Nellie. xxxxx

Ariadne Sat 20-Oct-12 16:36:20

Dear Nellie so happy to see you back! grin ((((hugs)))) xxxxx

POGS Sat 20-Oct-12 16:31:01

Nellie

If you do tie him up on an electric fence to pee, make sure YOU are wearing rubber wellies.

Safer by far to just put a muzzle on him. wink

soop Sat 20-Oct-12 16:28:15

Like it, Ella grin

Ella46 Sat 20-Oct-12 16:23:52

Nellie it is lovely to have you back and I hope your GP will get you back on top of everything soon.
I too understand how you've been feeling, and I hope you will let us support you whenever you may need us.

I think you should have a title....Countess Smoluski sounds just right! grin

merlotgran Sat 20-Oct-12 16:21:21

Good to have you back, Nellie wine

numberplease Sat 20-Oct-12 16:09:03

Welcome back Nellie, you were greatly missed xx

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 15:58:39

Even better, nellie-Smoluski....

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 15:53:51

Train him to pee up an electric fence..

Mamie Sat 20-Oct-12 15:45:40

Good to see you back; the friendship on Gransnet is much stronger than the occasional disagreements.

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 15:35:56

Great idea, nellie! Just be sure he doesn't know his way home.

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 15:31:24

Wish I could take it for a walk and leave it there tied to a tree..

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 15:16:04

Whatever you do, don't feed it! grin

POGS Sat 20-Oct-12 14:30:43

SMOULSKI

Kick the little ankle snapper up the jacksy and he just might do that. smile

Smoluski Sat 20-Oct-12 14:28:50

pogs these lovely messages have certainly if not put the beast back in its kennel have stopped its braying and snapping at my heels hopefully he will b*****r off soon xxxxx

POGS Sat 20-Oct-12 14:22:18

If these messages don't put that black dog back in his kennel for a while Nellie then I don't know what will.

Gramps and Pete will be putting a drink behind the bar I am sure.

flowers

gracesmum Sat 20-Oct-12 12:37:35

{{hug}} and welcome back - nellie/smolusk - very happy to know you are back in the fold - and if it is any consolation, others have found the discord very upsetting too and there's 1 or 2 have considered cashing in their GN chips. However, one has to take the rough with the smooth and the support and caring that has been in evidence more than makes up for any bitching sniping or back biting. Here's hoping the sunshine may return to your life.

janeainsworth Sat 20-Oct-12 12:37:34

So glad you're back nellie sunshine

annodomini Sat 20-Oct-12 12:32:29

Yay!!!