Am I a drudge?

Is she an ardent women's-libber perhaps?

No you're not a drudge, vampirequeen. Your DH works long hours and you appreciate what he's doing. If you're happy getting up at that time, and having a cuppa and a chat with him, why shouldn't you? It's probably the only time you get to have a blether! Take no notice of what your pal thinks!

vq - I'd like to add my voice to those who say you are not a drudge. Good team work, caring and respecting one another is not drudgery. It is valuing each other, along with that often underrated, but important attribute, kindness.

vampirequeen seems as if everyone of us on here agree - why not print this page out and hand it to your young aquaintance..with a 'I threw this out to the wider world' comment. Some have much to learn but maybe she was actually trying to be supportive and sympathic..you will know.

vampierqueen I used to get up at 5 and take my oh to work and on night shift go and pick him up .so your not a drudge.

I think he's got a lovely wife. And I think you've got a lovely husband.

As for the acquaintance, she needs to grow up and learn a bit about reciprocity.

I don't think rights and responsibilities comes into this - you are just showing love!

Not that I'd know

You are definitely NOT a drudge, VQ. Split shifts are exhausting. It's hard to get going again once you have switched off after the morning part of the shift so I'm sure your DH appreciates your back-up. I don't envy you snatching a bit more sleep on the sofa though. That would leave me feeling jet-lagged for the rest of the day.

VQ You are certainly not a drudge! You are showing how much you care and appreciate your husband, and well done to you, it can't be easy getting up at that time.
There's nothing nicer than coming in from a hard day at work, to a warm, welcoming home and someone who loves you.

Lilygran you may have a point! There has been much talk on here lately of people who are very aware of and concerned about their "rights" , but as others have pointed out, with rights come responsibilities.

What a horrible expression! No, you aren't a drudge but a loving and caring wife. I think that a younger person using that expression probably has a stronger sense of her own rights than she does of willingly accepted responsibilities in a relationship.

You're not a drudge Vampirequeen - you care for your husband in a way that makes you both happy. I'm sure many husbands would like to have a wife like you!

vampirequeen Certainly not. Partnerships work best when individuals give and take - not because they feel duty bound to do so, but because they wish to do so. Good for you and good for Mr V.

No, you're not a drudge. You are part of a team. Some people are very scornful of work done in the home. More fool them.

I don't think you are a drudge either. As it happens, I'm younger than my DH and our body clocks run on different times and I only have to walk to work. He now does the vast majority of the cleaning, washing, veg prep., going to the Post Office for me. I'm very grateful that he is so willing to help. He would cook but it is not one of his strengths. It's so lovely to arrive home with a pot of tea waiting and I really appreciate all his help. It seems so strange that roles have been reversed. As long as you are happy to do it I think it's great, so take no notice. You're obviously doing your best in difficult circumstances. I'd loathe to have to travel 60 miles return daily, doing split shifts.

Absolutely not vampirequeen you are one half of a partnership and holding up your end of it, as is your husband. It's another label and an implied criticism. To be honest, it's only between you and your husband. I bet he does some nice things for you too I think it's a generational thing sadly. To my mind, you do whatever it takes to pull your weight in a relationship (she says mounting the ladder, hod in hand!) whilst OH reclines in Virgin Upper Class being massaged

I think one of the most important things in marriage is respect, and part of showing respect is not taking each other for granted. So, you are showing your appreciation of what he does, I expect he also appreciates what you do.

You are certainly no drudge VQ you have my utmost respect as does your DH,mr.g. would find it difficult to fill the hours between your DH's shift pattens but your DH has shown how strong his work ethic is by doing this so it is only expected that he goes off to work with a good cooked breakfast inside him plus it gives the two of you an element of quality time together before your long day apart.

No you are not a drudge! Marriage is a partnership and partners support each other - you are supporting him through what must be a very difficult situation for him.

Not sure I would be able to get up so early myself but if you can then those few minutes you have together first thing in the morning must be lovely.

Having a warm comfortable house and a hot meal waiting for him is again just you upholding your side of the partnership. (and before someone says that marriage should be about love - isn't doing these things for your partner also showing your love)

Hope he is able to find something more suitable nearer home very soon

I love my bed but when my husband was called in in the rubbish hours I always made him strong black coffee -then went back to bed. You are not a drudge but show your appreciation of another person's endeavours- all about attitude

no your not a drudge, althought I wouldnt get up at 4-am. Your husband work's long hour's and I'm sure he appreciate's what you do for him. He is a lucky man.

I don't think you're a drudge either, vampirequeen - that would imply you were being forced to do it. It's entirely your business how much you do for your husband, although I certainly wouldn't get up at that unearthly hour to prepare his breakfast!

Of course you are not a drudge. You are a loving wife, helping your hard-working husband to face his difficult day. I would tell your friend to butt out!

Mind you, I'm not sure everyone's got the same relationship with their bed as I've got.