Invisibility

jodi I struck up an innocent conversation with a female dog walker in the friendly west midlands the other weekend. OMG - in 5 minutes she had "shared" with me a list of family psychiatric problems almost as long as the diagnostic manual devised by the American psychiatric profession. There is such a thing as being too forthcoming. ho hum.

Now I will have to watch all the clips on Youtube - brilliant!

Good piss-take.

Bags it used to be so much worse.....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV8ggl2avcc

With the men who look disappointed to be sitting next to an intelligent middle-aged woman, you play them at their own game, and look disappointed to be sitting next to such an old bore. Works a treat, honest!

crimson

I love that phrase gracesmum though I don't really know what it means either. But say it with enough confidence and it sounds 'cool'.

I'm off now to travel by train to Edinburgh. Am wondering do I want to be invisible or not on the journey. I seem to attract the wrong sort of people to sit next to me eg the perfectly normal looking woman who strikes up a conversation but then after ten minutes confides she's been abducted by aliens or her next door neighbour has bugged her TV set and is watching her every move (both have actually happened).

Or, even worse, the family from hell, Wayne and Waynetta and baby

Yes; it's odd how they are quite happy to sit next to a mindless beauty rather than an intelligent, witty lady of a certain age. Last night I went to see a band and, having had a long day at work and sufering with a stinker of a cold I couldn't be bothered with making myself look human. Tried on a t shirt and the girl selling them said 'please don't get any make up on it' to which I repilied that I hadn't bothered with make up that day, as I went to work saying 'if I'm going to feel c**p I might as look c**p as well'. Anyways, I stood behing a young guy with cheekbones to die for; I couldn't take my eyes off his cheekbones. I was so worried that he could sense me gazing at him [as you do]. It was the first time in many years [decades even] that I remembered what it was like to see someone for the first time and fancy them like crazy. I suppose I was reassured by the fact that I looked like a bag lady and was therefore quite invisible . I tell you who he reminded me of; Alex from Franz Ferdinand crossed with Nureyev. [sigh]...

Dorsetpennt - my point exactly. An acquaintance once said to me years and years ago, that there is nothing dents your confidence as much as the disappointed look on a man's face when he turns to her at a dinner party and sees a middle-aged woman. [ouch] emoticon

Well done jodi!! Way to go!! (whatever that phrase means )

I played badminton, at a club, in a leisure centre. Most of the male players I only ever saw in shorts and sport tops, I had a big problem if I met these men outside of the leisure centre. Once they had reminded me who they were and where I knew them from my usual answer was " sorry I didn't recognise you with your clothes on "

Years ago the Sunday Times did an article on how in time women become invisible. I roughly remember the details: women are visible to all between 18 years to 35, between 35 to 45 they begin to fade [it depends on how well turned out the woman is], 45 to 55 they fade rapidly to men but still visible to women. Over 55 invisible to all men but fading rapidly to women. By 65 women have disappeared entirely.

I think you're right about that, jane. I'm remembering a friend of mine who used to refer to "the Tesco clones"! Very naughty of her but one knew exactly what she meant!

The not paying till you 'get a contact' is effective even with clones though.

Bags re supermarket check-out assistants- I think it very much depends what sort of supermarket you go to.
I patronise either the medium sized Co-op within walking distance of our house, where some of the staff have worked for many years and seem to know all the customers and even the young ones are pleasant and friendly, or the nearby small Waitrose where the staff have evidently all done customer service training and on occasion engage their customers perhaps too much - there is one gentleman in particular whose till I avoid if I am in a hurry. The last time he served me I got embroiled in a long conversation about the beautiful works of art he had seen in Hardwick Hall in Derbyshire
I don't like to make generalisations but on the rare occasions I go to the enormous Tesco a few miles away, it is not the same 'shopping experience' at all - which is one reason I don't go there.
I am 5'8'' tall, and was very self-conscious about my height when I was young, and wish I could shrink or become invisible. Now though it is quite useful to tower above people sometimes

harri I think you are right, we tend to only see people in their usual place or clothing. Many years ago I used to see a woman at the gym and thought I recognised her but couldn't remember where from. When I went to parents afternoon at my son's school there she was, one of his teachers. She had been looking at me in exactly the same way wondering who I was! My son was so embarrassed that his teacher and mum went to the same gym!

Greatnan I agree with you about seeing other more senior (and much better paid) people doing jobs you know you could do better. I think we have all been in that situation.

A classic Baubles - took a while for his brain to join the dots.
And many of us have probably done things like greeting the doctors receptionist as a long lost friend in Sainsbury's.
I met someone the other week whose face was incredibly familiar and she recognised me. Eventually we worked out that we had worked in the same building 10 years ago.

Good for you, jodi! I was just thinking that the way not to be invisible is to speak up if something annoys/bothers/pleases you. It's all very well to complain, for instance, that checkout girls don't see you, but just think what a mind numbingly boring job it is and you might have some sympathy, and then 'engage' their attention, either by speaking to them or by doing something that they will notice, such as not paying until they've looked you in the eye.

It is an age thing but not our age ... I am visible to people my own age, to children and to other dog walkers. I am invisible to young checkout girls at Tesco, young bar staff and anyone on a mobile.

The other day I opened the door to let myself in to the local Boots and a young man on a mobile tried to push through. It made me so cross I stood my ground, one hand still on the door blocking his way and informed him 'it may come as a surprise to you but I am not holding the door open for YOU'. He stepped aside looking astonished and apologised profusely, then held the door so I could go in.

Perhaps next time he'll think before he barges.

Harrigran your comment about not knowing people out of context reminded me of a similar incident. Years ago my father had come over to Scotland to visit his aged mother and afterwards went on to visit my brother who lived in England. My mother, missing my dad, who had been away for several weeks, decided to surprise him by arranging to join him at my brother's house. Brother collected mother at airport and took her back to his house. Mother walked in on dad, who, engrossed in his crossword, looked at her with a blank expression on his face. A good few minutes later recognition dawned. He admitted that he had been thinking 'I know that woman's face'. He had been married to said woman for over forty years at the time!

That must be a problem to live with harri and it just goes to show that we should not always take it personally if someone fails to recognise us.
It also means you can't play "Casualty" when watching TV When watching TV you have to recognise an actor and remember what else you have seen them in. At one time the answer always seemed to be "Casualty" (if it was American the answer often seemed to be ER). I have a niece who would always win this game, getting to the answer in record speed.
Nice hat bags but not sure I believe the quiet bit.
This is a fantastic hat isn't it.
http://www.fabhatrix.com/shop/glengarry/
But hats are not for everyone. Helps if you have a small head is my theory.
Terry Pratchett is a bit of a hat wearing icon isn't he. Bet he has got quite a collection.

That is a great hat, bags - very 'you'.

I have that condition where you do not recognise faces if the person is out of place or context, I have even walked past DH. I have had to admit to people that I did not remember them but when told their name I could recall knowing them.

My aunt, barely five foot in her prime, and a lot less as she grew older, and in old age with a sweet old lady expression was never overlooked. She had been Senior Nursing Tutor at a big London Hospital and had a reputation for being a bit of a martinet. Anyone who tried to overlook her got the same hard stare and clipped remark that had brough to heel many a student nurse who overstepped the mark and it worked. I aspire to have the same presence as I get older.

I know that shop too, Bags - a lovely place! I have never seen a hat shop like that around here.

I absolutely love it, too! I could actually see myself in that hat!