Unfair

Hmm. I belong to two organisations that would ask the same question that jo asked, though possibly with slightly different words – the essential meaning would remain the same: if you're not enjoying this/are finding things uncomfortable, why are you still here? One is the Scout Association and one is Rotary. Both very respectable in their own ways. I don,t think there's anything wrong with the question at all. It seems a sensible thing to ask oneself, or to be asked, in the circumstances.

"cheeky-but-fun self,"

How bloody patronising is that!

Ditto Whenim. Although it might be longer than a few days.

I'll join you in not being here, I think, when

Dipped in once or twice..thought 'bugger it'.....see you in a few days

JO I did not like what you said to nanapug there. That is not your usual cheeky-but-fun self, it was just a nasty dig. How the blazes can the forum stay inclusive when someone says that to someone else? and replying "Sorry, but it was just an obvious question! " does NOT absolve you from saying it.

If it worked like that, then torturing and killing another person would be OK if you followed it up by saying "Sorry, but it seemed a good idea at the time?"

Slow down, READ what you have written before you post it.

You have certainly not spoilt my Sunday "JO7". I would not allow such a thing to ruin my day. Thank you for your apology.

Sorry if I've spoiled your Sunday. Really.

To you "JO7" maybe....

Sorry, but it was just an obvious question!

Because "JO7", on the whole I enjoy it, and how dare you speak to me like that. Who do you think you are? GNHQ if you wish to delete me that will be fine. I am appalled. I can not believe that someone thinks it is ok to behave in that manner. You have just proved the point that so many lovely, kind, caring people on here have been trying to make.

Well said Elegran. Stay and stand up for yourselves, you will be surprised at how much support you get if you do.

If everyone left when it became uncomfortable, or when they were treated more roughly than they liked, then there would soon be no-one left but the gladiators and the lions. If they stay and keep posting the overall tone of the place will stay representative of the vast majority of members.

Is it patronising to tell someone what they have already said in their own post as if you are telling them something they didn't know?

Quote Nanapug "This is becoming a very uncomfortable place to be".

WTF are you still doing here then? Why?!!

This is getting like the school i worked in ,the naughty kids got off with things they did or said ,the nice kids where punished

I would say, I like absent's posts and would miss her if she didn't post.

Perhaps I didn't put it too well phoenix. What I mean is, Geraldine et al are women like the rest of us and are bound to feel more of a rapport with some posters than with others. Perhaps that's why ab some posters get away with murder.

And I do think Gransnet as a whole is aimed at the middle classes.

Movedalot Anyone can report a post to GNHQ. If they consider that the post offends against GN guidelines, they will delete it, regardless of the length of membership of the poster. They will also delete a post that they have noticed is offending against GN guidelines.

Patronising is probably not against GNHQ guidelines as there are many examples of such posts still extant. Personal abuse, however is. Obviously, different people have different ideas about what constitutes abuse. You, of all, people, would not regard simple soul as abusive, for example.

My post that provoked all this quasi hysterical response has now been deleted.

I had no part in the deletion of Sel's post and there is nothing to stop her posting her clarifying words if she wishes to do so.

This is all becoming very boring.

How I hate all this. I think it is wrong that the people who are upset by certain members are the ones to leave and not the perpetrators of the upset. On another forum I am on they have a yellow card system, three strikes and you are off. This is becoming a very uncomfortable place to be. I have some amazing virtual friends from being on here, and other sites but am not prepared to accept the behaviour of some of the members of this forum and so will keep on posting about it until either they or I am booted off. I will not mention names, in principal, as I feel that is not necessary.
When I was trained to give critical feedback to students we were always told to give a positive sandwich. In other words tell them something good, then discuss the less good and finish with something good. It is a philosophy I have tried to follow and find it prevents hurt and upset, but thinking about it, however much we all suggest ways of wording comments I don't think those who think it ok to put others down would take any notice. I am not sure what the way forward is. There are always people who think it ok to offend and be unpleasant in this world and I suppose all we can do is treat them as naughty children, and not give them feedback. In other words, ignore them.....

I think there may be an element of truth in what J07says and wonder if there is also a bias in favour of the members who have been here from the beginning? I support what Kali says too.

I now wish I had reported the comment about dual personalities as I found it very patronising.

Perhaps some posts are deleted because they are reported? Maybe we should all be more vigilant in reporting posts we find offensive rather than walking away from the threads? I have never done so but will in future.

If it had been my decision whether to delete Sel's post I would have waited to see what she had to say when her battery was charged which which would probably have clarified matters. Now she has been effectively silenced.

very

Absent, Cheelu was a member at the time of your post, and still is. I don't think that claiming she wasn't there is much of an excuse. However, as the comment has now been deleted I am happy to let this drop.

JessM the reason I started this thread was to gauge the opinion of other members in an open manner. I would have thought it was obvious

Pish!

Absent I too am going to say it as it is and risk getting my post deleted. Whether or not Mey and Cheelu are the same person does not matter. What does matter is if you thought they were. In which case your words were provocative and unnecessary. In either case we do not talk about people behind their backs.
Secondly, if someone has an unfortunate experience on GN I can perfectly understand them wanting to return in a new guise for a fresh start. And under those circumstances they may not want to be outed. Just because someone is not currently posting does not mean they have left GN either. Someone earlier said both are still reachable by PM.
Finally, how would you feel if we started to speculate that you had another identity?
Many of us enjoy a good discussion on GN. We enjoy the cut and thrust and differences of opinion. But there is a world of difference between a good debate and petty quarrelling.