My friend is about to start chemo.......

From reading all these lovely, thoughtful suggestions, I realise how many friends and family are going through this with their loved ones. It's tough being the one who can't do enough to help, wondering whether there's something else you could have, shoud have, done. Look after yourself, too, kitty. Your friend will occasionally need your strength.

Thank you all so many good ideas. when (((hugs))).

She has been in a frenzy of cooking and freezing since she found out that her treatment starts soon. My default 'help' position is to provide food but her husband's health is such that I would run the risk of making him ill. I imagine he will need lots of support - he is a big, macho looking man but the type who could crumble easily.

I guess our regular lunch dates are on hold for a while but we can still have gossipy chats and cups of tea

My cousin, in her 80s, had chemo for non-hodgkins a couple of years ago She carried on living independently and working (writing) throughout her chemo . She seems to have made a complete recovery including a new and flattering hair style.
Chemo is not always completely debilitating these days. In my experience having cancer treatment can be a bit lonely because other people are upset and frightened and do not behave normally. I just went to visit my cousin and rang her up .
If chemo involves a day hanging around in the hospital with infusion, then company or something gripping to read might be appreciated.
If you have a cold keeping away is important.
Food offerings should only be of the most hygienic variety as can be much more susceptible to upsets.

Just be at hand, if and when u can. Listen. Always answer the phone to them. We plumped up her I pad with great tunes for the sessions and talking book and radio 4 pods. Looked for and bought some great headscarfs.Made some fave foods n stocked the freezer.Trashy magazines bought. Learn the ins n outs of treatment. Listen again.Bed socks for her cold feet.Memory foam pillow was a hit. Upbeat and sunny visits. She loves stationary, bought a diary n pen to record her thoughts.pick up a prescription.Listen.

Sometimes you can help in the most unexpected way. Years ago DH had a fishing friend who was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I didn't know the family but heard on the grapevine that his wife was struggling to cope with their young daughter's pony which was a bit of a handful. DD and I collected the pony and looked after it until their family life got back to normal.

when's given quite a comprehensive answer borne from her own recent experience. I just know that if one of my closest friends was going through chemo I'd want to get together with other people who love her and share the load and the ups and downs together. ((((hug)))) for when it gets tough for you too.

I appreciated:
texts and cards so that if I felt unwell I could read messages later.
People remembering to ask after both of us as my partner had a heavy load to bear while I was undergoing treatment,
Unexpected flowers
A pair of purple striped tights and a CD of gypsy punk so that I ' could dance on the days when I felt good'
Warm socks for the times chemo leaves you feeling so cold
Speaking books for the days ( and nights) I couldn't read
Friends who did not forget me and who travelled on the journey with me just doing what felt ok at the time.

I wish you and your friend well as you journey together.

Kitty

Lovely ideas from Whenim that cannot be beaten.

My friend liked silly things I took her. Lypsol, a writing pad, envelopes and stamps. A cool bag with ice cubes in for refreshing drinks. She borrowed my grabber for if and when she dropped something. I took a pretty patterned soft feather cushion for her back, she loved it. Soup in a flask was a favourite as she wanted to eat when she felt like eating, not when it was served up. She borrowed my portable DVD player whilst in hospital and we recorded her favourite TV Programmes which she chose from the TV Mag. Very difficult time and some people fair better than others.

To you both.

I valued the phone calls with friends who were happy just to chat, the drop ins for a coffee (but not too drawn out) and the offers of help if I needed it. I felt so awful that I couldn't have cooed with people around too much, but knowing they were there and on call was wonderful.

Reddevil that was a selection of things we did between us over the course of a few months of interrupted chemo. My sister really appreciated us showing how much we cared, but what counted most was being there to go through it with her. We had quite a few laughs and funny moments, too

whenim64- you sound like an amazing friend to have.

I think we can only tell someone that we are thinking of them and find something that we can contribute according to our individual skills.

When my friend was in this situation I took charge of all her benefits applications, and represented her in her attempts to get her occupational pension - these were my areas of expertise at the time, so I was able to offer those. It was one less thing for her to worry about.

I am sure there is something that you are interested in/good at that you could contribute to the support.

Some things my sister and BIL appreciated were sitting with her so she wasn't alone when he went out for shopping and other errands, picking up chemo meds from the pharmacy to save them waiting around at the hospital after her treatment (hospital pharmacies always took hours to sort out meds), make a selection of favourite music for the iPod, bring books or load up the Kindle with a selection for her, send late night texts to say you're thinking about her if she struggles to get to sleep, do her nails, massage her hands and arms with luxury creams and oils, give her a pedicure/reflexology, collect mementoes and print off articles or pictures of places and people that remind you both of happy times, write or find funny poems, knit her a cosy bed jacket, seek out recipes of meals she might enjoy, or bring a home-made meal for them, find information for them on the internet (Macmillan and NHS have lots of good pages - they might be too busy or tired whilst she's on chemo), help to keep friends informed of progress - the phone can be going constantly which can disturb rest. Offer to cut the grass or do a bit of weeding if the garden looks like it needs it. Offer to iron nighties or PJs, if she needs to lounge around in them. It all depends how she copes with her treatment. Offering to visit at a regular time they can depend on could be helpful. Anything to boost morale, help her keep cheerful.

Hope it goes well for them

Hi, when a friend was going through chemo. a group of us ( 5) started a 'sewing group' She is keen on crafts so we met monthly (could have been more often) and decided to make cushion covers, then pennants for the olympians and finally embroidered/appliqued squares to make a hanging. We actually just met and either went out for a meal/had a take away or we each took some food to share and talked about how far we had got with our sewing for five minutes and then the conversation flowed naturally! We never actually sewed anything at the get togethers. It gave our friend something to do when not up to going out and about and meant that we had reason to keep regular contact with her. You might be able to adapt to m.atch your friends interest/s

kitty, One of my best friends had chemo for non Hodgkins Lymphoma about twenty years ago. Her mother in law dropped the bombshell when we bumped into eachother in the supermarket. I just jumped in the car and went straight round to give her a hug. She hadn't told me because she was finding it hard to come to terms with as her children were very small and she thought she wouldn't see them grow up. I had a feeling my offers of help wouldn't be needed as she had excellent family back-up so just say and do what you feel is right at the time. Your friend will be glad of your concern and support.

My friend is now looking forward to the birth of her first grandchild.

When BIL was having chemo the best help we could offer was lifts to and from the clinic. This let the immediate family get on with their work/lives without umpteen day time 60 mile round trips. BIL thought he would drive himself but found that he felt pretty ropey after treatments.