15 months for Stuart Hall

bernadette I'm sorry to hear you are still going through the turmoil of remembering what happened to your daughter all those years ago. It was the perpetrator who harmed her, not you, and it's sad to think you are feeling guilt, presumably for not knowing so you could have taken steps to protect her. The counselling you are seeking is available through the channels Iam64 has suggested. Also, there are support groups for the parents of abused children - ask your local Social Services Dept for contact details. You might not necessarily want to join a group, but there will be people that can support you, who understand and have learned to cope, putting these distressing memories somewhere where they aren't going to be as raw and hurtful as they appear to be for you at present. It can be gratifying to see sexual abusers brought to justice many years later because they weren't prosecuted at the time - that means there have been many, many parents in your position, who heard about what happened afterwards and put the wishes of their children first, as you did, but you have no need to feel guilty. It sounds like you acted in the best way you could at the time. Hard to live with, but you can learn how to come to terms with it.

As Iam64 has mentioned, if this person is still around, it's important that they don't harm more children.

bernadette76 I empathise with the situation in which you find yourself. The constant media attention to the area of chid sexual abuse and exploitation will be causing great emotional distress to individuals who experienced it as well as to their loved ones. Statutory and voluntary support services are stretched and facing further cuts.

The NSPCC and Bernardo's have some good therapeutic services. Your GP could refer you to psychological services where there will be experience and expertise. "Counselling" can be great, but as you found, a lot depends on the skill and experience of the counsellor and the level of trust established.

I don't want to add to your distress but is the perpetrator still in a position to abuse?

With all the recent revelations of passed child abuse cases I have never seen any reference to the parents of these children who will be grown ups now, some of whom may well be grandparents. Our daughter was in her 40's when she disclosed to us that a family member had abused her throughout her childhood.Now that we are in our 70's each new headline recalls the horror of her story which, after telling us, was buried within the family at her insistence. But it is a nightmare continually revisited & seemingly without a resolution. Last year, in desperation we tried a counsellor to help with our guilt but although she claimed to be experienced in this field it was clearly not the case. There must be hundreds of people like us out there but no services for them that I can find.

Perhaps not the worst tammy but I know what you mean. When we were in Dubai, India, St Lucia, Grenada, Maldives etc on holiday it is so different. You can talk to the local children and you see other adults helping them with all sorts of things but I would be reluctant to touch a child I don't know here unless the circumstances were extreme.

Possibily the worst part of this type of crime is that it stopped men from being able to form relationships with young children.When I was very young I had a great rapport with my granddads.I was taught how to live off the land,as they were both brought up in the country and knew all the things you could eat and how to catch rabbits and fish came in handy during rationing!!Those were good days!!!!!

quite!

And I would be happy to see the offenders in the middle of it Nfk

What a mine field!

I agree that there is a very real difference between a chancer on a crowded tube 'copping a feel' and a regular assault from an 'uncle'. But in terms of illegal and inappropriate behaviour they are one and the same but judgement takes account of circumstances. If it had been my Grandaughter he had assaulted I would be unhappy that her distress and the long term impact of the assault resulted in a short sentence.

Just heard an incisive comment on The Wright Stuff phone in. People are saying 'oh, poor old man - he's 83, his age should be taken into account.' Well, the age of a 9 year old wasn't taken into account when he abused her, so why should his age be considered?'

I agree. The difficulty lies in convincing a judge of that......

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly Nightowl. I didn't include them because my post would have turned into an essay! One memorable couple, in their sixties, used to come in for reviews together. As soon as he started speaking for himself, she would fish out a toffee and pop it in his mouth! Then, she would cry and tell us we were obsessed with sex - 'what is WRONG with you people?' Needless to say, all our good work was undone as soon as he went home.

The families who deny anything was done, he wasn't even on the same planet when somebody else did this, are as worrying as those who contain several sex offenders and indoctrinate each new family member into sexual abuse. It's like wading through treacle. A good argument for removing newborns to care before the harm starts again.

Im sure you will agree When that there are also many other families who simply deny that husband/ dad/ grandad is guilty, even when he has pleaded guilty (he did so on the advice of his solicitor, or for some other spurious reason ).

I understand that it is difficult to believe that someone you have loved, lived with for years, grown up with etc could be guilty of such unspeakable things, but these families are the ones that present the greatest challenge for professionals to work with. They are the ones who will not work with social workers, who tell us 'you should be out there protecting the children who really are being abused' and accuse us of persecuting them. Worst of all, they are the families who will not/ cannot protect any future children from abuse and we often have to stand by helplessly trying to put in place what few safeguards we can.

Nfk I have seen a range of responses, from the constructive 'we love you, but hate what you did, and will support you as long as you deal with this' to 'get out of our lives, we never want to see you again as long as we live.' Families and supportive friends who understand what they did can be incredibly helpful, because they don't accept excuses and will alert police and probation officers if they become suspicious.

Unfortunately, these helpful families are few and far between, and tend to crumble under the strain. Most don't want to discuss it. It would be better for society if families and friends could find it in them to support and monitor sex offenders, and only socialise with children when the offender is not there, but this often ignores the needs of the victims of abuse.

Where abuse has happened within the family, knowing that dad, uncle or grandad is back in the bosom of the family is hurtful and squeezes them out of their source of support. Imagine an abused grandchild visiting grandma when abusive grandfather has gone out to allow them time together, and there are signs of his presence all over the house. Or, on mum's birthday, seeing the card from both grandparents on the mantelpiece, reminding the child he still has indirect contact even if they don't want it.

Social services will do sensitive family reintegration work, but it doesn't repair things or take away memories, and most sex offenders get rejected or have to live separately after attempting to fit back into the family.

I agree Greatnan, from the sheer volume of such lenient sentences handed out to child abusers and the long standing cover-up ( all athe Beeb knew about Saville for example) one could be led to believe that such abuse is seen as acceptable by certain social circles...

Speaking of family When, how exactly does one deal with the shock of finding out that your father/husband, who you've supported through thick and thin through all the media attention has done these appalling things?

Apparently two out of three people convicted of possession of child pornography are not given a custodial sentence. Speaks volumes about the judges, I think.

His sentence should be increased. As it stands, he will only service approximately 2 weeks for each of the offences he has admitted to. That's not justice being seen to be done.

Why should victims of childhood sexual abuse not be compensated in some way for the harm done to them? If he'd broken one of their limbs we wouldn't quibble. Hall has been busy transferring his assets to family because he expects to be sued. If I was a member of his family, I wouldn't want any part of it.

The sentencing guidelines advise two years for indecent assault as a starting point, so there is some surprise that the convictions weren't based on two years times the number of indecent assault convictions to run concurrent.

Do we know if any of his victims have been compensated? He has pleaded guilty, so the verdict did not depend on unsubstantiated claims made in the hope of financial gain. I think people whose lives have been blighted by sexual abuse are entitled to some damages.

The case is being reviewed to see IF the sentence is too lenient. I hope we don't get another politically motivated decision.

He will probably die in prison anyway.

I think it is right and proper that abuse cases are brought to light and dealt with but I would feel happier if large sums of money were not involved in compensation claims.

I saw that ... That's good news, isn't it!

Just on the ten o'clock news - the case is being referred because the sentence is unduly lenient for the indecent assaults he is convicted of.

Point taken but I'm referring to what I've read, not what he's said in his own defence. I know what feelings such events create and how those feelings can set up certain lifelong behaviours in the victims so I'm not trying to make light of these offences. Hopefully SHs victims will find some peace and a sense of closure now.