There was a young lady from . . .

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgeons
And masculine urgeons
And swarms with erotic effex

As my mother would have said - A dirty mind is a constant joy! And to think our children let us loose with their children

To his bride said the lynx-eyed detective
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has you east tit the least bit
The best of the west tit
Or is it a trick of perspective?"

There was a young girl in the choir
Whose voice rose up hoir and hoir
Till it reached such a height
It was clear out of sight,
And they found it next day on the spoir.

There was a young lady of Spain
Who liked a bit now and again
And again and again.
And again and again
And again and again and again.

A far right wing pollie from Oz
Said make me your PM because
Rupert Murdoch says do it
Though you will live to rue it
And long for the time that once was.

Here is a nice clean one for the GC

There was an old man who said Well
Will nobody answer this bell
I have rung day and night
'Til my hair has turned white
But nobody,nobody,nobody, nobody ,nobody answers the bell

There was a young girl who begat
Three brats named Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding
When she found she'd no Tit for Tat.

While texting my lover by mobile
Our messages tend towards volatile,
With language exotic
And sometimes erotic
Even Will Shakespeare would smile.

Volcanoes like Etna and Vesuvius
Contain material hot and effluvious,
When dormancy ceases
And pressure increases
Then watch out below, it's voluminous!

Just as desserts contain some oasis
Undoubtedly lust has it places,
Our thirst we assuage
Then it's back to the rage,
Quickly wiping the egg from our faces.

Really enjoying them too, Penstemmon! A little light relief!

I am enjoying these limericks.. harmless fun and no arguments as on some of the threads.

Mishap you are a one

Previous apparently barmy post is caused by the fact that asterisks are not appearing in my posts, in spite of being there in the preview. I am sure you will be able to understand the limerick without them!!

And here's another to cheer you on your way.....

There was a young plumber of Leigh
Was plumbing a maid by the sea
Said the maid "Cease your plumbing"
I think someone's coming"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

That should of course have read

Oh Gransnet you really can't beat it
Though discussions can sometimes get heated
And if you have the pluck
To use the word
You may find HQ will delete it!

There was a young lady from Olney,
Who rode down the street on a pony
Said she with some fear
"Gosh! I'm sore on my rear,
This pony is certainly bony!"

The breasts of a barmaid of Crail
Were tattooed with the price of Brown Ale,
While on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.

There was a young lady from Wantage
Of whom the Town clerk took advantage.
Said the borough surveyor:
"Indeed you must pay'er,
You've totally altered her frontage."

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Thought babies came only from God.
It was not the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger, the sod!

There is one There was a young lady from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
A bunch of grass grow out her a---
And her ---- was covered in weeds.W

I was taught this from in my class when we were learning limericks

There was a young lady from Beaulieu
Who always worried undeaulieu
She asked "Is it better
To finish a letter
With 'Faithfully Yours' or 'Yours treaulieu'?"

There was a young fellow named Lancelot
Whom his neighbours all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot

A mosquito was heard to complain
The scientists had poisoned his brain
The cause of his sorrow
was Para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloro-ethane

(That's DDT)

There was a young man of Utrecht
Whose approach was both crude and direct
To a girl he would say
“Are you good for a lay?”
(He did better than one might expect).

There was a young girl from Thermopylae
Who dressed so exceedingly slopylae
There was no way of tracing
Which way she was facing
Except by behaving impropylae.

I thought the subtle and erudite word play might redeem it - but apparently not!

There once was a fellow McSweeny.
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth.
He added vermouth.
And slipped his girl a martini.