Gransnet forums


4 weeks on.

(12 Posts)
Grandmanorm Sat 28-Sep-13 12:20:14

4 weeks on and I am still doing the late afternoon and evening dressings. No, I am not complaining, just a bit fed up that all is not going as smoothly as was hoped.
Daughter flew back to Sydney yesterday so I am feeling a bit sad.
I know I am lucky to have such a caring family and I do appreciate that, but sometimes it is just overwhelming that they are all so far away, especially at difficult times like this.
Sorry to moan.

kittylester Sat 28-Sep-13 12:22:05

Grandmanorm, it must be very wearing for you especially now your family have all gone. Please have a big (((hug))) and brewcupcake

gracesmum Sat 28-Sep-13 12:50:13

People do not always realise how wearing ongoing care can be. They are full of admiration when we rise to a crisis -where usually the adrenalin gets us through, but then it goes on....and on and that optimism you started with is beginning to take a battering. You have my every sympathy and a big hug. I hope you are not entirely on your own because you do need to recharge your own batteries and have a life away from nursing. Good luck! flowers

Tegan Sat 28-Sep-13 13:13:49

I wish the NHS appreciated how much some people care for their loved ones. I know of someone that nursed both parents for years [saving the NHS a fortune in the process] but is now in danger of losing their home as it has two bedrooms angry.

Aka Sat 28-Sep-13 13:34:09

grandmanorm feel able to PM me if you need to vent or just talk. I know what you're going through flowers

Lona Sat 28-Sep-13 17:07:04

Grandmanorm flowers No wonder you're feeling blue, it drags you down after a while.
You will be feeling it more because your dd has gone back, and no wonder!
Sending some ((hugs)) and lots of good wishes, keep coming on here whenever you feel the need. xx

Jendurham Sat 28-Sep-13 23:13:26

Can you not get some help from the care system, Grandmanorm?
I looked after my husband for months and had to give up eventually when it was taking me over an hour to change his pads and wash him and he could no longer help me by rolling over.
After I asked for help, it meant I could spend my time caring for him in better ways than the nursing, although I was still giving him insulin injections and feeding him. Three weeks later he died, but at least those last three weeks were better than they could have been if I had not accepted help. Not that I am suggesting that your husband is going to die. Mine had brain cancer.

Grandmanorm Sun 29-Sep-13 11:54:14

I am so able to cope with the dressings that I don't feel I can ask for help as there are so many folk worse off than I am. Because I can cope, it is presumed that I am fine. My DH is hugely appreciative of what I am doing, and in the greater scheme of things, it isn't really much to change a dressing, even if it is yucky.
It is the fact that it is my DH and not a patient I don't know, and that my family are so far away, that just sometimes gets me really low.
For some reason the district nurse didn't come this week-end. Because I can do what they do, I haven't phoned to ask for help.

Elegran Sun 29-Sep-13 12:22:19

I know how you feel, Grandmanorm. It is not just the physical and practical pressure of changing dressings and so on, there is also the emotional pressure of being responsible for him 24 hours a day. When I was caring for DH there came a time when I longed to have someone else present in the house at night, even if they did not do anything.

When I said this to the family, my son and wife came that night to sleep, and then my daughter flew in next evening to be there with me. She had only been twentyfour hours in the house when he died - I am so glad that I told them how I felt, and that someone was there when I found him.

I know your DH is not in that extreme position, but could the district nurse find someone to give you some support, if it is only for a short time every couple of days? The psychological effect could be far greater than the actual input that they gave.

Jendurham Sun 29-Sep-13 17:41:14

I agree with you, Elegran.

I had someone coming in for two nights a week for the last 3 weeks just so I could get some rest, and I had to sleep/lie down and rest in the spare bedroom, so I would be okay during the day.

When Ken did die, our youngest son was here overnight, because he wanted to be.

I am sure the district nurse should be able to help with a night sitter, or even a day sitter, so you can just relax and not feel completely responsible.

They always used to tell me I knew better than any of them about his diabetes, and nobody else would give him injections. But it's a big responsibility to put on someone who is not trained.

Stansgran Mon 30-Sep-13 13:10:00

Contact age uk to see if they have a local system for sitting with sick people . It varies throughout the country.

Gally Mon 30-Sep-13 13:53:13

PM winging its way to you Grandmanorm flowers