Absence

Do you all remember the case of Suzy Lamplugh years ago who disappeared on a house visit - I think we was an estate agent? I think a lot of women especially became more savvy about leaving contact details when going on house visits after that but we can also be complacent. My SisIL used to have a driver when she did night calls as a GP, partly for safety driving and also for her personal safety. I have had a couple of tumbles (I know, not enough tonic in it) walking Grace last thing at night usually when under stress such as worrying about DH for instance waiting for his heart op 2 1/2 years ago or awaiting "the call" to go and look after DGS when DD was having number 2. I can see the connection. Each time I was able to limp home with a puzzled dog at my heels but I vowed to have my mobile on me another time. My parents lived a 7 hour drive from me in their latter years but had neighbours and abrother and Sis-in law who "looked out" for them and could contact me if there was a problem (there was) but even so, it took a full day to get to them not counting the time to arrange leave from work. I am all for independence, but maybe also for prudence when planning one's retirement - an isolated bungalow on the Costa Geriatrica might not always be the ideal solution!

I am not afraid about walking on my own. In the countryside around our village I tend not to have my mobile phone because reception is so poor, and all the footpaths are well used but when I did voluntary work that took me all around the county and into peoples homes I always left written contact details on a table in the house and always had my mobile phone on my person. I never had a problem so none of my precautions were necessary, but I do think you need to think about what you do and where you go when alone.

There is nothing new about this. When I was working, before mobile phones and living in a town. I would use a network of shortcuts down footpaths between houses and on the towpath of the local canal in the morning to catch my train, but in the evening, even if it was light, I stuck to the roads on the walk back from the station.

Oh Flick,much truth in what you say, but we all have our lives to live.

I'm not as intrepid as Greatnan in my walking, but have had walking holidays alone in Greece. I walk my dogs every day, sometimes I don't see another soul and I love it.

I did have a very unpleasant encounter with a naked man a couple of years ago, when walking in our large local park, I'm careful to always have my mobile with me, and he went off when he saw me dialling 999 and speaking to the (very calming and helpful) policeman at the other end of the phone. My husband then bought me one of those scary noise things that squirts purple over your assailant.

One of my grown up children is currently in Cambodia, and is moving on to Vietnam soon. She's travelling with her partner, which makes it easier for me, but her closest friend is just back from a world tour that lasted over a year, which she did on her own, and with other young people she met up with. That generation are making the most of the opportunities they have, and good for them. The internet means we can keep in touch more easily, but we just had 6 days with no contact as they were out of internet range. Just had to breathe out, and reflect that when I lived 300 miles away from my parents, aged 18, I phoned once a week, from the phone box in the village I lived in.
The fact the Greatnan is such a good communicator meant her family and friends soon realised something was not quite right. Here's praying and thinking positively that she'll be found soon.

When DC were very young, DH's work often took him away from home and uncontactable (before mobile phones and email). I made arrangements that when DH was away I would ring my parents every morning. If they didn't get a reply they would ring me and if by mid afternoon if no contact had been made they would make the 60 mile journey to check on me. That was never necessary.

DD lives alone and since her accident works from home as well. I do worry about her. Her house is quite secluded and the car being on the drive during the working day is normal. However, between email, Facebook and the phone we are in contact almost daily. We would quickly realise if we hadn't heard from her for over 24 hours.

But a life like Greatnan's, alone and so far from family and friends. I often wondered about the safety of her long walks in remote landscape. Accidents happen and if people do not know where you have gone and when you should be back, there are obvious dangers.

At least what has happened to greatnan will mean that we no longer need to feel nosey if we question where somebody is and if they have left because of a disagreement I hope that those 'in the know' will put our minds at rest and not leave us wondering.

Emotions have been running high the last couple of weeks on way or another.

merlotgran you are right about changing names. even though I am fairly new to GN I had to change my name, not to deceive any Gnetters but for personal security

Posters changing their IDs can cause a bit of confusion. I often think someone has left and then wonder if they are actually still with us but using a different name.

Unless we know the poster well there is no way we can tell if they have left, gone away, changed their ID or just decided to lurk for a while.

I was thinking that maybe a quick "Good Morning" on Mick's excellent thread might be as good a way as any. Am I being silly? But now when I don't see a name for a bit I tend to worry - unless I know a GNetter is going to be away.

In our case it's the other way round - we have our recently divorced DD living on her own in Florida and I constantly worry as to whether she is ok. I know we are lucky nowadays with all the technology, but if I don't get an instant reply I'm afraid panic sets in!

I am new on here but, nonetheless, am very concerned about Greatnan and hope she will be located soon. My thoughts are with her loved ones who must be going through hell.

I have to say that, since we moved down here, near DD, I do feel we are safe. We're both Ok right now, but...

But, you know, DD feels the same!

I know we have also had threads on the subject of moving to live near to family or not as opposed to a part of the country which might appeal scenically. I also think (perhaps practically, perhaps depressingly) that I might not want to have too much "splendid isolation "as I grow older. Pluses and minuses it seems.

I also had the same thought today and I think there was a thread started some while ago..about how we would know a poster had gone suddenly without any warning, I'm not sure what the outcome of the thread was I think it was something like digital will or similar,but yes maybe we could have a system of some kind some sort of format or maybe each individual would want their own way of doing things... and yes we can leave passwords etc but also we still want our privacy up to then (not that my daughters would want to see what a waffle on about on GN) I shall certainly give it some thought.

Food for thought indeed when your DCs sound very much like mine especially my youngest DS who will ring up expecting me to be at home and then do the rounds of his siblings asking "where has mum gone & why" same when he was little (poor child),but seriously I have made a list of all my forums and passwords for my DD in case she needs them at any time as mr.glamma is clueless as to whom I speak to or which forums I am a member of.
All of my DCs have keys to my home and the Support Officer who looks in on mr.g if I happen to be away has access to a door key via the "key safe" system and only she and the support company have the code,so we are fine in that respect.
What worries me is that sometimes I take a week off posting etc and maybe 2 if I am busy with my outside catering and no one would think any the wiser.

It's given me a lot of food for thought, gracesmum. I value my independence and have found it amusing to receive a phone call from my adult children after a night out - 'WHERE have you been? I've been phoning you all evening etc.'

As a first step, I will discuss this with my children and we'll work out what would suit us all. They all have keys to my house, and my car electronically communicates with the manufacturers in case of breakdown, so it could be found. I'll be interested to hear what others think about the issue of knowing when to raise the alarm.

In Greatnan's case, she is such a prolific online poster that a day without seeing her comments on Facebook made me wonder and message her daughter, and other Gransnet members noticed, too.