STOP IT NOW!

I've read the whole thread and think I agree with Ruth mostly. I think it is very important for children to give as well as receive and in our family we all give what we want to and it doesn't matter whether one person can afford a lot and another very little. We really do believe that if enough thought is put into choosing a gift it will be obvious.

We love Christmas. DH and I have self imposed limits for each layer of family and we enjoy buying for our grown up children as well as the grandchildren. I love the lack of pressure now we don't have to ensure 5 piles are equal in size, number and (for our own peace of mind) value. We still try to spend roughly the same amount on each of our children and their spouses and on each grandchild but only having to choose one or two presents per couple/child is bliss.

I'm sure I will be thought shallow but I love giving and receiving presents. We have them all under the tree and someone usually DGS1 (because he can read ) is tasked with handing them out. Like NanRuth each present is handed out and opened and exclaimed upon and this process can take hours if everyone is with us for the day. I love the idea of the hander outer wearing a santa hat and will buy one for this year.

This year we will only be 5 for Christmas lunch but Boxing Day lunch will be for 17. Boxing Day in our household, this year at least, is on Saturday 28th.

I too loved Christmas when the children were young, and we had our parents with us - such fun. Unfortunately I don't yet have grandchildren, the older generation have all gone and the family is now very small, so not not the same at all.

I love Christmas. There has to be a happy medium between the stress and unnecessary expense of OTT present buying and not sending cards for any occasion (as one poster proudly claims).

Exchanging Christmas presents with close family is part of the joy of Christmas and teaches children that they should give as well as receive. Our presents from our two grandchildren each Christmas are a hand made calendar featuring photos of them through the past year and a framed photo for our gallery in the hall. They love organising these and we adore receiving them.

If there is a crowd at Christmas we do a secret Santa worth no more than $20. This year there will only be a few of us so we will exchange gifts under $10. The strict limits make us creative or clever and often they are joke presents. Not a smelly or pair of socks to be seen! A fancy certificate promising hours of gardening or babysitting, or a plant grown from a cutting are welcome and cost not a cent. Recycled or hand decorated wrapping and simple tags complete our gift exchanges. We take turns being "Santa", who dons the ceremonial Santa hat, selects gifts from under the tree one by one, reads the tag and ceremoniously presents the recipient with the gift. The recipient thanks the giver/s, opens it and exclaims appropriately. This process is never rushed and the Santa, even when played by a child, does not reach for the next present until it is completed. This affords the proper respect to the exchange and extends the ceremony and suspense for the children deliciously. I think this engenders joy, causes laughter and fun and embodies the spirit of Christmas.

Oh Galen - if anybody in my family is reading this a brand new red mini would be most acceptable !! (and stuff the money limit bath salts!)

Another year he gave her a red diary. It wasn't until the evening that she looked inside and found the itinerary for a much longed for trip to Egypt inscribed on the relevant pages.

Yes! In her key case was the key to a brand new red mini that father and I had concealed in the garage the night before. And that had taken some acting with father pretending to be cross with me as I'd parked in front of the garage so no one could get in and me being to lazy to move my car!

Go gracesmum - I can empathise with the "not to my taste gift" experience as I once shared with you

House of keys Galen?

Yes, yes, yes and yes again!! To everything you have said! I have rantedh before about how OTT Christmas has become (even although I do my best NOT to go even half way to TT) We have all more than enough stuff and althugh I do like smellies of the Jo Malone/Dior/Liz Earle variety especially as they are consumable and therefore don't clutter up the cupboards, I am saddened by gifts obviously bought with love, chosen with care but absolutely not to my taste!!
I was so pleased therefore when DDs 2 and 3 announced last weekend at DGS's birthday that they would like us to do Secret Santa for the grown ups. A brief foray into the Bull Ring in Brum on their way had more than confirmed their horror at the razzmatazz and I think they have also reached a stage in their lives where they no longer depend on us for the new winter coat/slow cooker/pair of boots which were out of their reach as students.
Added into that DD2 and BF have just bought their first house (with a little help towards the deposit and this is taking up any spare pennies and then some. So I am looking forward to choosing one thing with care, love and consultation with partners as to suitability. The disaster in the Philippines was another trigger and so as I have said before, we are not sending cards but insread a cheque to CAFOD for work on the ground.

Dd has had hers - a tumbler dryer!
Ds will get amazon vouchers along his so.

sunseeker my father used to do that sort of thing. I remember one time he sent mother on a treasure hunt through the house with the last clue being ' look in the Manx parliament''

You get 3 guesses

How lovely sunseeker, and you will always treasure that memory, partly because it wasn't the type of thing he did often.

This will be my second Christmas alone since DH died. I know I will get invitations from his family but to be honest I prefer to be on my own.

He wasn't the most imaginative or romantic of men but I do remember one Christmas when he had asked me what I wanted and I had replied "anything with diamonds".. Christmas morning I was presented with a carefully wrapped oblong box, I opened it to find.......a pack of playing cards!! However, when I opened the playing card box inside was a lovely diamond brooch!

We've been through a number of alternatives over the years (donations to charities, secret santas, presents for under 18's only etc) and have ended up with simple gestures, normally something nice in the food category.

It's impossible to find "that something special" now as everything is always available. A bottle of olive oil used to be special.

It's the thought that counts, but who has time to think these days?

GrannyA Yes I also saw that on the job. there is something in some people's mind set about spending money to show you children you love them.
Years ago a colleague of mine had a conversation with a mum who had been reported to SSD for leaving her 13yr old daughter alone every night of the week while mum went out.

Mum's indignant, but very sad response was. "She is not neglected! You should see the stuff she has in her room."
Says it all really.

My turn to rant :-

My problem is people (husband, son, siblings) keep asking me what I want for Christmas.

I say vouchers for Kindle books, vouchers for garden centre, tickets for west end shows, weekends away.

OR what would give me great pleasure is to have spare room cupboard fitted out with shelving/ or garden sorted and me to have a little greenhouse.

DH doesn't want to do these things, so they never happen. He can't seem to accept that that would give me year long pleasure (sad I know)

I don't want any more "possessions" and NO MORE SMELLIES/Photo frames! I never get the things I ask for, just the smellies and other stuff, because they want to give me a proper surprise present to unwrap. I would actually love a beautifully individual silky scarf, or really gorgeous leather bag, but men couldn't choose that for me. It has to be something I see and love.

It IS nice to have something small to open at Christmas, but I am at a loss what to suggest they get me. I am just having a clear out and stashing all the old smellies in a box, will take several years to use what I have. Tearing Hair Out emotion

Seems to me that Christmas without presents is a bit joyless.. but I
agree that it's gone completely over the top these days.
A family that I know well have a good idea. They put everyone's name in
a hat and then just buy one present for that person whose name they have drawn. Everyone ends up with just one gift each. Then they make a donation to an agreed charity with the money they have saved on gifts.
Brilliant!

I too agree.
We've had a children only policy since ours and DH's sisters children were small. Now we've moved on to the next generation and only buy for each others grandchildren. I do still buy for my own grown up children. DS is single and I do feel the need to spend a little more on him as I buy for SiL and of course DD children.
I have never bought for friends at Christmas or birthdays but always send cards. Even to SiL who grew up in a family 'who don't do cards'
We will have a visit from DD and family Christmas morning. Then they will go home for lunch as SiL family are visiting from Germany. It will then be just DH, DS and I. I would invite them all here Boxing Day but they wouldn't want to come. DD's MiL is an odd character to put it politely!

We'll be ten round the table this Christmas, but my son does the planning and cooking - nobody interferes in his kitchen. Only one exception: my veggie son and I do the main veggie course, but that can be done in advance. Dils and two grannies will be forced to sit around drinking. It's a hard life.

When I was a social worker I used to despair of the orgy of present buying that my clients indulged in at Christmas. High cost items such as x-boxes, Playstations etc. were the norm and families would then be in debt for many months afterwards. They found it almost impossible to believe me when I said that my children hadn't got (and wouldn't be getting) such expensive things - and when they were finally convinced they told me that I was mean. I would explain that I preferred my children to be raised in a debt free household and that 'things' could never substitute for my time and affection, but never felt that my stance influenced them in any way.

gillybob . Sounds just like us.

My DH and I always talk about that Christmas when we could fly off to somewhere exotic and be waited on hand and foot. No cooking, No washing up, no keeping everyone happy........ But the truth is even if we could afford to do that we probably wouldn't as I would spend my time missing the children. I am very close to my small family and couldn't really imagine spending Christmas without them. even if they are a pain in the bloody neck most of the time.

I used to find it stressful starting to think in June what to buy for friends who have everything. I then decided to cut out this nonsense so I no longer give presents to friends and I send a cheque to my SiL by marriage as I cannot cope with the number of children. My ex has long gone. I would rather that they had a decent meal than silly presents they neither like nor want.

I can no longer drive in dusk or dark so I spend a very pleasant Christmas day on my own.

One thing I do like about Christmas is the excuse to decorate the house and make it a magical time for GDs who love getting involved with making new things and hanging previous pieces they have made.

I will celebrate anything that cheers us up and is fun,especially at this time of year with darker nights. Did this with my own DDs and now GDs so, we celebrate Halloween, St Andrew's Day, Christmas, New Year and Burn's Night.
Appropriate decorations go up in the kitchen and we have dinner together.

Like yourself greatful we do what works for us and that's what matters.

Like everyone else, I find Christmas expensive but I love the family getting together. We have nibbles around 11, open presents, lunch around 2.30 - 3.00 dog. We've been 17 at times in the past, and I miss the huge get togethers, despite the difficulties involved in squeezing us all in to our small home, the stress involved in remembering not to burn, overcook, or forget to cook the sprouts. Before mum died, and when there were to be 17 of us, I did suggest we pool £10 each for every adult, who could then buy themselves something they wanted. This was instantly vetoed by my mother, who worried I'd be suggesting we buy each other a goat in an african village next. (she did know me well) So, we continue her tradition of getting as many of the family as possible together, for a traditional feast and games. Currently, we have no small children in the family but to compensate, we'll have 5 dogs and 8 adults - swop anyone?