Oh Dear!!!

I've already told the story of going to the wrong funeral

Once, when an unruly pupil was causing mayhem in the class, I said to him, 'I'll talk to you later and have it off with you.' Much hilarity ensued. Of course I meant 'have it OUT!'

Nonu - yes she still served up the sprout tops and I gushed throughout the
meal about how tasty they were! - digging myself in deeper I think.

I might have told this story before! When I was on my Iceland geology trip some years ago one of the men in the group was speculating over dinner about whether we would see the Northern Lights.

What I said was "If you do see them knock me up!" As I heard myself I was cringing.

At least it gave the table a laugh.

Some years ago, at a party, Theseus spotted an old friend who had been living abroad from some years. So he (T) went over, delighted to see him and the pretty young woman with him.

"And this must be your daughter!" said T.

"This is my wife." said old friend grimly. T had missed out on the divorce...

Agus, I did something similar when we had just moved to a completely new area and had been invited to the local Doctors, Dentists and Vets Christmas ball. I didn't know a soul so went to the loo to 'gird my loins', came out, spotted DH and went over and pinched his bottom. Of course it wasn't DH but luckily the poor chap, and his wife, became good friends.

Aka

One year my mother goose successfully hatched out 6 eggs. Soon we were overrun by goslings growing up fast. At a Parents' Evening a few weeks later, while discussing his daughter's progress, I suddenly remembered this father had a smallholding locally. Inspired I leant across the table and uttered this question, i kid you not....
"Do you fancy a little goose?"

Flowerofthe west, this is priceless! LOL best faux pas ever.

Years ago I had a friend who had a very controlling husband, money, food you name it he controlled it. He bought her a racing bike one birthday to 'firm up your thighs'

I was in my home town and noticed her standing talking to some other people, long dark hair, parka -definitely her and holding her racing bike. I crept up behind her, grabbed one thigh in both hands and, rubbing it, said in a 'dirty old man voice' "Lovely pair of thighs" I was mortified when she turned around and it was a complete stranger

After a move I decided not to give my new address to a few people. Unfortunately one of the list tracked me down. Contact was resumed and some time later, over lunch, I 'revealed' what I'd done without remembering that my hostess had been on the list. Trouble was, she did! Things got a bit frosty for a while and I only have myself to blame! Needless to say it's been a while since she's been in touch...

Agus , LOL
X to you , you have obviously for given him !

At an exhibition once, DH and I separated to look at different stands and arranged to meet up at a certain venue. As I approached the venue I spotted DH talking to a couple of other businessmen so I stood just behind him, put my hand on his back and gently rubbed! To my shock, a complete stranger turned round. He was identical to DH from behind, same suit, hair colour etc.
He saw the funny side of what happened and asked me to continue rubbing his back! Unknown to me, DH and a couple of colleagues witnessed this, standing back laughing at myfaux pas.

katy , what was she like ? Should really have kept quiet, I know I would have !
Do you still see them ??????

Me too - Years ago a colleague of DH's asked us to lunch. I didn't know them well and was struggling to think of something to say to our hostess. The subject got round to food and I said 'someone I know grows his own sprouts and cooks and eats sprout tops - how horrible is that'. She said 'actually I am serving those today'. I couldn't wait to get out. I was very young and obviously I now know you can cook and eat sprout tops

I know what you mean.I have done that sort of thing to often to even remember the individual events. My mind wipes itr self clean with embarassment

must explain.....it was the ding ding that inspired him not the venue, he isnt at all cruel