Mentally ill relative.

Thanks lam. I've spoken to his social worker at length today, and she will be carrying out an assessment asap. My mind's at rest a bit, at least.

Mental health assessment is the say to go. The fact so many of us begin to develop anxieties, one of which is often the fear people are stealing from you, is I'm sure one of the ways in which the unscrupulous get away with theft so often. Good luck

Thanks all. I have been with my relative all morning going through his statements with him. I cannot find any unexpected discrepancy. I was all for contacting the police, but my cousin has now changed his view again. He now says that the woman of the couple is "absolutely trustworthy" and that the man, who he claimed was threatening him, was "only joking" .

He does not understand the simple maths of the bank statement. This is a man who is fairly well-educated, so I have to conclude that something else is responsible for his lack of understanding, his changes of mind and his conviction that people are stealing from him, despite evidence to the contrary. I am requesting that he be assessed by the Mental Health team asap.

He has a safe now,at least, so hopefully there will be no more "missing" cash.

Elder abuse is taken seriously by the police these days and your relative's case sounds as if it would come into that category if he is being bullied and physically threatened. The suspicion of theft is a second reason for contacting the police.

The police are taking elder abuse seriously nowadays. You should certainly contact your local police station.

Agreed

I agree with Lona and Soutra...this is a very serious and distressing matter. The police should be informed.

If there has been any form of threat, whether verbal or implied, I think the time for wondering what to do is definitely past. You need to do all the things the others have suggested including the police and hope that SS can take the appropriate action. Would it be possible for you or other relatives to spend a few days with him to see him over the next week or so?

I think you should definitely speak to the police, and at least get their advice.

Thanks again for your advice. Just an update: I have contacted Social Services and they have arranged for my cousin to have a safe, which is a start. At least his cash is secure.

It turns out that there is potential physical abuse as well. My cousin has been threatened by the man and is now too scared, understandably, to resist his attentions. He is living in fear of this couple, but is being more open with me at last.

We have sat down together to study his latest benefit statement. We estimate that around £700 has gone missing -in cash- since last November. There is still no proof, however, to link the couple to the missing money.

The male half of the couple, however, has been able to take two holidays in the Gambia during the last six months or so, despite being a claimant of Pension Credit. I can't help but draw conclusions!

Should I involve the police or do I need something a bit more concrete to go on?

I am afraid that these things do happen and I think that you should talk to the social worker involved - they will be used to dealing with safeguarding matters in relation to people with mental health problems.

As a social worker I once had to deal with a man who was preying on elderly people, ostensibly giving them financial advice (benefits etc.), but charging them for it, when the social worker, CAB, then DHSS etc. could have given all the help for free.

I have also had to deal with money-grabbing relatives on more than one occasion when they were fleecing the elderly people.

One of the ways that crooks get what they want is to make themselves indispensable to the person they are targeting, so just because they are doing a good practical job for him does not mean that they are squeaky clean. Someone with his best interests at heart would be encouraging him to be as independent as possible.

This is so difficult, especially as the couple seem to be doing a good job for him, however, you have to ask yorself WHY they are doing it?It doesn't sound good, does it?A house worth £80k might be worth the bother though.
Once they become invaluable to him it would not take long to get him to maybe change [or make] a will.You can voice your concerns to SS or the police, but I don't they they will do anything at all quite frankly. If he won't listen to you on this matter, at least tell him not to sign anything, and to keep any cash on his person, not lying about.Now, it maybe that they are not out for the inheritance , but find it's just too easy to pick up discarded cash in the house, but if this is the case I think matters may escalate.Aren't there some truly rotten people about?

If your cousin lacks capacity gettingonabit, then you cannot be granted POA, and all decisions about his affairs would have to be determined by the Court of Protection. It is possible that you could be appointed as his deputy. However, a person's capacity has to be assessed in relation to each particular decision - so it is not unusual for people to retain capacity to make some decisions but not others. The best person to advise you about all safeguarding matters is his own Social Worker, who can refer the matter on to a more specialist worker if necessary. Good luck.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and to share your experiences. I am convinced now that something is going on, but I have no firm evidence, and I still feel uncomfortable about virtually accusing this pair of taking advantage of my cousin. My cousin, too, is disingenuous in his dealings with me on the matter, which is making things more difficult to unravel.

I still don't really understand this couple's motives, however. My cousin is not elderly, or wealthy. He has a small house, in fairly poor condition. The value of this house is about £80k. He has inherited some money from his mother, and he has some money himself. Having been on benefits for most of his adult life, he has enough to pay a psychiatrist privately, but is otherwise frugal. He probably has far more than I think, however, as a result of his frugality over the years.

The couple own a far nicer, larger house. They are retired, not well-off apparently, but run a car and go on expensive holidays. They are well-known to our family and the lady used to clean for my mother before she died. They are by no means strangers. I would have no reason to suspect them, and up till now I have been thankful that they have managed to convince my cousin to improve his living conditions,; this is something I have been unable to do myself.

But my cousin has become over-dependent, on this couple and on his network of supporters. He has his meals brought to him, he has his dog walked, and his shopping done. All his needs are met, and he refuses to do the smallest things for himself, even though he is perfectly capable in many regards. He has problems, but has rendered himself more vulnerable to possible exploitation by his own passivity. My patience with him is also wearing thin, as he stubbornly refuses to take my advice.

My first course of action will be to contact social services. At least I will have articulated my concerns. I am also in a position to intervene directly and wonder if I should do so. However I appreciate that this course of action may leave my cousin even more exposed.

It's also possible, however, that my cousin no longer has full mental capacity, in which case I assume that Power of Attorney will be granted without his permission being needed. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Thanks again.

One of my grandfathers was befriended by a home carer. Awful - because she was a 'nurse' everyone trusted her. But her husband, an accountant, was unemployed and they stole almost everything. One Christmas he bought her and her two daughters a diamond necklace each. My aunt was going demented with the worry of it but the carer wouldn't let her in the house and had the locks changed and wouldn't let her speak to him on the phone. He was blind and almost deaf and depended on them utterly and that was the end of our inheritances. The will made by the accountant stipulated that if any relatives tried to contest the will they would lose what little (not left to the nurse) had been bequeathed to them, so my aunt lost all her inheritance and we (our father was dead and there were four of us) lost ours. There was a lot of money involved but we were all in our twenties at the time and had no money for paying solicitors. We were advised to leave it by the only one we did ask for advice.

Just awful, I can't say he didn't receive good care, apparently he did, but my goodness it was expensive care!

My uncle had a 'friend' who got him to change his will and leave his house to her. Once that was done, instead of visiting him on a regular basis she [or so I was told] used to sometimes post sandwiches through his letter box. She inherited everything. The last we heard she was doing the same with someone else. I hardly knew him, but close family members that had helped him over the years when they lived closer to him were very upset. There was nothing we could do [although I did take a clock of his that had been presented to him when he retired,and she complained to the solicitor about it. There was no way she was having that ].

Crossed posts nellie

It's definitely a safeguarding matter, which his social worker must investigate if you refer the matter. Despite his mental health and physical problems it sounds as if your cousin has capacity to make his own daily living decisions, which may cause some difficulty if he is not willing to cooperate with a safeguarding investigation. Even so, the sheer fact that the authorities are becoming involved might be enough to scare these people off.

Yes do contact the adults safe guarding team ASAP this is potentially financial abuse.
Your relative may be considered to "lack capacity" to judge whether or not he is being defrauded or may refuse to acknowledge that that is what is happening but it should be investigated.

Unfortunately he would not be the first or the last vulnerable adult who had been befriended and robbed.

If you have concerns then you should tell to local adults safeguarding team , it may also be worth getting POA for him ?

Oh dear. When I saw 'befriended by local couple' I knew what was coming.
A friend of mine kept in touch with a chap that she supported in a MIND house. He went into 'independent living' and the low life came out of the woodwork.
To cut a long story short. She went to the police and a woman was convicted of stealing from him.

I share your concerns as well, gettingonabit. Six years ago we found a cleaner for my mother who was recovering from a stroke. Little by little she wormed her way into Mum's everyday life even to the point of turning up when relatives visited taking over conversations and making people feel uncomfortable. She even went straight round to Mum's bungalow having just been discharged from hospital after an operation. She didn't even go to her own home first.

Because I had POA I soon discovered she was asking for payment for unnecessary tasks like clearing out the airing cupboard. She even phoned me while on holiday in Spain to ask how Mum was getting on which we found a bit OTT considering she was just a part time cleaner. Money left in a tin for the window cleaner would disappear but we couldn't prove anything.

It all came to an end when DH noticed a strange car in the drive and discovered the cleaner's husband (we didn't know him from Adam) in Mum's kitchen. When challenged he said he was 'just making a cuppa for the old girl'. Mum was in bed at the time so DH, never one to mince his words, threatened to call the police as the man had obviously obtained the code for the key safe from his wife so he could open the back door.

It took a while to convince Mum that she was in a vulnerable position with these people. We found her another cleaner and all was well but you have to be so careful. There are so many unscrupulous so called 'do-gooders' out there.

Oh dear, I wish that I could say that I think this couple are just being kind, but I would have to say that I would share your concerns.

What to do about it however, is another thing.

What a problem gettingonabit.
Firstly, as your cousin has an excellent social worker, how about a phone discussion with the social worker. It's remotely possible the social worker could be aware if this couple have a history.
The other issue, is that many confused older people believe that their cash or belongings are being stolen. I believe it's the case that elderly/infirm people should have an annual visit by their Doctor. I realise that's another potentially difficult area to raise with your cousin, but maybe the social worker could raise that as a legitimate area of responsibility.
No doubt others will have more helpful suggestions.