regrets

Actually ethel your contributions to GN are an achievement. I enjoy reading your posts and find them helpful and I'm sure many others do too

Great post Mishap! I do think regrets can be part of the ageing process because the hopefulness of youth has gone. When you are young you expect that things will get better next week, next year. Now it is harder to believe that. We are where we are because of choices we made, or were made by others which affected us. That sounds less than comforting I realise, but I suspect the way to deal with it is to dwell on the positives, rather than the negatives.
Someone on my FB page spent a week posting three good things, some apparently very minor, which had happened to her each day. At first I thought it was excruciatingly embarrassing, but I have tried doing it myself, very quietly in my head of course and it does make a difference. It is more cheering than polishing the same regrets and worries we all have. to you Ethelbags 1

Before I achieved the lofty heights of receptionist (part time) I was a cleaner, playground dinner lady and did home knitting in the evenings (multi-tasked!).

I loved being a cleaner as the people I cleaned for made me feel appreciated saying they wouldn't have been able to do their jobs (a teacher and a doctor) without my input. Being valued for what you do means so much.

ethel You are not the only one to feel like this sometimes!
It will pass.

I too have cleaned [a pub-- mens' toilets (yuk)] after my divorce as I have no real qualifications.
I have read hundreds and hundreds of books, and absorbed lots of knowledge from them.

I once asked my mum what was the point of me? "Count your blessings, you've got two beautiful children" she said!

On a lighter note my friend always says with a grin "Chin up, tits out" and off we go.

You're as good as anyone ethel and you've got all of us behind you

I think it's natural to have regrets, particularly as one becomes older. Looking back there are hundreds of things you would have done differently, opportunities you should have taken but you do what you do at the time because that's just how it was.
Since being widowed, I have many regrets, probably because I have time to look back and ruminate, and wish I had done this or that in a different way, wish I had said or not said things and mostly wish I had been less selfish and more patient but, I try to live in the present: looking back with regret is useless, the past can't be changed but the today and tomorrow can be better.

We all have regrets over one thing or another when we get to our age - it is normal to feel like that.

But, you have two choices: you can either give in to this, or you can look around for things to get involved in that you would not have any regrets about when you are 90, perhaps volunteering or taking up some activity you will enjoy.

However, I do not think that you have had a wasted life. We none of us have a clue why we were put here, but I always think that being kind to others is central - that does not involve careers and lots of money. As others have said, bringing up a lovely DD is a huge achievement and is an important a career in itself. I get very cross when that is denigrated. And what is wrong with cleaning? - another thing that makes me cross is denigrating practical necessary and vital work just because you do not need a degree to do it - what nonsense is this!?

And as to reading being a waste of time - I have therefore wasted a huge chunk of my life too!! - but I do not look at it like that! Reading is a huge pleasure - broadens the mind, entertains. It is a GOOD thing!

And as to good looks - lord above, this is the least important thing in life - and anyway, who says you are not good looking? What is good looking? - what the media say is good?

The media have a lot to answer for in peddling the idea that we all have to achieve, achieve, achieve - that is not true; we just have to live blameless lives and take pleasure in the small things. Why ever would you wish to make someone else envious?

Believe me those who we are envious of often cover up many sadnesses.

Go girl!

Ethelbags .... career isn't everything...some money would be great....but sure you couldn't put a price on your DD and DGD. Some days are awful and we feel not needed and as though we're just putting in time, then for some reason it's as if the sun has come out and all is well.

Like yourself I didn't go to uni. No-one in the family had done so.
And, also like you , I was the local litter picker. But was doing it before marriage ended, a reason to be out of the house.
Don't think of litter picking as nothing...I'm serious.... your village was a more pleasant place without the drinks cans and rubbish.
I would still do it, to an extent.
There will be folks in mansions who would love to be you....or me.
You are important.

And with regard to looks, take off specs before checking in the mirror, and never ever look down onto the mirror ...... that's scary.

ethel - this is the most moving (to me) post I've read on GN. I so, so relate. All these years on I do a cleaning job (cash in hand, yer know!) when in another life I should be - well, a princess.
What I'm trying to say, in a very clumsy way, is that you are a wonderful, wonderful woman and I, for one, admire you to bits

That's sad ethelbasgs1. I sometimes feel a bit like that myself - at least on the job front, and especially when I see all the interesting and responsible careers that many people on Gransnet have/have had.

I think this is the time in life when a lot of people start thinking of all the things that they could have/should have done. Although I do it myself sometimes, I recognise that it's counter-productive and just leaves me feeling miserable.

It might help you to identify something that you're interested in doing now, and having a go at it. It sounds like the courses you did in the past were done to improve your employment opportunities. Now, just concentrate on doing what you enjoy.

I expect there are some people with money, good looks and a high-flying career who, in pursuit of those things, might have missed out on what you have - a dearly loved daughter and granddaughter.

If you've read books and dreamed dreams your life hasn't been wasted at all.Feel sorry for those that don't dream ethel . If it's any consolation, when my marriage ended I became the village litter picker [ I couldn't even hide what I was doing as it was a difficult job to do under cover of darkness ]...

Oh ethel! I can absolutely see where you are coming from. There cannot be many people who do not have regrets about what they may not have achieved in their lives. You have raised a beautifu andl fine DD to be proud of and she in turn has had your lovely DGD- some people have been denied that privilege and it is no mean achievement - raising children is one of the hardest jobs in the world! You sound as if you are having a down day so instead of listing all your perceived failings, look at your DD and DGD and ask yourself- is any achievement better?