Joke corner

What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross buns.

The only one I can ever remember goes:
Q: What did the male strawberry say to the female strawberry?
Ans: If we hadn't been in that bed together , we wouldn't be in this jam now!

Paddy and Murphy were going fishing and Paddy's wife was preparing a flask of tea. Paddy said can you make that, one without sugar and one with two spoonfuls.

A woman of a certain age at the doctor.
Doctor: can you tell me your age please?
Woman patient: I am approaching 40.
Doctor: from which direction?

Some great jokes here but I think my favourite is Rosina's pancake joke. I too would have laughed myself silly in the card shop (actually, I often do). Pity there are no 'like' buttons on Gransnet.

Two blondes walk into a bar.
Boom! Boom!

Bit sexist, however.

God said to Moses "Go forth",
But he came fifth and won a bag of peanuts.

Sorry!

Me and DH went so see Jimmy Cricket - remember him? - last night. This is his joke.

My dadda's bought a caravan. First time he took it out he was stopped by the police.

DADDA: 'I'm sorry, officer. This is the first time I've brought it out.'

POLICEMAN: 'Thought so, sir. The caravan's supposed to be at the back.'

There were two goldfish in a tank; one said to the other - 'you drive and I'll man the guns'

There were two cannibals eating a clown; one said to the other - 'does this taste funny to you?'

Man holding a ladder says - this is my stepladder - I never knew my real ladder.

Naughty 'racist' joke, but this was in a birthday card in Clinton's and I laughed myself silly (all alone):

Three men having a chat:

Englishman: 'My son was born on St. George's day, so we called him George'.
Welshman: 'Oh - my son was born on St. David's day so we called him David'.
Irishman: 'That's exactly what happened with my boy, Pancake'.

And before you get cross - I have a lot of Irish in me and my grandmother was a Nolan from County Kildare.

Love it!

grandmattie That was considered hilarious in my father's family, too. It always raised a laugh - paeticularly if told when a stranger was present who couldn't work out what was so funny.. The one always told with it was -
"Why does an oven when it is hot?
Because the more you rub it, the faster."

No, there are no typos in that. That is it.

A couple of my late husbands jokes.
A Jew fell over and when he got up apparently crossed himself. Why? He was asked. Spectacles, testacles, wallet and watch , was his reply.
Before the days of modern hearing aids. A market trader was offering hearing aids for half a crown. "but they are only pieces of string with a knot at the end." "You stick the knot in your ear and the other end down your shirt, everyone knows you are deaf and shout out loud."

I love doctor, doctor jokes ? Here's another one:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I can't stop stealing things!
Doctor: Take these pills. If they don't work, get me colour TV!

Patient: Doctor, doctor, Can you give me something for my liver?
Doctor: Certainly! Here's a pound of onions!

Q. How do you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A. A weasel is weaselly identified but a stoat is stoatally different!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea!

The most idiotic joke I know, which has absolutely no meaning whatsoever, but I find hilarious is: -
"What's the difference between a duck?" One of its legs is both the same.
Don't try to understand it, it is totally unintelligible, but incredibly funny!

Just what I needed today and thanks for the link to the other page.?

This is one of my Grand-daughters favourite joke(she is 4yrs) What do you call a 3 legged donkey?............Wonky.

Izzy Perch = a type of fish.

Oh I got it ?

I don't get it izzy!

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him a sheet of music.

How do you make him stop playing?
Put notes on it!