What frightens you about getting older ?

All of the above.

That TV show was Frasier - doh

No - as I write, this thread is followed by 'What do we all look like?', which is just as apt!

Is it serendipity that on the active conversations list this thread is followed by one entitled Staying Asleep? (Of course, it won't be now.)

Must

Iam64 you give me hope. A good nursing home, a loving family. for you because it use still be hard for the family and you.

My mum in law is in the final stages of her life. She is in a nursing home, and I want to say a word of praise for the staff caring for her. We visit daily, at various times, sometimes 3 different visits by us or our children. The nursing home specialises in end of life care, there are only 30 residents, so it feels much more personal than some of the bigger, shinier places we viewed.
i came home from my visit today, feeling my lovely mil is in safe hands. The staff know her, they know us (and our dogs) and the standard of care is good. I know we have been fortunate, and we looked at some places that made we want to weep, or shout. Sorry if this is off post, and too personal, but I'm not long in from visiting.

Having to rely on other people. The capacity to think and act on issues. Being unable to read. Becoming invisible.

Also talking about care homes, I remember a line from that wonderful TV show, referring to relatives who don't visit too often the care home motto was "We care, so you don't have to!". Well, that actually may not be too bad -at least somebody cares!

We also moved 18 months ago. We are nearer the children/grandchildren and other relatives as well. We used to live in the Midlands and I well remember the trek up and down the motorway system when my parents became frail. I don't want to put my son through that. Sorely miss my old friends but we do see the grandchildren more often. It's a trade off, it just depends what works for you. Personally I would go back tomorrow, but DH loves it.

So agree absent- but I am very reassured by the fact I live in a country where when too many of those 'hit'- I will have a way out. That 'insurance' helps me enjoy today without worrying about the above.

Love that cartoon, Jane

I do think it's one of the least attractive aspects of old age, which some people seem to succumb to - the tendency to talk about oneself and (repeating myself here! aaaagh!!!) one's health problems.

I have had (I'm sure we have all had) a succession of elderly relatives. Some of them (category 1) are a delight and want to have a normal conversation, which includes sharing and contributions from both of us. Others (category 2) are really not interested, and want to get the conversation back to their ailments, the ailments of their friends, the difficulty in getting a doctor's appointment, what the nurse said to them, how it affects their eating, and so on.

So how do I ensure I end up in category 1 and not category 2?

Regarding care homes which are referred to in some previous posts: in the Simpsons cartoon I was always amused to read a polite notice pinned to the wall at the entrance to the "Springfield Retirement Palace"- "The residents thank you for not talking about the outside world." Having spent a great deal of time visiting elderly family members in a variety (of mostly good) care homes I can testify to the truth in that.

I decided,years ago, not to worry about what old age held in store for me. I take each day as it comes. DH on the other hand, worries enough for both of us.
DH retires in 2016 after which time, we are thinking of selling our house and moving near to our DD and her family. The problem with this scheme is that DD and SiL are not settled where they are and SiL is trying to find a shore job, (he's a Hydrographic Surveyor). So, until he finds a permanent position, it's all up in the air.

Being of a naturally negative turn of mind I have already apologised ++ to DD in advance in case I become a nasty, demanding old lady. In a case of preparing for the worst but hoping for the best we moved from our family house of more than 30 years to a flat 2 years ago. We took only what we really wanted, let the children have whatever they wanted and got house clearance people in to take away the accumulated crap possessions. That worked so well. We`ve literally never missed anything that we didn't take. It also means that our new home is just beautiful and contains only things we love. Its near shops, Drs etc and has terrific bus links to town if needed. It has a lovely outlook and is very quiet. Smug? Moi? You bet!! Sorry everyone. Pride cometh etc so am , being of aforesaid negative turn of mind, braced for trouble. Its a matter of time

That's my problem Pompa. To stay or go, that is the question. It exercises my brain 24/7

What a good mix this thread is

Someone made the point about clearing out the accumulated crap in good time, so children won't have to sort it through. That's what DH and I are doing now, as we have just moved house (we moved it all with us, which was a bit foolish). We are young and fit enough to sort it all, so we are taking the opportunity.

My mother (89) is slowly and painfully going through boxes and boxes of stuff that belonged to my grandmother (her MIL) who died more than 40 years ago - at the time, my mother and father categorised the stuff (very basically - boxes are marked 'miscellaneous letters' and other vagaries) but threw nothing out. Some of grandma's stuff is actually quite interesting but prob not actually worth keeping. Should have been chucked when she died.

I have an old aunt, 93, who has been a bit of a hoarder all her life and every room (inc the loft) of her 3-bedroom house is full of stuff, mostly useless (one small example: all her dead husband's clothes, for instance, and he died 20 years ago)....I will be the one who has to sort all that out when she dies, and I am already a bit annoyed!!

I'm sorry I stired up worries regarding health in older age, that wan't what i intended, but it is obviously top of the list. I had hoped to find some unusual concerns.

One thing Linda and I are often discussing is where we will live.

We live in a semi det house, wold like a bungalow, but could not afford one where we live (kids have used up all our savings).

Both our Kids live well north of us and we could afford a bungalow where they live.
BUT, we have lived in our village for nearly 50 years and all our friends are here, the village has all the facilities we will need in old age.
We also live living near the coast, and our region is relativly quiet, our daughter lives in the Midlands, which is far from quiet.
SO, do we move nearer our children or stay where we are, this is where a fear of not driving rears its head.

Already talking about ailments I'm afraid, mine and my DHs. Dementia, losing my sight (my mother has AMD) Although I won't know anything about it, my offspring finding the crap boxes etc crammed into our two spare rooms upstairs. The garage isn't much better. Did used to worry about my children finding a couple of heart rending letters that I gave to DH when we were going through some bad times. Found them and with his permission destroyed them. Having a cardiac arrest, stroke or my remaining kidney giving up on me or getting cancer as the other one did. My children ignoring me and not bothering (they hardly, if ever, go to see their grandma) Incontinence, having a catheter (again), being 'put' into a nursing home or old peoples' home because funds are low and not having the money to top up Social Services funding. (Wish I hadn't started this now, feeling depressed)
DH dying before me, me dying before DH.

I want to be like Littlegran. If I become too ill I want a pill to take!

Is this where the old saying "mind over matter" comes in?If we don't mind,It won't matter.

Exactly, absent. What's the point?

When Mum was at the end of her life, aged 96, I spent hours singing one of her favourite songs with her to keep her spirits up.

Que Sera Sera.

I think in my case it would be, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.

Dementia, blindness, deafness, immobility, incontinence, talking about one's ailments – whatever. There's nothing I can do to prevent it if it comes, so there's no use worrying and frightening myself now. There's nothing wrong with a bit of forward planning at any age but I'm damned if I am going to miss today for fear of tomorrow.

I'm twice as old as my mother was when she died.

I don't want to leave my children with a load of old rubbish to sort out and dispose of, so I'm trying to 'leave my house in order' well before I go.

Nothing. I am now the age my husband was when he died of cancer.
Nothing frightens me about getting older. It's all a bonus.

littlegran you are how I aim to be. I met a woman who was 89 and she said she was a volunteer for Meals on Wheels to help out the oldies. She lived on her own and met up with her friends once a week for lunch.

Since moving to this rural area I joined the CWA and the older two members are amazing, they both still drive, travel, go to everything and dress really well. The 80 year old has a male friend (boyfriend) who she met through her daughter about two years ago. The 84 year old is the most interesting woman and is hilarious, she always has the group laughing. She has told me the history of the cottage I live in, knew lots of the answers at the Quiz night we recently went to to raise money for my GS's school's Centenary next year. She is a vegan and said her mother was too, she said they never got sick. She still drives and lives at the retirement village in the town. Some of the older members are 70 to 80 and I love how they are all pretty fit and dress with style, no over 65 dress shops for this lot. They certainly are bright and friendly people who are enjoying life.