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Are you more....

(21 Posts)
grannyactivist Fri 17-Oct-14 18:07:05

assertive/bolshy/inclined to speak up...than when you were younger?
Just recently I was in a queue when a young man pushed in and quick as a flash a woman of about seventy told him what for and sent him to the back of the queue - and then smiled at me and said that even twenty years ago she wouldn't have said anything, but the older she got the more inclined she was to speak her mind.
I am definitely more assertive now and quicker to speak out when I see something untoward happening. What about others?

pompa Fri 17-Oct-14 18:10:18

I think I have mellowed with age, especially when driving.

KatyK Fri 17-Oct-14 18:21:03

I am not and have never been assertive. I am more the Uriah Heap type, sad to say. There have been occasions when I have spoken up for myself but people don't like it and I always end up apologising although I feel I am in the right. What a wimp!. I always ask people how they are and how their life is going but people rarely ask me (apart from most people in my family) they use me as a sounding board. I think people look at me as Mrs Insignificant. It's my own fault obviously. Bit late to change now. sad

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 17-Oct-14 18:26:18

Yes. Definitely. smile

harrigran Fri 17-Oct-14 18:26:45

I never used to say boo to a goose but now I speak up if I think something needs to be said. Last year it was the incident of the woman with the dog on the beach, well now we have a complete dog ban on our beach, success smile

KatyK Fri 17-Oct-14 18:33:39

Well done harrigran. You have actually reminded me that I did manage to get some dreadful nuisance neighbours evicted a few years ago. They were making life hell for my elderly neighbour. They never knew it was me though.

ffinnochio Fri 17-Oct-14 18:33:47

I'm certainly less bolshy and knee-jerky than I was, although it still creeps in occasionally. I aim for a quiet assertiveness, and pick my moments carefully when I am. Much more patient on the whole, which doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a walk-over.

Marmight Fri 17-Oct-14 18:38:00

Yes - too bolshy perhaps. As a child, teenager and in my 20's I was a shy, shrinking violet who never said boo to a goose, but now I am making up for lost time grin. If you don't make a fuss, and no one else does, things won't change. I have a few victories to my name (modesty prevents me from mentioning) wink

FlicketyB Fri 17-Oct-14 19:04:25

No, I was always one for putting my head above the parapet and getting it shot off. But as I get older I have become more skilful at it and generally keep my head intact.

merlotgran Fri 17-Oct-14 19:14:41

Same here, FlicketyB, until it dawned on me that people were making bullets for me to fire. Now I no longer let others put themselves in a good light at my expense.

baubles Fri 17-Oct-14 19:19:17

I don't think I am or have ever been bolshy. I can be quietly assertive when required though.

hildajenniJ Fri 17-Oct-14 19:22:53

I used to be really shy when I was young. I have changed a bit over the years. I try to be diplomatic, not always successfully.grin

janerowena Fri 17-Oct-14 23:08:42

I was never a shrinking violet, but I am usually very polite. However I cannot bear to see rudeness and so at a county show this year when a young and very drunk male pushed in front of me to be able to see the display in the arena better, after a fair amount of jostling behind me to fight his way to the front, I reminded him that I had got there first, that he was a great deal taller than me and indeed all the other people he had pushed through, and that he was being extremely rude. Audible sucking of air through teeth from all surrounding me, but he looked at me for a while and slowly backed down.

However I also told a load of yobs off for littering in a park at 30 and another lot for pulling tiles from an uninhabited house and smashing them on the pavement. Both times DD aged around 10 was with me and she was petrified! Actually no, I think I always was either brave or foolhardy, take your pick.

janeainsworth Fri 17-Oct-14 23:28:00

Being assertive isn't the same as being bolshy.
It just means being able to calmly state your own view or needs, without being angry and without being defensive.

Bolshiness implies going against what others want to do, noisily and without consideration for others' feelings.

janeainsworth Fri 17-Oct-14 23:31:06

I'm sure you're not too bolshy Marmight grin

annodomini Fri 17-Oct-14 23:46:25

I have always been shy and made friends only with difficulty, but later in life have found that people respect my opinions and when I entered the arena of local politics I had no difficulty in holding my own, became quite successful but knew when it was time to bow out.

Marmight Sat 18-Oct-14 09:51:54

Well JaneA, maybe just a little bolshy - mostly polite!

Teetime Sat 18-Oct-14 09:57:24

It depends. You have to choose which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. I'm feeling my way working with a Charitable Trust that has been established for four hundred years in one form or another and many of the Trustees have long service and have achieved a lot of things. I waited a good year until I had built rapport and trust then started with small things and now after two years I have spoken up good and proper but politely and constructively on the need for strategic planning and now we are starting this process without upsetting anyone - I hope!! When I was employed to achieve targets there wasn't so much time or opportunity to do this so I had to take bigger risks so I think I may have gone backwards but hopefully its the right way to go in this instance.

Elegran Sat 18-Oct-14 09:58:03

Yes, I am more assertive than I used to be. If no-one speaks up, the aggressive have the upper hand. I hope I am not actually bolshie, but I don't put up with being pushed around, or standing by while someone else is pushed around.

KatyK You posted on a similar thread recently, and I PMed you. I hope you got the PM.

FlicketyB Sat 18-Oct-14 10:12:18

After an all-girls school I spent most of my university and working life in predominantly male engineering environments, usually the only woman who wasn't a clerical worker. It was sink or swim.

HollyDaze Sat 18-Oct-14 15:03:46

No, I'm more tolerant now than I used to be. I still won't stand for any nonsense but I'm just more tactful about how I deal with it.