I'm suddenly feeling old!!

Oh yes, forces brats us - dragged around the world behind imposing fathers! Sure there would be enough material for several PhDs!! Slainte to you as well iam64 ! Thank goodness I don't have stairs to climb-starting to feel a bit tipsy!!

Another toast to you, katek

I made work friends with a young woman who described herself laughingly, as an "army brat" in a discussion about a difficult issue. She was a strong young woman and I liked her a lot. We compared notes about the positives and negatives in our lives that resulted from constant moves, linked to our (powerful) fathers work. Thatbags - there may be a phd in this

Ladies, I salute you! Thank you very much.....slainte!!

Hear, hear, elegran!

And here's another toast to you, katek

Katek Your mother was wrong to make you feel you should hide away, and you have suffered from it ever since. Break the mould and value yourself. The sneerers are in the minority, don't assume everyone is the same.

Here's a toast to you. Happy Christmas!

I'm with those who feel they gained from moving to new homes. We learnt so much and find new experiences easier than the friends who have always lived in the same place.

But of course Ana! Spent a lot of time and effort building those defences!

Elegran...I don't kick people in the shins, not even metaphorically. Been kicked enough in mine to know that it hurts. Yes, I am ashamed in many ways and no, I'm not 'a normal person', I was born with a spinal condition which affects my appearance. I had a mother who tried to hide these things and when she couldn't she descended into a trough of self pity. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of sneering and sideways looks so I'm preternaturally attuned to any indicators of same. Bit like twitchy cat and I sometimes get it wrong, I know.

Does that mean that you are ashamed of not being totally fit and independent, Katak ?

Why? It is not as though you did something terrible. You are a perfectly normal person, but not Superman. Someone giving you a helping hand - someone who would give anyone a helping hand - is not sneering at you for needing it.

If a child couldn't reach something and you helped them to get it, would you be intruding? If they kicked you in the shins after you had helped them, would you think that they were justified? If they even wanted to kick you in the shins, what would you think of their attitude?

Intrusion? Do you suspect that this person has perhaps seen through your carefully-constructed defences and you slightly resent him for it?

Maybe not invasion....embarrassment perhaps?

I just didn't see/feel/believe that I was either unwell enough or elderly enough to warrant help I suppose. I deal with a lot of physical issues on my own, maybe more than I ought to, and am very used to just getting on with things unaided. I don't expect help although, perversely, I'm the first to offer it. Maybe I just haven't had a lot of kindness shown to me over the years, and there's also a sense of invasion I think when you've been brought up to not let feelings/weaknesses show. All very complicated I know!

Without wishing to appear too analytical, katek (though it may appear so, I know), I'm still puzzled as to why you were shocked, to use your word, by the gesture on the train. This is simply because I am never shocked by kind gestures and wonder why anyone would be. And if I'm surprised it's only ever in a pleasant way.

I suspect that that particular train conductor would have made the same gesture to anyone, of whatever age, who arrived puffing and fighting for breath on his train, always providing he happened to be on the spot at the time. Better to prevent an asthma attack or heart problem than to have to delay the train because someone needed an ambulance as a result of no-one heeding possible warning signs.

thatbags....yes, it's an interaction and I handled it well on the surface given the shock/surprise I was feeling. I didn't have to like it though.
Re lack of childhood friendships, that reply was actually to iam64's, Eloethan's and Ariadne's posts re friendships. It doesn't negatively affect how I react to kind gestures....probably the opposite if you want to analyse it.

I don't see it would thatbags, kindness is kindness. I agree with Eloethan and KateK about eh benefits of all those moves in ensuring we learned how to appear socially at ease in social situations. Finding the personal skills to survive another playground where you know nobody so have to find your feet, avoid the bullies, work out which groups are likely to be friendly, you'll find these skills invaluable in adult life.
Like KateK, I wasn't anywhere long enough to establish lasting friendships, though I do have many close friends with 30 or 40 years of friendship enjoyed. I'm delighted to see my own children still close friends with people they've known since the age of 2 or 3.

Isn't the offer of assistance on a train a "social situation"? Not a very deep one, admittedly, but still...

Why would not having any friends from one's childhood or teenage years make a difference to how one reacted to kind gestures? Genuine question. I don't see how it is relevant.

Oh I'm very adept in social situations...can work a room as they say but, unfortunately, I never stayed anywhere long enough to make any proper friends. I didn't have a true friend until I was in my thirties and settled with my own family. So no friends from childhood or teenage years at all unlike my children-my son is actually best man at one of his closest friend's wedding next year and they met age 3 in nursery!! I fought tooth and nail to ensure my children would not have the same disruption to their lives as I had.

Soontobe....I like your idea of transition. It sits well with me. Thank you

thatbags I agree - very nice of him.

Did our weekly supermarket shop on the way back from archery today as usual. A man probably at least fifteen years older than me offered to put my trolley away after his own. The offer did not make me feel old(er than I am or than I feel), nor did it make me feel like a weak female. It made me think Thank you! How kind! I said the thank you bit out loud and smiled.

Now I am thinking that the giving and acceptance of kind gestures is like a grace. Enjoy it

grannydil Kids eh!

I got my comeuppance recently when DH, on driving up to stately home ticket kiosk with 6 and 4 year old grandsons, said he was worried they wouldn't give him the seniors reduction. 6 year old said not to worry as Grandpa looked old so he'd get the reduction. The smug smile on my face was wiped off when he added 'but he doesn't look as old as you Granny'. That'll teach me!

I moved quite a lot too and, as Iam64 experienced also, not in a particularly orderly manner. It was disruptive of education and friendships.

However, I think the upside is that it makes a person more able to adapt to change and to make friends more quickly. I am by nature not particularly extrovert but I believe being "thrown in at the deep end" probably made me more able to cope with social situations than if I'd always had the same group of friends. It doesn't necessarily mean that you lose touch with everyone. I am still in touch with two friends from one of my four primary/junior schools and one friend from one of my three secondary schools.

And yet some of those friendships endure and are immensely valuable?

katek, I had similar experiences, 5 primary 3 high schools and some moves that occurred so quickly I moved schools without any 'goodbyes'. We weren't army children, but part of another uniformed/disciplined service when father's were moved quickly to fill vacancies or because of promotions. Since buying my first house 45 years ago, I've moved twice, both times in the same area. I didn't want my children to experience the frequent changes of schools and brief friendships that I had.

I agree enjoy your life while you have it and be proud of reaching milestones. One of my GC has a shorter expected lifespan, others have lost children and grandchildren through accidents and illness. So many will never get the chance to be old.

I would guess that you have had to be very independent, having so frequently moved around when growing up.
I dont think that you need be concerned that you will lose much of that part of you.