'Empty nest syndrome' - I think I'm suffering.

It's not easy that's for sure. Kiora [smile[ that's lovely.

pompa, excellent post. For those who know this will happen to them in a year or two- it really helps to prepare for that time by starting joining in activities, learning, groups, outside the family. I've seen several friends going through this 'empty nest' depression- but not colleagues who have had a job as well as the family for many years, and had forged an 'identity and life' of their own.

Perhaps time to learn something you've always wanted to learn, a foreign language, pottery, sewing, bridge- whatever. Or get stuck in finding out more about a hobby, etc, you've never had time to investigate, etc.

I'd give anything to hear something like that from either of my children. It's really important to let go and move on when they grow up; I just wish I could take my own advice sometimes .

It will not only get easier, but you now have the opportunity to start a new exciting phase of your life. Before long your life will be so busy with new stuff, you will wonder what you did before. Your relationship with your dc will also change as she becomes more independent, she will get to need you for different things.

Yes it gets easier...but oh how a tiny bit of longing for them remains attatched to your heartstrings. Earlier this year my big strapping son whispered in my ear as he was giving me a hug goodbye ' I love you mum, your amazing you've let me go. No matter how much I have to put my family and job before you, remember I love you,I really love you' I was stunned. It was just between him and me ( and now you gransnetters) I will do my best to remember his words next time I feel neglected, which probably will be anytime soon!

bee63 YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC. I too found the moment my children left home deeply distressing. I was busy with a job. studying and an ailing parent but I still missed having someone in the house who called me Mum and needed me for a hug, an argument, just to huff at or to sit in front of the telly and watch girly stuff and moan generally about anything and everything.
More needs to be discussed about the loss one feels when they go....the pain is very real and it takes time to readjust to that new role of being a long distance Mum. Phone calls and visits are lovely, its fabulous to see them building their own lives and making a success of it but a big part of me will always miss just being a hands on Mum.

DD got married at 19 and left home 2wks later to go and live in Germany with her then squaddie husband. She would often phone for advice and chats too of course but I didn't see her for 18mths. She still need her mum, your daughter will still need you .

Now 8yrs later she is living 10min drive away and with the marriage broken down needs her mum even more.

Takes time but gets easier bee63, took me a while to stop shopping for mountains of food when DS went to university and cooking for three. Didn't miss the stacks of laundry though! Definitely think it of a job well done to have a daughter raised to be independent. Am sure she'll still need you to be around, both of mine keep in touch although living in London (and when DD's job takes her off to Uzbeckistan and Swaziland for weeks at a time, skype helps a lot)
Love it when they come to stay, something to look forward to!

It does get easier, truly x

Thank you all so much for your messages. I know it will take time to adjust, maybe feeling it more because it's Christmas, & I'm remembering the Christmases when they were all little & full of excitement.

But yes, this is the price we pay for loving them.

Thanks again xx

I hated the feeling of emptiness but it does get easier.

Try to see your daughter being confident enough to set out on her own as a confirmation of your success as a mother.

I used to text my daughters every night just to say, 'I love you' and they would send the same message back. It didn't infringe into their freedom too much as they didn't have to stop whatever they were doing to talk to me but we still were in contact.

Have you thought about fostering bee63? Or if that's a step too far, what about offering Nightstop accommodation or taking in a young lodger? There are lots of young people who are desperate for somewhere to live.
If none of those takes your fancy, what about indulging in a hobby you've always wanted to try or getting to know your neighbours better; doing some/more volunteering? Missing your children is understandable, but it can be turned into something really positive.

bee; just cause she's left home doesn't mean she won't still need you. Before my daughter went away to uni my neighbour told me that she used to hear me crying in the garden. Just because terrible things are happening in the world doesn't take away the pain that you're feeling [that horrible tightness and emptiness round your heart]. Crying is, in itself, therapeutic. I can't bear to look at old family photos any more; I spent years putting them in albums and took great pride in it; now looking at them just makes me cry. Wherabouts do you live? There are often gransnet meet ups that you could go to. I'm sure it's making it worse because it's happening around Christmas as well. Things will get better but in the meantime there are plenty of people on here that understand what you're going through x

oldgreymare is right. This pain is the price of loving and caring for them. They`ll be back one way or another even if only for visits. One day, if you`re very lucky they`ll bring a lovely new GC for you. In the meantime, get busy, find new pursuits so that when they talk to you you`ll have lots to tell them rather than making them feel bad about abandoning you. I know, I really know all this is easier said than done but you are joining a huge club! You truly are not alone.

and yes - you still miss them forever

as a single parent when my son went off to university (the same month I lost my sister to cancer) I returned to an empty house and became very depressed but it does pass.
when they get married and move even further away from your life - that is another blow but it does get EASIER.

Welcome to the club bee63.....While celebrating their achievement and wanting them to 'fly', I also felt bereft when 'my boys' went off to Uni, knowing that from then on they would only be back for holidays. I'm afraid I still miss them......20+ years on, but it DOES get easier