NAGGING

Mrs. P has just used the "N" word. She has admitted that she nagged me to complete our LPA forms.

Nagging - The repetition of unpalatable truths. Not nagging, if they did it the first time there would be no need.

I think the point about how people take roles in a relationship which can force one of you to become the nagger is excellent. I'm often accused of nagging, on the second time of asking, and will in future follow the advice to state the problem/issue and ask what we can do about it. A roof tile having blown down in last night's gale, I am about to put said plan in action.

A friend once said to me that I was very lucky to have a non-handy husband, who was no good at DIY and so never attempted it. It meant I did not have to live with home improvements that were being done very slowly over many months
Another friend had initiated a time limit for projects to be completed. If whatever it was hadn't been finished (or even started) by her deadline (which she didn't mention to her DH) she got in a tradesperson to do it on her day off from work. Her DH never commented on the work being completed.
No nagging involved for us!

vampirequeen- due to DH's work commitments (I also worked full time, but less hours) I've always done 99% of the gardening, DIY, decorating, etc, as well as looked after house and kids on my own 99% of the time....

Now we are both retired, I still do most of it- but if I ask for help with something once in a blue moon- 1x, 2x, 3x - then I have no hesitation in good old nagging- rugby or no rugby ;)

Doesn't work with me, I am not a tv addict in any way, and I record everything I like, to be watched at a time convenient to me.

No, promises to do the work are made and then broken because 'I had forgotten that so-and-so were playing today'. He too could record the match.

But football, rugby, cricket, racing, sports of any kind can be very important to some men. In fact far more important that any jobs they've been asked/reminded/had suggested/supposed to be doing and tbh I sympathise with them as long as they get around to things eventually.

Call me a soft touch but a man needs time out and just because they may be watching something we think is boring or a wast of time doesn't mean it is.

If you're really desperate to get something done then have a go yourself but do it when something is on the TV that you really want to watch.

I'm now going to hide in a cupboard wearing earplugs so I can't hear the howls of derision from some of you.

"Forgot" = never, postponed the start date, re-scheduled, perhaps, but never forgotten.

Like watching footie all afternoon on a sunny day when the barge boards need replacing and the mice are gaily setting up home in them?

DHs don't forget; it's just that more pressing matters intervene.

If you think that's nagging, pompa then you have lived a very sheltered life

pompa but if you agreed to do something and simply forgot ......

saying - suggesting - when you have a minute - why don't you - reminding. All sounds like nagging to me.

I have been told by 3Xs that i never nagged, maybye I should have ????????

I 'suggest' a couple of times.

Then I start to send him links to local workmen.

Then I find out their hourly rates and ask if we can afford it this month.

That usually does the trick. It took about five years of me trying to do absolutely everything, as I am quite handy, before I worked that one out. I simply no longer have the energy or strength, he does but he is rather lazy. He'd rather tweet that he is going to do it, than actually do it.

it is not officially nagging if you 'both' forget! ie Oh we were going to do that today etc. so they can't feel hurt and defensive.

Yes, but.....all the agreements and subtle approaches in the world will not work if the other person is even more skilled at 'forgetting' or can trip over a tin of paint several times a day and merely curse it for being in the way without considering why.

In relationships (of any type) people can take on roles. If a person takes on the role of 'nagged person' it can force the other to be the 'nagger'.
I have learned a couple of good strategies for avoiding being a nagger.

I always ask what we can do about something, e.g re decorate and ask for an agreed start date so I can put it on the calendar. I then just put the required items; paint etc in the hall and then on the 'agreed date' look as though I am going to do it...

The other is to ask, Do you agree we need to......' The answer is usually yes so then I ask when/how etc and get a sort of 'action plan' in place so I can say 'oh we agreed we were going to....' as the time goes on!

Don't always follow these rules as emotions can get in the way, e.g Why can't DH understand my fridge organisation!!!!

Mine's Teflon coated against suggestions , nothing would get done! When he finally decided to do the bathroom (I'd given up 'nagging', asking nicely etc etc) it took 24 weeks! At least me nagging persistently requesting sometimes gets quicker results!

Suggestions and letting him think it's his idea gets any jobs done here no need to nag, a gentle process which has been learnt over a number of years and works well.

Women nag, men constantly remind.

vq

My ex accused me of nagging him all the time. Totally untrue. I only nag people I care about

It's not nagging, it's suggesting - vehemently

And my DH too NfkDumpling.