The Going Rate

On all the invitations we send out for special occasions, - not many more to come now, I think! - we have always put 'no presents just your presence will make the day perfect'. It worked for us, and I think our friends and relations were relieved to think they did not have to find something suitable. Some did buy something small, which was lovely.

When DS got married he said no gifts but if people would like to give a donation it could be given to UCL hardship fund for students. DS and DIL were past students as were 75% of their friends, as they all were in work we thought it not unreasonable.

Here in our part of Canada, big "do's" for special anniversaries and birthdays are uncommon. We have two 50th anniversaries in Scotland to honour this year, will be sending special cards with heartfelt messages.

I am not sure you read what I wrote Rubylady and many people seem to be replying to the OP with suggestions that would please them rather than the people the gift is for.

I do know that quite a few ask for money at weddings now as they have a fully set up home. I find it a bit grating but on the other hand it seems to follow the fashion that came from wedding lists - when did they get to the level of today? - and saying what you want for a birthday, Christmas, etc. It seems that gone are the days when someone joining you in a celebration could be remembered by the gift they had given thought to giving.

Recent invitations to friends and acquaintances 70th birthdays have stated no presents. For a close friend I did sent her a planted pot of Spring Bulbs to arrive on her birthday as I know she will re plant the bulbs in her garden and have them next year too! For those who are not 'close' friends I accept what they have said! If thee is a request for vouchers/money then I take into account how long I have known them, how close etc. I would rather not waste money on something unwanted!

plant/etc nice idea...although they live in sheltered so no garden, but they do have caravan so something in a pot maybe...40 little pressies for DD she would love that I shall put the ideas on my list thankyou.

I'd give a donation to a charity that combats poaching. One day, it could be impossible to go on safari as there won't be any game left to view.

I think it depends on how much you genuinely feel you would like to give and how much you can afford to give.

I personally wouldn't ask people to help me out with the cost of a luxury holiday. If they were happy with donations to charity, presumably they would have indicated this on the invitation.

I would donate to the orphanage that they are going to visit, thus freeing up more of their own money to spend on their holiday.

Are these requests for money common?

I would hope that they're rare among the Over 50s!

Rubylady...can we have a LMAO emoticon please GNHQ??? Or ROFL for the more polite amongst us?

I agree with Kitty, I would give to an animal charity too. It is grredy to ask for money for an anniversary gift. After 50 years they should have all they need both for their home and should not be arranging a holiday to be funded by others.

If that's the case Grace I'll send my D a voucher for a McDonald's happy meal for her wedding present!

Different groups have different depths to their pockets and what you can afford has to be the first consideration crun

I was once given advice on what to spend on wedding presents that has stood me in good stead and that is to ask yourself what the cost per head is likely to be for the reception party. That is a good guide to what to spend I find.

Well that's a done deal. Make a contribution to the mission to help with the building costs.

I forgot to mention she's my cousin. They're going to Uganda for a fortnight on a church mission to build a school for orphans, and then on a safari afterwards.

I shan't be going, because it's just after my heart operation, and I don't know whether I'll be well enough.

We bought my inlaws fifty trees at the Woodland Trust site nearest to where they lived for their golden wedding anniversary. After moving here we discovered it's not far from where we live now, so we go and see them occasionally.

I'd give it to a charity for giraffes or lions etc. NOT to the couple!

My gift would depend on how close a relative it was, sister and BIL for example probably several hundred pounds. A distant relative or friend about £100.

I'm reminded of a colleague who married after being with her OH for nearly 20 years ...... three children, house, good jobs, etc.

They sent invitations to all and sundry with a 'suggestion' to contribute to their dream trip to Bali.

Just because they didn't marry at 21 and so not get pots & pans, toasters, etc doesn't entitle them have a grab at getting their holiday paid for!

I do not mind contributing to a 'thing', somebody wants - a gazebo for the garden or an extravagant item for the house, or mundane things for the house for a wedding, but extravagant holidays/honeymoons, as far as I am concerned should be self funded.

Our 50th is looming in a few years and we will ask people to donate to charity if they want to give us something, with possible exception of children and best man and best woman (I didn't want bridesmaids)

I don't think it should be in invitations- but fair enough if you ask what they would like. I would give £20 unless very close family or friend.

I loathe idea of money for a honeymoon, or an anniversary trip. Okay perhaps to ask close (& I mean close) family for donations, but to put it on the invitations I think is crass. My own D did this..... I cringed! You might as well send everyone a bill for the reception and have done with it. Young(ish) friends of ours who had been living together for years asked for donations at their recent wedding to WaterAid - to which I willingly gave. Hard cash-wise I probably gave more than I would have spent on a wedding present. So I wholeheartedly endorse Nelliemoser's remarks.

I was so annoyed by my sisters response to her birthday present, as some will know, I am buying RNLI giving cards this year for several people. The people do not need more junk but the RNLI need money.
I have a £20 limit for DGC birthdays and a £25 limit for Xmas.