Smacking children

What I find worrying (in addition to hitting children) is the title of the bill:

'The vote will be part of the amended Violence against Women, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence (Wales) Bill tabled by Julie Morgan AM.'

Why is it about 'Violence against Women', that sounds discriminatory to me. Surely by now everyone realises that violence against men is as bad? I read last week that 40% of cases of domestic abuse are by women on men. Assuming that fewer men report abuse, which seems likely, then I can only assume that there is at least equal violence or possible more against men.

I'm very sorry for people who experienced beatings unnecessarily or on a regular basis as children.

But there is a world of difference between the above and growing up in a loving and supportive home where an occasional smack on the bum also happened. My daughter and son-in-law are currently living in our house. I was singing and dancing in the kitchen the other night whilst cooking, my son-in-law looked a bit bemused and my daughter said with a big smile "This is how I grew up". My SIL on the other hand, grew up in a very conservative household where the children lived in fear of their extremely strict parents, despite there never having been any smacking or hidings.

I also grew up in a loving home (but I recall my mother once threatening to bang our heads together when my brother and I had been bickering for hours). I was a complete innocent about violent relationships and therefore walked into one with my eyes closed (but got out of it again). The point that I am making is that people get involved in damaging relationships sometimes too because having grown up without any experience of violence, they are "babes in the wood".

I was regularly smacked as a child by my mother who was a very angry woman. I decided I would never smack my own children and never have. My husband did sometimes and he also hit me. It took me a long time to leave ( he severely assaulted me in the end) and I feel great guilt that I didn't leave earlier for my childrens sake. They are just pleased I've left! My mother taught me never to be angry as if I wasn't I would be safer? My exhusband taught me violence is all about power and actually that is what smacking a child is the power to inflict pain on someone weaker than yourself because you can. It teaches children nothing except fear and lack of trust

I think it is wrong to smack children and I regret smacking my daughter. I don't think it is a fair or effective way of encouraging courteous and co-operative behaviour.

Although even a small slap is in reality an assault, I still think there is a world of difference between that and a beating, such as rubylady experienced.

My brother and I came home from primary school for dinner one day so I was about 9 years old at the most, he was 11 at the most. There was no answer. We went round the back of the house, Still no answer. Back to the front. My brother told me to go back to school without dinner. Suddenly we saw the door yanked open and we were dragged inside by my mum. She more than smacked us, she pasted us saying that she was in bed and we had no right to wake her up. My brother was right, we should have gone back to school hungry.

Not only was it not good in our childhood but it went on to me believing it was ok for my ex husband to hit and punch me too. Until I eventually stood up for myself and left.

BTW I think it is appalling to hit a child for crying. When a child cries, you comfort him or her.

I smacked my children on probably two occasions (when I was exhausted and they had driven me mad). It would gave been a single whack on the backside. Both are decent, polite hardworking and caring adults. They will occasionally recount these incidents with much mirth (they could outrun me - so they weren't tiny).

What does smacking a child teach it ?

Only that the way to solve a problem is violence .

Any sort of violence is a big NO as far as I am concerned. No I didn't smack my children and all three are decent, polite, hardworking caring adults.

Well said Soutra.

Not disagreeing with you TriciaFA just thinking that for a child, parental trust and security is their world. Have you ever seen the NSPCC commercial of a very neglected looking baby in his cot, which goes something like "William was a quiet baby. He had soon learned that crying didn't bring anybody to comfort him" Take that away by either inflicting pain (albeit not deliberately cruel, but in cases of abuse, of course it is) or by neglect or arousing fear by shouting and the damage is still 100% to that child. Atrocities like the holocaust or widespread sexual abuse multiply that fear by an indescribable power but that doesn't diminish the effect on one child. Could you really smack a child for crying at night? Deliberately? I can understand being driven to distraction -I brought up 3, or even the reaction to potential danger, but we are the adults in the situation.
For even one child's trust to be shattered is, yes, heartbreaking.

If Wales was enlightened enough to have a vote it is sad that it came to nothing. One country out of three that couldn't hit the small and vulnerable would have been a start.

Soutra - I suppose it's a matter of semantics. I would apply heartbreaking to eg these awful cases of child abuse, or the treatment of children in the Holocaust.
Whereas I think most parents who smack their children do so out of desperation when they're feeling exhausted and not thinking clearly. Maybe regretting it after. Except for more serious misbehaviours where the child has been warned.
I agree though some children should never be smacked as they're ultra-sensitive and never get over it.

As far as I'm aware, parents in England and Scotland are also free to hit their children (if you put it like that) as long as it constitutes 'reasonable punishment'.

At least the WAG was attempting to legislate against it, although I don't think it would have been enforceable.

So parents in Wales are free to hit their children - not an enlightened result.

The motion was defeated, anyway.

Why do I find it heartbreaking?
Why does a child cry? Fear, sorrow, pain, insecurity, loss, OK maybe even anger too. When did smacking ever solve those issues?

I don't see how it can be a question. You can't hit anyone else- you can simply hit a child because you are bigger and stronger then them- what sort of lesson is that?

It depends how old the child was, I suppose. I would find it heartbreaking if it was two, not so much if it was eight and was just being annoying, rather than having nightmares.

I didn't smack mine, they are lovely. Not saying I wouldn't have liked to on occasion, mind you, but I just did the count to five slowly thing.

Soutra - maybe pointless, but why heartbreaking?

Ana Depends on the size of the child.

The things parents used to do to their children
I was smacked as a child . . . For crying at night

How pointless does that seem today?
Isn't that heartbreaking?

It'd have to be a pretty hefty whack to make that happen!

Hitting a child is the only civilian assault legal in the UK. How civilised is that?

Incidentally, hitting a child on the back of his legs is dangerous because his feet can go from under him and he can fall on his head.

'The vote will be part of the amended Violence against Women, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence (Wales) Bill tabled by Julie Morgan AM.'

It's hard to see how tacking on the smacking of children to the proposed Bill is going to do anything other than make the issues covered even more complicated and hard to enforce.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-31697730